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VegetableMan
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08 Jul 2014, 2:54 pm

To reduce wear and tear on your brakes, run red lights if nobody is coming. Same goes for stop signs.


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If you embrace your inner child any harder, you'll suffocate the little bastard!


Kurgan
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08 Jul 2014, 3:05 pm

Job interviews are not popularity contests


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babybird
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08 Jul 2014, 3:07 pm

If you have a headache the best cure is to jump head first from a very tall building.


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I can't say that I have ever shat on my own doorstep.

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VegetableMan
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08 Jul 2014, 3:09 pm

I you ever drop a valuable item into a river of molten lava, make sure you grab it very, very fast!


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If you embrace your inner child any harder, you'll suffocate the little bastard!


mezzanotte
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08 Jul 2014, 3:15 pm

Forks are out of style.

Eat every meal with a razor-sharp dagger.



cathylynn
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08 Jul 2014, 3:21 pm

smiles are old-fashioned. instead, kick everyone you meet.



babybird
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08 Jul 2014, 3:21 pm

It's always a good idea to slam your fingers in the door.


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I can't say that I have ever shat on my own doorstep.

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VegetableMan
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08 Jul 2014, 3:24 pm

If a bumblebee lands on you, stroke it gently. It calms them down.


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Prof_Pretorius
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08 Jul 2014, 3:32 pm

Whenever trying to impress women, stare at your shoes and mumble about string theory.


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I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow. I feel my fate in what I cannot fear. I learn by going where I have to go. ~Theodore Roethke


ThetaIn3D
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08 Jul 2014, 3:32 pm

Yellow snow is tasty pineapple shaved ice.



Campin_Cat
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08 Jul 2014, 3:48 pm

The quickest and best way to start a fire in your outdoor grill is to douse the coals with gasoline, before lighting them.



VegetableMan
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08 Jul 2014, 4:01 pm

Always lie about yourself when you begin any relationship with a woman to make yourself look more appealing. After she falls in love with you, you can tell her the truth -- she'll understand!


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If you embrace your inner child any harder, you'll suffocate the little bastard!


ThetaIn3D
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08 Jul 2014, 4:20 pm

Punctuation just wants to take away your freedom.



OnPorpoise
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08 Jul 2014, 5:05 pm

The "Check Engine" light is just a friendly suggestion.


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Campin_Cat
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08 Jul 2014, 5:38 pm

Always remove all the caps from the air plugs in your tires before driving to work----it'll make the ride much smoother.