Attempting to contact a girl from the past: Bad idea?

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GWiz
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21 Jul 2014, 3:49 am

Okay, Well, I'm having a serious disconnect with my family. And normally that would be a cause to destroy my confidence, as I've been quite isolated over the years...and also due to general "aspie" anxieties. But, for some reason, this instance seems to actually be giving me at least a little more confidence than usually. I talked to a counselor without my parents being the ones to set the meeting up for me. I engaged a coworker (who has had psychological training) in a serious discussion about my situation. And I think I've finally resolved to leave my family after all these years. This is probably due to the place and age I'm at (a little past 30 now). As opposed to before, when the uncertainty of it all would induce a more childlike demeanor in me. Perhaps because I could afford to let it, at the time.

But the really peculiar thing now, is that, through all this, I'm considering doing something that I would have regarded as almost mortifying in the past (especially in my high school years). I'm in the process of possibly contacting a girl from my school days. And not just any girl, but...that special girl. Back in those days I was almost paralyzed in her presence and could barely say a word to her. And obviously I didn't have any full physical contact with her. She was definitely very nice in the few verbal communications we had. But there was always just something inexplicable that made me suspect there was serious potential for more.

After the disconnect with my family, I figured that I would, likely, have to attempt a connection with certain other people in my family's stead. And why not, then, just a better connection with someone I had once had a mildly familiar relationship with, but was formerly lacking the courage to attempt furthering. To make up for missed opportunities, as it were.

I do have quite strong memories of her. I remember that she was incredibly beautiful. I remember that, to my shock, in one of the first grades of middle school she actually made a physical effort to sit next to me, even verbally saying that's what she was trying to do as she did it...all while I was left speechless, of course. Another vivid memory I can recall was when, in one class, we were actually teamed up on some science task and she had dared to inquire if I wanted to know who she liked. I thought against all odds (and considering how directly she was looking at me) that she might actually say me. She came all the way up to my ear and whispered...a beautiful whisper...but a whisper of another boy's name.

Though, I later learned that such an action could sometimes be a flirtatious attempt to induce a bit of jealousy in the real intended subject of affection (and had momentarily suspected that as a remote possibility even at the time). But who can know for sure?

When reflecting, actually, the most indicative memory I have for the prospect that there may have been potential for more, might just be the very first serious memory of her that I have. I think it was the first day of middle school, and at the end of the day, when my mom picked me up she immediately made the comment "there's a pretty girl looking at you" and I saw across the way that it was indeed her...and she was looking at me...all the way back then.

I think the last time we saw each other was on the last day of high school. But we had already begun interacting less (than we already were) before then. Though, on second thought, I just might recall her saying "hi" directly to me, one last time, while getting out of a car, not long after that time period.

Obviously due to my relative isolation since high school I have never actually, in fact, had a girlfriend...ever...or even kissed a girl. Which makes this action all the more tempting to try further. I really did come to feel that I could not really expect to start a relationship with a brand new person without a serious amount of effort. An effort it would not be necessary to expend if I had another option. Another category of person. The "existing potential" you could say.

Anyway, I indeed looked up the listing of her house on the internet. I traced out the path and decided that after work I'd just go continue on to the other side of town where her house allegedly was. It was the first time I can recall ever trying anything so proactive...for which I'm still getting this "itch" to push even further. So, eventually, to my own amazement I actually made it to the address.

I immediately saw people in the area outside her house, so I had to keep walking to not generate suspicion. Well, it is a dead end block, and it looks even more suspicious walking down towards the dead end. So I just took a breath and walked back in the other direction, right by the people now on the side walk. This was all one brief stroll. No lingering. But when they saw me they didn't even bother to say hello, they immediately (and repeatedly) asked me what my name was. And had very inquisitive but friendly looks on their faces. I could have sworn it was as if they were expecting me. And I knew it was her family. I told them my first name and they seemed to be repeating it to themselves, mulling over it. Could they have been asking for my name so abruptly because they somehow knew of me? Could it be possible that she talked about me to them before. And, if so, that after all these years they still know my description? That would certainly mean that she thought about me in "that way". Maybe they've just seen me before?

They actually offered me a ride, but I thanked them and refused. And on my way going I abruptly turned back again and asked them for a confirmation that it was her house. They eagerly said that it was, but she now lived somewhere else, and told me, right away, without hesitation, what town she lived in. They asked me if I knew her and even quickly followed with whether I knew her from high school, specifically. They have to have known of me. Or am I seriously misreading all this? Needless to say, I felt quite exhilarated on the way home.

Though, I quickly checked again for her on the internet and, this time, noticed what I missed before...that she also went by a different last name...and that the town was a residential area. Not all that likely for an unmarried girl, I would think. So I must have been misreading the family's general outgoing nature with an eagerness specific to the idea of me contacting her. I mean they wouldn't act that way if some man was looking for her when she was married? Right? Unless it's just the way they are, and thus can't be used as any indicator as to how she would react to me...when she's married (or, by all appearances, highly likely to be.)

I have to admit, I definitely suspected that a woman of her caliber would not very likely remain unmarried by her age, but I was still hoping for a possible opening.

None the less, I soon got the idea to visit the family again. Both to inquire about her further and to possibly give her a message. The idea of the message later turned in to a full blown written letter confessing certain things that I would let them relay to her. But I'm not quite sure if such a thing would even be appropriate to try if she's married, after all.

So, the point is, I'm having trouble gauging all this, right now. And this is all in the last few days of the past week, I might add. Would it thus be too soon to go back and formally introduce myself to the family? To try to get in good graces with them (in lieu of a relationship with my own family), even? Is it too nosy to try to get an idea of her life through them? Would the letter be too hasty...too creepy? Is this all too untoward? Should I also give these possible actions time so as not to appear as though I'm stalking her. Or should I even try to pursue any of these ideas further, at all?

Is there actually potential here, or am I overstepping my bounds?

Keep in mind, I would like to visit the house again near the middle or end of this week, if I'm going to again, at all.



sacrip
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21 Jul 2014, 8:42 am

Questioning the family again could be interpreted as stalkerish or creepy. As good as your intentions are, I'd avoid using any 3rd party to find her. You didn't mention if you tried social media to recontact her. Facebook, LinkedIn, Google +, etc... Are all effective and innocuous ways to approach someone, and it's rare to find a professional woman your age without a social media presence somewhere.


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21 Jul 2014, 9:21 am

Tread very carefully, my friend. I know the allure this has.

I think you should avoid doing anything more. You can very casually contact her, but only as friends. In your mind and heart you need to not do anything until you can accept that and are okay with it. She probably is married and sometimes past contacts can make the spouse jealous or worried and cause some problems in a marriage and I am sure, no matter how much you like her, that you do not want to disrupt her marriage.

I don't think you should send her a letter. Write one, write several, but don't send them. These kinds of things scare people. And also if you do contact her, I think you should wait several months or however long it takes until you can think more clearly about it until the emotional pull of it has lessened. You are under stress and change right now and when we are under that kind of stuff, we tend to go back to familiar comforts and things that are predictable because we control them and they are familiar. This gives us comfort because we can control it. It's like a book we write in our own minds, another way to live, and we control the other person's feelings about us and their reactions to us because we are writing the story but in the end it is not real. And remember, as painful as this might be to accept, she probably doesn't return your feelings. In my experience, NT girls don't have any trouble throwing themselves on and "getting" any guy they like and she sounds really "NT" or at least very confident. I think if she felt about you that way, she'd have made it very, very clear. I know we have our doubts about things because we are painfully aware that we don't express our feelings or don't know how to or are scared to so always wonder, always wonder, if we had reacted "normally", if the other person would have put more "effort" into us.

I don't think you should go by the house anymore. Once can be passed as an "accident" in the eyes of the other people and more easily forgiven by yourself later, but more than once when you have no current contact with her at all, is "stalkerish". And they will notice and you can get into trouble that way, especially if you also give them a letter to give her. They will then know that you probably did look up her address and I think it is disturbing for anyone to know that a stranger they know by name only is frequenting their house.

As to their reaction to you in the street, it is safest to assume that it wasn't as friendly as they put on. People act friendly when they really are just suspicious and trying to get information. They act friendly when they don't want you around. I hate to be dark and dreary about it, but it is for your own protection to just assume it wasn't anything more than them just asking who you were. I know that is depressing, but you are a stranger to them.

People find written communication to be weird. I know this from experience. They don't understand that writing is more natural than speaking for some people. They communicate mainly by real-time personal interaction and when the person they see is so different from the person who they read, it scares them, especially with initial interactions and especially if your writing shows any sort of fascination with them. Remember, they don't have the relationship all worked out in their heads like you do. I wish it worked this way, with writing, but it doesn't. If it is someone who you already have a relationship with, writing is fine. But make the actual written contact with a "stranger", as short as you possibly can. Like paragraph or two short. Don't invest any emotion in it (you know you are not emotionally invested in a maladaptive way when you can write it and send it and not be shattered if they never respond). And I wouldn't give it through family at all. They will talk about it and gossip about it. If at all possible, you need to send it directly to her; her family shouldn't and doesn't need to know anything about it. If she does reply, don't get emotionally invested; stick with facts only and don't "hang" on the interaction. Let her lead it, but also be mindful of her marriage and do nothing to injure that. If she doesn't answer the first time, don't contact her again.

And as I said, wait, wait, wait so that you don't embarrass yourself by giving too much information. These things are very, very obsessive. Don't let it control you.



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21 Jul 2014, 10:38 am

My two cents -- and you're not going to like it -- is: Don't pursue this. It's only my opinion and you don't have to take my advice, or anyone's. But for whatever it's worth, my advice is to try to forget about her. I know that is horribly hard to hear, and even harder to do, when someone is under your skin and in your heart. I've been there myself, and dropping it all and moving on seems like the last thing in the world you feel capable of doing when you can't stop thinking about someone, and about what might have been.

But these things often end either anti-climactically, or worse. I think it would seem very odd to her if you have gone to lengths to find her, and write a letter, etc. It's slightly different if, for example, you found her name on a classmates website and dropped a "Hi, I remember you!" message via that.

In the UK we have one called "Friends Reunited," and people join up and get listed, and can drop a brief message to each other. The best cases I've experienced on those were a renewed acquaintanceship that continued in e-mails. Or, just a one-time exchange of friendly "Oh, yes, hi, how are you?" and that was it. People have their lives, their marriages and their kids now.

The worst case scenario was that one of my old classmates found me on there, and the contact continued. He wanted to meet for a friendly coffee, so we did. It turned out he had become a total creep. He was married now, with children, but the way he spoke to me and the way he acted made it very clear that, well, to put it very briefly and simply, he was angling for a fling. He said he had always had a crush on me in school but was too shy to say so. To cut a long story short, he left no doubt in my mind, at this coffee meet-up, that he thought of me as only one thing -- "Maybe I can finally get into her pants now that we're both grownups and she's not married right now herself."

Trust me, I didn't misinterpret him. If anything he misinterpreted me; my intentions were innocent but his were much less sincere. He kept texting me and eventually I had to tell him this was all completely inappropriate and we must cease all contact.

I'm telling you this story not because you might be that guy to this woman -- I'm sure you're not. You sound like you truly would like to see her again for nicer reasons, and also, you're not married.

But she may be.

Even on the chance she's not, I don't think I, as a woman myself, would feel comfortable knowing someone had gone to great lengths to find me, just because they can't get me out of their mind.

We are led by Hollywood movies to believe that's romantic and amazing. In real life it usually comes across as nothing of the sort, but instead a little worrying to the person pursued.

I hate to be a downer and unromantic, but really, it's such tricky territory to get into, especially when you don't know her circumstances now (married) that it's probably best to leave it alone.

.



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21 Jul 2014, 11:00 am

Doe she have a FB account? Is it on private? If so, friend her on there. You might be able to see if she is married or not. If you still can't see, the key is to be casual.

"Hey, XXX. I can't believe I saw you on here! It's been a long time, hasn't it. It's me, XXX. We went to XXXX together. How have you been?"



GWiz
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21 Jul 2014, 5:50 pm

Holy sh-t and Oh, my God!! ! This new fact changes EVERYTHING!! !

Just before I checked for your comments, I did a more advanced search for possible baby records. And it turns out that she was due to have a baby THIS MONTH...and probably just did! THAT must have been the reason they were acting the way they were! They thought I was going to give her a baby present!

This is Horrible! Though, of course, good news for the family.

This just totally trashes my recent fantasies in a hideous way!

Strangely, I did still consider looking into her, previously, even when I thought there was the possibility that she might be married with children already...but not a NEWBORN! Oh, well, I guess this is the end of THAT!

I really saved myself from a seriously awkward situation there...especially if I would have gone through with giving them the LETTER I WROTE!

I've noticed other girls in my age group around town that also have kids, over the last few years. My neighbor's getting married next month. And many of the former classmates that I've come across in the last few years are definitely taken. I am now having the nagging feeling that I may indeed have lost my chances with absolutely ANY of them!

Damn, I thought I was only NEAR the end of the age where I could still manage to get with a girl of my own age bracket. Now I guess I fully crossed it.

I don't want to have to go considerably younger and younger. That could eventually get dangerously close to pedophile territory, in my view...say...if I stick to looking at juvenile twenty somethings while I continue to age!

Now I have no real family to speak of OR any real chance to acquire one!

But, really, what was I supposed to do without a social life, all this time?! Of course I wasn't going to get any girls! I KNEW this, but still held out hope.

I mean, girls have even come on to me (overtly) in the past, NUMEROUS TIMES...yet I'm STILL a virgin!

This must all be some kind of cruel joke. Its like someone is playing a demonic game of torment and tantalization with me.

Oh, well. Thanks for your advice...especially those who recommended I not pursue this.

Um...now, by any chance, might you have any advice on how I can cope with this NEW situation?

And do you think I might have any obligation to actually get her a baby gift...on the off chance that her parents actually told her I was looking for her, and she's expecting something from me?



Last edited by GWiz on 21 Jul 2014, 6:28 pm, edited 4 times in total.

GWiz
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21 Jul 2014, 5:51 pm

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bleh12345
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21 Jul 2014, 10:45 pm

The only thing I can recommend is the knowledge that females with ASD sometimes want to date males with ASD. You might have better luck that way. You aren't obligated to get her a present or even contact her. It actually might come off as "weird" because it's out of the blue. Also, pedophilia is the attraction (sexual and/or romantic) to prepubesant children. 20 somethings are socially acceptable.

I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm so glad you didn't talk to her and accidentally get a bad label.



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22 Jul 2014, 7:17 am

bleh12345 wrote:
Doe she have a FB account? Is it on private? If so, friend her on there. You might be able to see if she is married or not. If you still can't see, the key is to be casual.

"Hey, XXX. I can't believe I saw you on here! It's been a long time, hasn't it. It's me, XXX. We went to XXXX together. How have you been?"


lol, I'm sure the family immediately informed her about the OP walking by the old house while specifically looking for her. :roll:



GWiz
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22 Jul 2014, 1:50 pm

Okay...I'm not exactly sure if that last reply was intended to be sarcastic or not. But if it wasn't, would that not be a reason to get a gift then? You know, to "save face", and all. At least, make it APPEAR that I was more likely to be looking for her to give her said gift, to begin with...rather than for some other creepier reason? Or is it necessary for me to take a somewhat (or, indeed, GREATLY) more unpalatable action...and actually make a concerted effort to drop completely off her radar...FOREVER?!

And I was thinking more about all this. Could I not, at least, let some years go by before I consider contacting her again...in hopes that enough time passing will cause her to forget ever hearing that I had inquired about her at this rather inappropriate time (if she, indeed, has heard by now)? Or do I need her to forget about ME, all together...just to rectify my predicament? Not saying that she definitely remembers me well right now, or anything, but certain aspects of our past make me confident that she very well might.

That just seems so self-punishing (even more than I'm used to) and utterly bleak of a possibility. That means that even the mildest casual attempt to contact her on social media, or by other means, (at absolutely ANY time) from now on, will necessarily be immediately identified with a disturbing behavior. Whereas it WOULDN'T have before I tried to find the house?! So I just destroyed this particular social relationship before it even got off the ground? One that, at least, SEEMED somewhat promising...from those vivid memories of the past...and her family's recent openness towards me (as brief as it was).

None the less, it was HER family that verbally engaged ME, to begin with! I was LEAVING the area! Initially, being content with just FINDING where the house was (simply to get a brief PERIPHERAL sense of her status and health) and little else at that moment. Only for LATER considerations. Before THEIR behavior gave me cause to go further...with one simple question! Now I'M going to be viewed with potential ire for it!

Oh well...Another possibility for a social life down the drain! That's what I get for thinking I can leave my increasingly dysfunctional family!

I was just thinking. Some of my recent notions (with regards to finding her) were partially inspired by a YouTube video I saw a few month ago. It was a video documenting our high school graduating class, uploaded by a classmate, who did so in dedication to the videos cocreator (a fellow classmate of ours who died). It, (when in conjunction with a few other videos) somehow, spurred me to consider trying an amateur attempt at documentary making (today...still only in the most primitive stages). And I got the idea that I could...just maybe...make one in particular that could "double" as a way of getting in touch with certain old acquaintances.

A biographical documentary (like, say, "Bully") about how I felt about certain things (or, really...people...well...girls) in my past. It would necessarily have to prominently feature this girl I've been talking about, in particular, of course! How my Asperger's influenced me at that time, even being a subject I would probably have to introduce into it. I could provide an update on how these certain people (the girls) who influenced me had developed through to today, perhaps in parallel to myself. I even formulated a possible title..."The Girls I Fancied: A Virgin's Lament". It could provide a means to assess the way my perceptions were in my youth...in relation to the opposite sex. And seeing how accurate (or inaccurate) they might have been. Because the inability to do so, now, has really been something that has nagged me for so long...so very long.

This potential project is even something I was actually going to consider talking about to the family if I contacted them again, in regards to her part in it. Does that possibility remain...at least in the FUTURE? Again...just later down the line?

But if it does, then where's the consistency in that? How is that not also creepy? To contact her for "professional" or "career" reasons, as opposed to just the simplest manner of mere socialization? Or would even that be a bad idea now? Bad idea just when it comes to ME?! As, I certainly think, people have contacted old acquaintances (regardless of their marital and family status) for documentary purposes before...no? The potential "creep factor" would even be abated by the openness of the documentary's theme. Or am I mistaken? I've certainly heard of more controversial subjects to cover in documentaries. And I presume the makers of most any controversial documentary repeatedly inquire more deeply into their subjects than merely ASKING about where they LIVE!

If it's all simply hopeless now, I just don't understand how. How could I be compelled to stay away from her FOREVER, just because I ventured to explore my past...and engage in a little brief sightseeing of a "landmark" (if you will) of my personal history. Again...I just went for an inquisitive stroll, when THEY engaged ME! I merely replied with just the mildest proactiveness. What, was I SUPPOSED to misrepresent myself as a person who didn't know her to her family?! What would I say if I DID allow them to give me a ride home and they more deeply inquired as to myself and what I had been looking for...complete LIES?! How much more creepy would that have been? And one might conclude that it was then, good that I DIDN'T take up there offer, so as to prevent such a situation. But, if anything, I probably appear even more creepy now BECAUSE I didn't take up their offer for a ride...no?! Because NOW I might look like I was doing something suspicious by my hesitancy to remain in their presence AFTER I had just inquired about her.

I merely tried to do something simple, that I've always been afraid of doing before...just going outside, and connecting with people! Now I'm damned to be virtually banished (by default) from her presence...for that minuscule amount of courage I mustered?! It almost seems like it's punishment for merely venturing away from my family at all. I thought I was on such a "roll". I'm tacitly disallowed from even engaging with her in the most casual manner, just because the particular circumstances of my brief inquisitiveness may appear suspect? All the other new people she's going to meet in the future...complete strangers (most whom may not have even done anything to deserve being in her presence)...get a free pass to see her? When, I, who new her, at least observationally (which is how I know my parents...and EVERYONE else, after all) am condemned to NEVER see her again? Yet I'm stuck with my parents, whom I'm ambivalent about now (on the BEST days), and who I was FORCED into by virtue of birth.

Again, I could just be blowing this all out of proportion. But, I don't, know...?



Last edited by GWiz on 23 Jul 2014, 2:05 am, edited 2 times in total.

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22 Jul 2014, 2:36 pm

GWiz wrote:
Okay...I'm not exactly sure if that last reply was intended to be sarcastic or not.


No that wasn't being sarcastic. I'll bet they texted her about it right after you left. Just don't listen to bleh12345 and pretend a FB message is the first time you tried looking for her. However, It's possible she might've not even been sure who you are if you only gave your first-name to the parents. If you message her you have to figure out a way to mention the house walk-by thing without it sounding weird. If it was me I'd probably just drop it since she lives in a different town anyways. How far away is the town btw?



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22 Jul 2014, 5:30 pm

Venger wrote:
GWiz wrote:
Okay...I'm not exactly sure if that last reply was intended to be sarcastic or not.


No that wasn't being sarcastic. I'll bet they texted her about it right after you left. Just don't listen to bleh12345 and pretend a FB message is the first time you tried looking for her. However, It's possible she might've not even been sure who you are if you only gave your first-name to the parents. If you message her you have to figure out a way to mention the house walk-by thing without it sounding weird. If it was me I'd probably just drop it since she lives in a different town anyways. How far away is the town btw?


I don't understand your advice. Mine is pretty good. It's normal for someone to wonder how someone is doing if they see that person's family. My reply isn't insisting that it's the first time he was looking for her recently. In fact, an NT would easily think it's normal to wonder "Hey, I just saw XXX's parents. I wonder if I could find her on FB and say hey! It sure has been a long time since I've seen her on high school!"

This situation, minus the romantic interest, happened to me a few times. She has no idea he was fantasizing about her, so talking to her on FB casually is not bad.

Consider this: If he didn't see her parents, contacting her on FB out of the blue might have a higher chance of seeming "weird". He now has a reason to wonder about how she's doing and FB is a good tool for contacting people without seeming creepy. If her parents told her, him contacting her on FB and asking how she is doing will make sense.



GWiz
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22 Jul 2014, 7:54 pm

Well, the town she lives in now is about forty minutes from mine. I don't know what that entails for practicality's sake.

Finding out whether she might actually be able to remember me (when given such sparse information) is PRECISELY one of the reasons I might consider meeting the family again (IF I consider it)! Any affirmation of recognition, whatsoever, would certainly abate much of my anxiety, I think. Even an open denial of any, might do so as well (in a less preferable way, of course). Though, a confirmation of my suspicion, might even further indicate for me, the possible existence of mutual feelings between us...AT ONE TIME. I could then be relatively confident WITHOUT even having to inquire any further on the subject. Though, I would probably more thoroughly introduce myself to the family, to be extra certain that she was given enough information (within reason and without pressure) for her to assess her memory of me. But that is all.

Having said that...there are reasons I think my first name alone could possibly be sufficient enough to recall some memories in her. My name wasn't really that common amongst our classmates at the time. I was actively noticed as being particularly quiet...something the family may have easily observed at our recent encounter (from my limited responses, and general reserve) and, likewise, informed her about (If they even told her about our meeting at all, that is). When (or if) my quiet demeanor is described (together with my name being given), then I'm pretty sure the likelyhood of her being able to correctly identify me as opposed to another person (or a complete stranger) is within the bounds of feasibility. I suppose there could have been others with my name, in those years, that I didn't notice...but not with MY demeanor AND description.

The manner of my facial hair and color of my hair have been "relatively" unchanged over the years and were acknowledged as fairly rare amongst my peers. Thus providing an opportunity to be vaguely "noticeable" in a visual sense. They would certainly be even MORE rare to find in conjunction with my other characteristics (that the family would have observed now) in any other boys at that time (with or without my same first name).

Its just that...there is a moderate likelyhood that they described me to her (if they mentioned me). And to, at least, (tacitly) assess the level of influence I may have had on her, is one of the intriguing prospects of this. Not necessarily even to encourage a furtherance of it...but (alternately) for some sort of "closure" to be put upon this whole issue, as a whole. An opportunity for "catharsis", if you will.

None the less...there is a chance that describing my appearance and demeanor could be sufficient additional information (alongside my name) for her recognition. As she definitely acted as if she noticed my behavior at the time. She seemed to respond to the "peculiarities" of that behavior, innocently...early on. Even taking a "fawning" tone (on the occasions of our interactions) when referencing something I did or said. With regard to my appearance...when I think about it, I can even vaguely remember her say that I was "cute" at least once or twice...in whispers...from a nearby chair in class (though I'm less "clear" about that memory). So...unless I became unrecognizably ugly (to her (and presumably her family's)) standards since then (and if I was right about those complimentary memories) then I would have the visual advantage for her recollection. Though, admittedly, there have been some minor cosmetic degradations to myself that I have found to be personally off putting. But I don't think they damaged my familiarity much.

She seemed to pay attention to me in periods of strong "bursts" (admittedly, with many lulls in between). Over time, she even escalated into making a number of jovial (perhaps, even juvenile), and occasionally provocative attempts to "shock" me out of my usual silent behavior. I can vividly remember one particular incident when we were on lunch break. She approached my table, with (I believe it was) two other girls flanking her. She, then, abruptly planted herself on the chair directly across from mine, with her friends in tow. Looked me dead in the eyes, for what seemed like at least a few seconds. And, to my utter astonishment, blurted out..."G-----...I'm gonna f--k you!". I know...that was quite crude and provocative, right? It was even unnerving...yet, strangely exciting to my mundane experience. Then she immediately scurried off, while giggling, and watching my reaction.

Just thinking of another strange (and so, perhaps, noteworthy) interaction with me...She once aggressively participated in an attempt to convince me to go out with one of her girlfriends (who had allegedly expressed an interest in me to her and others). She confronted me directly with a surrogate air of enticement (that didn't feel so surrogate), but I was too paralyzed by HER to consider anything else. And I think, from the way she stared at me, and paused, she sensed that too.

And if you need something else to convince you of the possibility of her having feelings for me before (and thus, likely, remembering me still), perhaps you could get a subtle indication from a more overarching view of my rather "peculiar" relationship with (seemingly) most girls in general. Over the years our interactions have tended to be strange. In what might have easily been construed as a good way...if I had ever gotten anywhere with any of them. You can get a sense of that history from what I conceived of calling yet another documentary I might possibly work on. For, soon after I contemplated that initial idea for a documentary, I got the idea of directly following it up with a sequel. One that would focus, instead, on my own potential influence on those girls in my life (particularly, with regards to the various awkward interactions that had confused me the most). To discern the truth about what had perplexed (and paralyzed) me in those said interactions. Perhaps for a (personal) scholarly analysis...or something more. It would be a companion piece. It might even serve as a part of a "cycle". I thought it would be called..."Georgie Porgie: Virgin Casanova".

And much like the title of the documentary would indicate, I actually have made a girl or two cry...from (what I gathered) was my projecting of a sense of rejection toward them (though, that was always due more to my social paralysis and confusion, than intent). The girlfriend for whom the girl (that I keep talking about) had tried to advocate (during the very same incident she did that for her) having been one of them. Another girl actually whined and begged when I couldn't bring myself to accept her advances due to my social ineptitude (and also some mild disinterest). More girls than that usually got a friend or fellow classmate to tell them to inform me that they liked me (an action that never ceased to perplex me). This is not even counting elementary school.

And (all things considered), with these general (apparent) expressions of attraction being taken into account, alongside, the more specific incidents that she took part in herself...what is the chance that I made NO impact on her? With the various girls that did express interest, what is the likelyhood that she was not one of them (at one time or another), when she (as much as any) seemed to make such overt motions towards me that early on?

Regardless of how it seems...pointing to these incidents is not strictly meant to brag...honestly! (I AM still a virgin, after all.) It's just what I'm submitting to you as potential evidence for why she could easily have thought of me. For a NUMBER of girls have at least SEEMED to (if I'm not TOTALLY delusional...though I could be). She, herself, certainly didn't show signs of IGNORING me! At least not until our interactions gradually waned...in and around the later years of high school. But is that enough to "erase" her earlier memory of me? (personal" scholarly purposes of analysis..as well

I have occasionally noticed a few girls I recognized from a loose circle of association that she once interacted with, whom made it clear that they still knew me...at least up until seven or so years ago. Few (if any) of them ever interacted with me as "provocatively" as she did. So, (comparatively speaking) would that not make it reasonable to assume that she is (or was) even MORE likely to remember me than they are (or were then)?

Some of you might even dare to respond that a "neurotypical" girl like her, might have only the most "superficial" and "limited" of memories, and so she could easily have forgotten about me...regardless of the perceived "intensity" of any encounters we had. And you might be right. But how would I find out (one way or the other) if any future interactions are off limits?! It matter of cathartic Upon further reflection of what I've, I have noticed that it may be starting to seem as though I am screwing with you...but I assure you, I am most definitely NOT! These occurrences in my life were all quite surreal, That is why I got the inspiration to record them and recount themBut if I never contact her this will always remain a question, and

But the prospect of NEVER even having the most rudimentary contact with her? Even beside the issue of my seeming "pining"...it would nullify my attempted documentary (or series thereof). Impede what could have been a "cycle". A real beginning to a possible career, at that. A venue for further socialization would be squashed (without an alternative). It would put an end to my attempt at a potentially bolstered social relationship with any person of deep memory.

To summarize my point. When it comes to the subject of assessing my status in her mind right now (from my current perspective), I doubt she would confuse me with some other person with the same first name. When considering, I'm guessing (but just guessing), that the chances of the only other possible candidates (if there are to be any for her to consider) from THAT particular time period, with both my name AND description...who also had similarly "noteworthy" interactions (so as to be stuck in her mind) would be nearly nonexistent. There wouldn't be anyone else for her to think I was. Boys with that name at the time who also might have engaged in actions even half as provocative (with her), have to be considerably small.

And I also doubt that she would forget all past occasions of hearing my first name at all because of the very verbal manner in which she repeatedly approached someone by that name...in the person of me! Least of all the fact that she said the name out loud...a number of times! And to that person...also, me! Thus I was a witness to this history, first hand. And, unless, maybe, her memory was "crowded" out by so many other interactions in her life, she just might remember me...if she knows I knew her in her youth, anyway.

Though, I still have a feeling of doubt. I'm, now, even thinking that I may not have clarified strongly enough that I knew her from high school. So, maybe there could have been even more people with my same name that she came to know later on! That could (POSSIBLY) have the potential to confuse things just a bit. Who Knows? I would have to bank on a description of me to be the defining factor, in that case.

But, then again, If she later has a chance to hear my LAST name it would DEFINITELY give me away (as it is decidedly non-anglophone)...or, conversely, it might just confirm that she somehow never picked it up. Which, considering it is from another language...one that her family speaks...would not likely have missed her ear.

It's just that these questions remain too strongly in my mind. The questions of the status of myself in her memory (for personal posterity) and the way in which she could ever be in my life (directly or referentially, or not at all). But I won't know ANY of this if I leave it be FOREVER. That's not to say I'll definitely pursue this or anything. It's just to exhibit my rationale. To make a case...perhaps?

All this is beside the point...I know. As, by all indications so far, she is (or is about to be) busy with a newborn. So any actions I do, or do not, take will be to consider down the line. Well...unless there IS a pressing need to give a gift or Facebook acknowledgement to salvage my (still, hypothetical) future image in her and her family's mind.

Again...just making a case. I'm prepared to be disappointed...I think?

This is all just confusing me now. I have to calm down...I know.

Edit: I know I've changed this post so many time. But I think I'm done with it now. sorry.



Last edited by GWiz on 23 Jul 2014, 7:47 pm, edited 17 times in total.

starvingartist
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22 Jul 2014, 8:01 pm

GWiz wrote:
Well, the town she lives in now is about forty minute from mine. I don't know what that entails for practicality's sake.

There is a reason I think it is a distinct possibility that she just might remember me from my first name alone. My name wasn't really that common amongst our classmates at the time. Certainly not with my demeanor and descriptionIts just that, There is a good chance that they described me to her as well.there was reason to believe she would remember me stillBut the prospect of NEVER seeing her It would just put a damper on the documentary (or series thereof Impede my My "cycle", if you will To assess the level of my influence Thats one of the most exciting prospects of this. my manner of my facial hair (and color of my hair have been "relatively" unchanged over the years. And, I believe, were somewhat I rare to see in cunjuction

I remember she She definitely noticed my behavior at the time. Attempts to "shock" me out of my behavior. She even played jovial (perhaps even juvenile), yet provocative get toorOnce during a lunch break shecame out of nowhereshe abbruptly planted herself in the seat across from mine, with two fellow girls, flankingplanted herself

the girlfriend who she advocated for being one of them, another just whined and begged when I couldn't bring myself to accept her advances.

So me informing them (and by extension, her) of myself even by just my first name is feasible to get a recollectionwhen takingtaking in to account (admittedly, perhaps, wrongly perceived wr

Doubt She would confuse me with some other person with my name, consideringI'm guessing (but just guessing) that the chances of the only other possible candidates from high school with my name AND description (If there even are any) who also had similarly "noteworthy" interactions with her being anywherein her memory are exceptionally small to unlikely did not have the same observable interaction with my name notno one with that name that she acting that way towards with my name that she
On top of it...You could just say a "neurotypical" girl like her might have only the most superficial and limited memories and so she could easily have forgotten me regardless incidents. And and you could be right. But I won't know if I leave it be. ot if I leave it be.suand to give you an ideaI was soon after I contemplated the documentary going to follow up the first documentary with a sequel called...


the woman just had a baby, with someone who isn't you. i think it's best to leave her alone. how much thought you put into all this alone tells me contacting her would be a bad idea, and that she would likely discern your obsessive romantic interest and be put off by it. also, what you said about neurotypicals and "superficial and limited memories" tells me that you don't seem to have too much respect for her, anyway. best to let it go.



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23 Jul 2014, 4:16 am

starvingartist wrote:
GWiz wrote:
Well, the town she lives in now is about forty minute from mine. I don't know what that entails for practicality's sake.

There is a reason I think it is a distinct possibility that she just might remember me from my first name alone. My name wasn't really that common amongst our classmates at the time. Certainly not with my demeanor and descriptionIts just that, There is a good chance that they described me to her as well.there was reason to believe she would remember me stillBut the prospect of NEVER seeing her It would just put a damper on the documentary (or series thereof Impede my My "cycle", if you will To assess the level of my influence Thats one of the most exciting prospects of this. my manner of my facial hair (and color of my hair have been "relatively" unchanged over the years. And, I believe, were somewhat I rare to see in cunjuction

I remember she She definitely noticed my behavior at the time. Attempts to "shock" me out of my behavior. She even played jovial (perhaps even juvenile), yet provocative get toorOnce during a lunch break shecame out of nowhereshe abbruptly planted herself in the seat across from mine, with two fellow girls, flankingplanted herself

the girlfriend who she advocated for being one of them, another just whined and begged when I couldn't bring myself to accept her advances.

So me informing them (and by extension, her) of myself even by just my first name is feasible to get a recollectionwhen takingtaking in to account (admittedly, perhaps, wrongly perceived wr

Doubt She would confuse me with some other person with my name, consideringI'm guessing (but just guessing) that the chances of the only other possible candidates from high school with my name AND description (If there even are any) who also had similarly "noteworthy" interactions with her being anywherein her memory are exceptionally small to unlikely did not have the same observable interaction with my name notno one with that name that she acting that way towards with my name that she
On top of it...You could just say a "neurotypical" girl like her might have only the most superficial and limited memories and so she could easily have forgotten me regardless incidents. And and you could be right. But I won't know if I leave it be. ot if I leave it be.suand to give you an ideaI was soon after I contemplated the documentary going to follow up the first documentary with a sequel called...


the woman just had a baby, with someone who isn't you. i think it's best to leave her alone. how much thought you put into all this alone tells me contacting her would be a bad idea, and that she would likely discern your obsessive romantic interest and be put off by it. also, what you said about neurotypicals and "superficial and limited memories" tells me that you don't seem to have too much respect for her, anyway. best to let it go.


I agree, but I also thought that maybe contacting her on FB to briefly catch up might help with closure. Perhaps if he sees for sure she is married (or she says it), it will help. I know it's very likely she is, but I just thought it might make sense for him. Since he didn't mention his obsession to her parents, I thought maybe he would know to refrain from this.

OP, if you were planning on telling her your fantasizing, it's not a good idea. If you are able to remain completely casual and only ask general "catching up" questions, it might be OK, but just be prepared for the "I'm married", because it's most likely the case. I'm worried you may be getting your hopes up a bit. Please, whatever you do, don't go back to the house.

I think I misread something in your original post. I think I didn't read properly and I thought that you were just passing by her house which you have been to before. If you've never been to her house, this will be creepy if you give her a FB message. Think back all of your life. Did she EVER say where she lived? Did she ever invite you over, or did you ever walk by and say "hi"? Ever give her a ride home or vice-versa? If not, I'm afraid the other person was correct in telling me you shouldn't listen to me. The only way you would have known it was her house if you've never seen it would be if you saw here there or looked it up, I'm afraid. They will all know this.