Should I bring him into the IEP meeting?

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At what point, if any, do you bring your child into his own IEP meeting?

My son is 13, going into 7th grade. He's had Speech IEPs since age 3, and full IEPs since 3rd grade, but he's never personally participated. He functions well in several areas - he's verbal, he can get his point across, he can make a decision (and believe me, it's taken some work to get there). He is able to work directly with his pediatrician to determine if his ADHD med is at the right level, or to decide how he wanted the wart on his leg removed. Shouldn't he have a say in his education plan? Or at least be informed first hand what the goals are, and how he and his teachers are going to help him achieve them.

All this came from a post on an autism forum on Facebook, about teaching your child to advocate for himself so that he can do that when he's an adult. And it dawned on me that maybe I'm not doing that. Because it's always been me meeting with the teachers and IEP specialists. I think that was appropriate for his younger years, but he's older now. I think he should be included. I mean, it's not like I'm going to be consulted once he's in college, or in the workforce. And I do see him doing those things.

And I ask because in particular, for this year's IEP meeting, we finally know for sure he has autism. So there may be things we do differently. Am I too far off base with wanting to bring him in at this point?

i think it would be terrific to include him. in medicine, kids begin to make their own decisions around age 14.

That's a very interesting question. I'm not sure whether I would ever consider having DS present for an IEP meeting - it certainly wouldn't be appropriate at this point, but I can see how it might be one day. I'm curious what other people think.

I have been included since junior high, I didn't know then what it was until I was 15. In elementary school I may have been at my meetings too but I didn't know it then it was an IEP meeting. I just thought it was a regular meeting with the teacher and my parents and I would just play while the adults talked.

But when I was 15 I had lot of anxiety and was upset during it and uncomfortable but a year later I handled it well and when I was 18, it was the first time they did it without my parent and it was awkward. I was 18 so it was legal for them to do it alone with me.

In our district they include them from 7th grade on.

Yes, you should include him.

We include our daughter in some of them. She's six. She has the best ideas out of anyone in the group.

I only went to mine once when I turned 18 because they needed me to sign stuff I never really wanted to go

I think it depends on how your child will handle hearing about his weaknesses and how the weaknesses will be described.

I have left IEP meetings, crying. That said, they worded things more diplomatically when my husband was able to go. I don't know that I would have trusted them to word things carefully if my son attended.

I think you have to factor in what they are likely to say at the meeting, how that would likely make your child feel, and how he would be apt to respond in both the short and long term as a result.

In addition what would happen if you disagreed with what your child wanted?

I think I would definitely ask for a pre-IEP meeting so you and your child would have time to reach consensus. Some school districts put a lot of pressure on the family to make all decisions on the spot at the time of the IEP meeting. If you have a district like that it will be even more important to get copies of all proposals in writing, before the meeting so both you and your child are prepared. You do not want any surprises at the meeting, even if your district is cooperative. Autism and being caught by surprise do not generally mix well.

Yes I would include your children in their IEP meetings if they are 14 as to get ready for the Transition IEP to High School and the one for going into College.

Your child is the one receiving the services set forth in the IEP so he or she should be included.

Perhaps you can go over the goals and what the IEP means. Go over who will be at the meeting(IEP Case Manager, Nurse,School Psychologist, Mainstream Teacher, other service providers etc).

BTW here is a funny poem about IEPs.

Oh please stop these funny IEP's Check here Check There Check the Box Everywhere. We sit and even have some fits. Oh please oh please stop these funny IEP's.

The Parents detest when we do another IQ test. The Students get mad and even some are very sad.

Oh please oh please stop these Funny IEP's.

In our school district, students begin participating at age 13 too (there is even a line on the form for them to sign once they are 13 to indicate they participated).

I have decided that I will bring him in for at least part of the meeting. I don't think he needs to be in the whole meeting. But I want him to talk directly with the people who will be providing him services as to how that all works, especially since we may be adding services with this new ASD diagnosis. Thank you for all of your input.

That is about the age my son started wanting to be included, and was well able to deal with the situation of the meetings. Even then, it was a little off and on as to if he attended; sometimes he just saw no point. It depends on the child and what all is going on.

Actually, I think at some point there is a legal requirement for a child to be invited to an IEP meeting. In my state, I believe it is 13 (or maybe 14.) DS generally attends part of the meeting and leaves when he feels uncomfortable (which is generally fairly early.) We make sure to have somewhere for him to be.

Keep in mind that when they're in college, which believe it or not is just a few short years away, they will need to be doing this for themselves - you will have no legal rights as a parent to be their advocate unless they ask for you to be there, and in some cases colleges will not even allow that.