People are discouraging me from getting a diagnosis

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Out of the few people I've told so far about my suspicion that I have it, most of them told me not to tell anyone and just deal with it without a diagnosis.


I am almost 19 and live with my grandparents. I haven't mentioned it to them but I am very sure they will have this reaction, assuming they even believe that I'm not trying to make up excuses for my behavior. My dad would probably be somewhat understanding but I don't think he will really be supportive.

I want to tell people, not for sympathy, but because I'm happy that I feel I've finally found why I could never live up to anyone's expectations. But I'm sure they won't believe me, based on past experience. and I will need to tell my grandparents as I will probably need to use their car to go see a professional when I find one. Does anyone have any advice?

EDIT: By "it" in the first sentence I mean Asperger's

What country do you live in? If you live in the US I strongly recommend that you get one before you turn 19. Things change dramatically as far as eligibility for help and benefits in the US if you get an Autism diagnosis after the age or 18. If you feel like getting a diagnosis will help you then get it and get it quickly. The people who are discouraging you are not the ones living with the effects and challenges that you are dealing with and they might not be there for you when you need help.

I agree with skibum.

I do not live in the US so am not sure about the age issue, but it is you who has to live with your situation and you who may need assistance and you who will be blamed (probably by the same people you're feeling hampered by now) if you can't 'go it alone' successfully. While I know it's a really uncomfortable process, it is something you can and should try to do for yourself - Show them and yourself that you value yourself enough to try to meet your own needs appropriately. You know more about your situation than they do, it's your personal day to day existence - Who better to know the reality than you? You're not doing anything wrong by taking responsibility for yourself - You're actually doing something really positive and proactive!

If you need some support through the stress of telling the people you need to tell and arranging the assessment then come and rely on us here for any needs not being met by those in face to face life. There is always someone here who understands and can give you some support, advice or just tell you you have every right to look after yourself.

People who say things like that are the same ones who says stuff like "You're just too shy" or "You should try to socialize more and sometime you get better".
That means that they don't really understand what it feels like for you to live with all those difficulties.
As skibum said, if you think that is important to you to get your diagnostic go for it.

You know, I think some may be dissuading you from getting an official diagnosis because they don't want you using it as an excuse. From your original post, you seem to express a lot of guilt for not meeting their standards, so they may be guarded for that reason.

If the symptoms interfere with your life, and you would like professional guidance, then the sooner, the better. Especially if you suspect that you may have a co-morbid condition along with Asperger's, like manic and clinical depression, anxiety, OCD, and others.

You are a legal adult in the US; but that should not deter you from seeking assistance. Even with an adult diagnosis, services would still be available to you.

Do try to get it before you turn 19 though. That is important if you live in the US. It will make a big difference.

How did you decide which people to talk to about your self-diagnosis? Do they have experience of autism? What reasons did they give for advising you not to go for a confirmation of your diagnosis? What is the behaviour for which you feel the need to offer an explanation?

in my own experience, if you dont get the official diagnosis, the response you get from people will be that same thing, but if you do get it, then that will eventually change what others think and say who are already in your life. and it will add almost instantly a professional(s) in your life who will help and validate, and understand, and help you find ways to cope with the things you want/need to do. and those people can also speak with those in your life to help them understand too.
in different states it varies about when the accepted agelimit cuts off at for a diagnosis and support. in indiana, you have to be diagnosed prior to your 22nd birthday. (to apply and be approved for state assitance or housing aid or day activities or other state programs for those on the autism spectrum (and/or other developmental disabilities).

I hadn't thought about that. Very true.

Some older people are unfamiliar with modern diagnostics and the multitude of disorders that weren't discovered until all that long ago. When my Mom was a kid people didn't talk about mental illness at all. To acknowledge disorders that they weren't aware of existing before may be too much to ask of them. I suggest you pursue your diagnosis and don't feel you have to tell anyone.

Who will cover the costs of this one-to-one attention? Do you seriously believe that a professional provider of ASD diagnoses will freely offer the supplementary additional services which you describe?

What happens after 19? I do live in the U.S. and that means I have less than two months. How can I go about getting a diagnosis?

In the US, this would be a case worker and the description above would glamorize that help. The state you live in pays for the social worker, they function as a case manager to refer you to other providers like counselors.

You are automatically assigned a case worker when you apply for benefits. The benefits pay for it, if you are awarded them due to disability.



To answer, after age 19, there are no services for young people with disabilities unless they receive SSI or SSDI. All services otherwise are paid for through health insurance or out-of-pocket.

I don't know if it matters after you're already 18, you're expected to join the workforce or enroll in college typically.

Are you wanting the Dx for your own peace of mind and search for applicable services, or are you wanting the DX so you can get government provided benefits? Or both? The two paths are a bit different and depend on your own personal resources (or those of your family).

I say ignore what people say and get it if you want. It's very easy for people outside youir experience to pooh-pooh a diagnosis; but in my own experience the personal validation and understanding it gave me (despite the difficulty of coming to terms with it) were more than helpful. You're lucky to be as young as you are and taking care of whatever ails you. You won't have 40-odd years of painfully perplexing memories to sift through.

And if that's not good enough reason, just remember this: sooner or later, you will want or need to know. You owe it to yourself to know, but it can also affect your life whether you know for sure or not. Best to be armed with knowledge and take what steps you can as soon as you can.

If the OP gets the diagnosis, but tells no-one about it, then what will he/she have achieved?

If the OP needs assistance with the practicalities of daily living, then he/she should simply demonstrate his/her handicap - the cause of the handicap is not particularly relevant.

But if, like most of us, the OP is able to take care of his/her own personal needs, then a self-diagnosis is all that he/she needs.

I think having a diagnosis is good, like "now I know what is wrong...", and you can deal it that. Can understand about your mind, etc.