My carpet addiction

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Hi

First of all, I'm glad I found this forum. I like to read about psychological conditions. But reading about it is different than actually reading people's experience with the disorder. And I didn't know that people with autism are aware of their condition until I found this site. One of my favorite celebrities' son is diagnosed with autism. So, seeing adults/teenagers expressing themselves quite well on this forum made me happy.

But I didn't find this forum while researching about autism. In fact, I was googling my strange habit to see if there's anyone else doing it. I came across a topic talking about stimming on this forum. And decided that I should write here about my habit. It is kinda weird though; I like to rub my index fingers to/against carpet. And my toes. But mostly index fingers. I have been doing this since 10 years(at least) I guess. Not sure how it started. I don't know why I do this but it feels good. It doesn't feel good when I get obsessed with it and do it till it reaches to a certain number I pick in my mind. But usually, it makes me feel better. It's not any carpet by the way, it has to be rough like office carpets. Sometimes I do it so much my fingertips hurt for a couple of days. Of course when they're back to normal, I restart doing it. I don't feel the urge to do it when I'm not near a carpet, but when I sit on the floor, it's hard to resist touching/rubbing it with my toes or fingers. I tried to quit it for many times. A few years ago, my favorite carpet(it was really rough, I loved it) got changed. Of course the new carpet was soft and I didn't like it that much. I was glad that it might help me to quit. But even though I didn't love to rub that soft carpet, I still didn't stop. And you know, after a while the new carpet gets rougher. So I just kept doing it. Actually I promised myself countless times that that's the last time I'm doing it but I restarted again and again.

It's not just carpets by the way, I do it with some other rough things too. I don't remember much example right now except digital camera cases. You know, the spiky part. Well I don't know what it is called in English so I'll just skip describing this.

Perhaps you're gonna ask "why are you trying to stop if it makes you feel better?". Well, because I think this is not a healthy thing to do. Every time I rub the carpet, I get up and wash my hands. But still, it's carpet you know. Not very hygienic and also I read that carpets are carcinogenic. Besides, when I don't do it for a while, it makes me feel better, gives me some self esteem.

I know this is probably not autism. But I don't know what kinda forum I should write this to. I'm guessing that you guys know a lot about this sorta things and other psychological things, not just autism. So, perhaps you can redirect me to some other section of the forum or give me some advices on how to stop this. I also have some other problems but I'm not writing them right now because I'm not sure if they're connected with this habit.

Sorry for the long post. I probably messed up with past tense and that sorta words. If you don't understand anything please ask. Not sure if anyone's gonna read this but anyway .

I can't help you with how to stop, but I might be able to help you with a laugh. I remember doing something similar back in the late 60's/early 70's with shag carpet. I have no clue if I would still be doing it if shag carpet never went out of style.

I hope this doesn't mean that I have to get rid of all the carpets in the house to stop myself . I wonder how old were you at that time?

My thing is edges and long fine things, like wineglass stems, pencils, and folds in cloth. Even better if the wineglass stem has those edgy fillets. I also like to roll small roundish things in my fingers. Some have suggested it's a sensual or phallic thing, but I disagree. It's a tactile thing that I like to call tactile geometry.. lol

welcome to WP.
get a free sample from a carpet shop,make it into a small square [smaller than credit card size] and feel it whenever have the need,no one else has to see it.
its not a problem for hygeine if its a new piece of carpet,and there is absolutely nothing wrong in stimming;both NTs and autistics do it,the only difference is we do it a load more and may have stims which NTs call socialy inapropriate.

Exactly. I think better when I'm stimming.

But I can see why you might want to stop because it's hard to do things you have to do if you are down on the floor feeling the carpet. I like the idea that KoR suggested of getting a sample piece to carry around that you could have in your lap and do other things too without having to be down on the floor and getting your hands dirty with whatever people track in on their shoes.

I was 3 to 6 years old. I won't call this a stim partially because I was to young to remember why I did it. I also remember raking that carpet for spare change for the ice cream man.

I find it quite absurd when someone says it's sensual/sexual about that sorta things. Like you, I disagree.

By the way, I saw on this forum that people usually like soft things like blankets and can't stand rough things. That shocked me because it's totally opposite for me. It's not that I don't like soft blankets, I like to rub them. But I know it's not an addiction for me, I can tell the difference. A lot of people I know like it and I guess I just feel the same way as them about soft blankets. But when it's carpets/camera cases it's different.

Thanks for the idea. But I can't do it without my parents realizing it. Let's say that I get the sample and put it in my pocket. I'm sure I'll forget it in my pocket sometime and when I change my clothes, my mom will find it. She always checks the pockets of my trousers because I usually forget something there.

What is NT? I saw it a lot on this forum but I don't know what it means.
Luckily, we don't step on carpets with our shoes . I'd love have a clean, small carpet on my lap but like I said above, it's not possible. Thanks and I love your avatar.
Lol . Well, I don't exactly know what stim is actually, so I'm not sure if my habit is stimming. I'm doing some other things lately, like swaying side to side or shaking/swinging one of my feet. I think swinging my feet helps me to concentrate better. I don't know why I rock though. Anyways, I think those are different than carpet thing because I can't control them(specially rocking) easily, but I can control carpet. Like, when someone is at the room I don't do it. If I'm using computer I don't rub with my fingers-as long as I don't crave for it- because if I do, I'll have to get up and wash my hands before touching computer. And if I talk to myself enough(yes I do it sometimes) I can just curl my legs up while sitting on a couch and stay away from rubbing with my toes for a while. It's just that I'm kinda lost lately and I'm not thinking too much or talking to myself too much about carpet thing. When I rub, I just think "ok, I'll stop it sometime" and keep doing it. I think it's time to pull myself together. The problem is; I get easily demoralized. If I'm good for 2 weeks, third week something happens(right now it's sleeping too late) and I lose my courage. I know this is wrong, I know I have to keep doing things I need to do even though something bothers me like change of daily life. But it's kinda hard for me to do.

Past month was quite good. Because it was Ramadan and I had to wake up at a certain time, eat at a certain time. My eating improved(more water, more fruits) etc... But after Ramadan, I messed up with my sleeping. I'm not feeling that bad right now but I know-because it happened before- it'll go downhill if I don't control myself.

Thank you all for your replies. It was hard to write about this habit at first but it's easier now. Although, I'm not ready to talk about it with my parents yet, perhaps I can talk some other things with them-after gathering some information from here of course.

"NT" is short for neurotypical. It means people who don't have a cognitive difference or disability. The opposite is "neurodiverse", which of course includes autistic people, people with ADHD or schizophrenia or intellectual disability, or gifted people or people with synesthesia... you know, anybody with a weird brain. NTs make up the majority to our minority.

Thanks for explanation.

I'll try to stop my habit with a way I found -but didn't carry out consistently- a few years ago. I'm gonna give myself a "daily score" based on how much I rubbed my finger that day. Like:
1/5 if I do it just for a minute or two.
3/5 if I do it for half hour.
5/5 if I do it more than an hour and it affects my daily life.
Of course I don't check the clock when I rub my fingers but I guess I'll know roughly how much time I spent rubbing the carpet.
Childish? I know...

By the way, I have a question. Can someone grow up without realizing he/she has Autism or ADHD? When I read about them I realize that I have a lot in common-mostly with ADHD-. But I always thought that I can't have them, especially Autism because I thought it is very obvious and people with autism are diagnosed before they're 2-3 years old. But now on this forum I saw some people that were diagnosed at 23 or 25 or even 56. I'm confused. I'm planning to writing to an ADHD forum but first, I want to know if being diagnosed after age 18 is possible.

People of a certain set of older generations can and have grown up without realizing they have autism, because they are on the "high functioning" end of the autism spectrum, and this group (which includes Asperger's) can "go under the radar" as children because their autism is not as immediately noticeable or obvious as it is for those with what's known as classic autism, and low funtioning autism, which of course is probably going to get noticed very early on in childhood.

It used to be that even professionals overlooked the possibility of a child who seems mostly "normal" actually having spectrum challenges, and therefore needing to be evaluated for a possible diagnosis.

Now, there is more awareness of high functioning children and adults who once would have been thought neurotypical and expected to BE neurotypical, but who are none the less are on the autism spectrum, and are now able to be diagnosed as such.

But in the childhoods of people in their 40's, 50s and older, they may have been thought of as simply shy, or difficult, or their meltdown's thought to be naughty tantrums, or their sensory issues thought to be caused by merely being a spoiled brat, etc ("Why don't you like your nice new scratchy woolen dress I paid so much for, you ungrateful little B word?")

Autism is a spectrum of varying severity and varying "obviousness" of traits and symptoms, challenges and disability, and those on the higher functioning end can go unnoticed, and therefore unevaluated and undiagnosed, although often everyone in their lives including themselves know that "something" is out of whack.

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