I'm going to start being mean to people

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Siamese
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11 Aug 2014, 7:53 am

Here are a few of my posts and that's why
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp6036061 ... t=#6036061
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp6006072 ... t=#6006072
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp6000213 ... t=#6000213
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp6000193 ... t=#6000193

I'm not going to pick fights or argue with people and stuff. I am just going to start being mean.

What I'm going to do to everyone except my parents and counselor:

-Ignore them when they knock on my door
-Ignore homless people and not give them money when they ask
-Step in front of people who step in front of me in line
-Not say hi to people who say hi to me, especially random strangers
-When people talk about subjects like race, politics, religion that frustrates me, I'll tell them "I don't care keep it to yourself" and not give them an explanation
-Not open the door for physically disabled people or anyone
-Not say please and thank you
-If someone gets hit by a car or is drunk and lying in the middle of the street or sidewalk or whatever, I am just going to walk right pass them
-If someone passes out from a heat stroke, I am just going to act like they aren't there
-There's more but I cant think of any right now

And for now on I'm not talking to anyone, I'm just keeping to myself.

If I start doing these things, will I eventually stop caring and get over what others have done to me? It's kind of like OCD, if I change my habits and let the guilt and anxiety peak, will I just stop feeling guilty about doing these things?



Toy_Soldier
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11 Aug 2014, 11:12 am

People with ASD often end up with the short end of the stick socially and on top of that you are dealing with overt and subtle racism. But there isn't a one best response that fits all situations... for example if you are friendly to everyone you will be taken advantage of, and if you are mean to everyone you will be shunned and alone.

You have to try and evaluate people one at a time and then respond based on that.



VisInsita
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11 Aug 2014, 12:01 pm

Toy_Soldier, I hate the constant self-serving calculation and gaming people base their actions and encounters on. Some even seem to have become completely lost as true beings in their constant gaming. ?Soul? seems to be in danger becoming extinct.

Siamese, when life becomes a game, you lose, no matter how good you play. Even if you are the next Bobby Fischer, you will lose. When there is no winning or losing, life frees you to love.

Hold on to yourself.



Siamese
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11 Aug 2014, 2:24 pm

And with the ignoring thing. I don't fear karma, because it already happens to me anyways. And the only real way to not get ignored is to simply not contact anyone. It's your fault if you get ignored, because one cannot be ignored if they don't give people the chance to ignore them. Sure there are people who simply ignore someone else's existence, but they aren't direclty ignoring you. And all the other stuff can happen to me, but it can happen to anyone even if they are considerate. I not giving to charities, I don't care about hungry children in third world countries, I don't even care about hurting the person's feelings who feels the same way I do. It's their problem, not mine.

And those people who I developed close connections with over the years, they end up ignoring me and I feel bad about it for 3 years or more, only to find out that they still live in the same city as me and have new friends that they laugh and have a good time with, not feeling guilt at all. Also, these same people are the people who who aren't bothered by what bothers me.

Go figure ...



Siamese
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11 Aug 2014, 2:55 pm

Toy_Soldier wrote:
People with ASD often end up with the short end of the stick socially and on top of that you are dealing with overt and subtle racism. But there isn't a one best response that fits all situations... for example if you are friendly to everyone you will be taken advantage of, and if you are mean to everyone you will be shunned and alone.

You have to try and evaluate people one at a time and then respond based on that.


I'm already shunned and alone. People look down on me because I am black, ignore me because I'm weird. So it's already happening. I don't see how it could affect me more than it already does right now.

And the people who already do mean things, most of them are already like this, not because other people do it to them. That's why when people tell me that every feels the things that I do, they just lean to "let go"...I don't buy it. I think the stuff just naturally doesn't bother them anyway, mainly due to lack of the horrible experiences, therefore there is little to no effort letting go on their part.

I've seen black people sit around and obsess over a racist incident or what they perceive as racist, while white people just say "get over it". This is why beautiful women are able to just blow guys off in a heartbeat and not feel anything because it doesn't really happen to them unless they choose to go after a guy way out of their league like (rich, extremely handsome and popular).

I have an underbite that I am currently getting corrected. Only 2% of the population gets this malocclusion. Everywhere I go, I am always the only person in the room with an underbite. I can be in a stadium of 3,000 people and not spot a single person with an underbite, yet every 3rd person I see is joyously smiling with an overbite that obviously needs to be corrected. Most people usually get overbites 70%. And the people with overbites smile showing their teeth when they take pictures. Not very many people with underbites show their teeth when they smile on pictures. On top of that I had tongue tie, only 10% of the population gets that. I have never met anyone with both, not even my ortho. Everyone tells me to get over it, except my orto and my counselor who has an underbite. I also have smaller than average teeth and small lateral inscisors that will be corrected. No one I know with an underbite has small teeth like me. The people who tell me to get over my underbite dont have one. The people who I know that have it obsess over it.

Starting to see a pattern?



kraftiekortie
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11 Aug 2014, 4:20 pm

Hey Siamese,

What's happening?

Please don't sabotage your future by adopting this attitude. I hope you don't drop out of university--you have a future ahead of you.

So what if you have an underbite? So what if only 2% of the population has an underbite? I've never developed wisdom teeth--whatsoever. Maybe 2% of the population has not developed wisdom teeth whatsoever. Am I going to obsess over this? Heck no!

Yep...there's racism. But that didn't prevent Martin Luther King, Thurgood Marshall, and many others from transcending that racism (while acknowledging its existence). You are your own person. You have a mind---use it.

People fall into this trap all the time, they drop out of university/college, they blame society, they become dependent upon others, never dependent upon their selves. They fall deeper and deeper into the whirlpool, which they cannot extricate themselves from. Why do that to yourself?

Weren't you majoring in "medical translation" or something of that ilk?

I can understand that you want to vent; something made you upset (probably something specific). I would just detach myself from the immediate situation, really THINK about things.

I guarantee it: if you begin to think you're a victim, you're guaranteed to be a victim. Self-fulfilling prophecy.

We had a nice chat about four months ago. I hope I could influence you not to adopt the attitude you propose to adopt.



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11 Aug 2014, 9:33 pm

Siamese wrote:
Toy_Soldier wrote:
People with ASD often end up with the short end of the stick socially and on top of that you are dealing with overt and subtle racism. But there isn't a one best response that fits all situations... for example if you are friendly to everyone you will be taken advantage of, and if you are mean to everyone you will be shunned and alone.

You have to try and evaluate people one at a time and then respond based on that.


I'm already shunned and alone. People look down on me because I am black, ignore me because I'm weird. So it's already happening. I don't see how it could affect me more than it already does right now.

And the people who already do mean things, most of them are already like this, not because other people do it to them. That's why when people tell me that every feels the things that I do, they just lean to "let go"...I don't buy it. I think the stuff just naturally doesn't bother them anyway, mainly due to lack of the horrible experiences, therefore there is little to no effort letting go on their part.

I've seen black people sit around and obsess over a racist incident or what they perceive as racist, while white people just say "get over it". This is why beautiful women are able to just blow guys off in a heartbeat and not feel anything because it doesn't really happen to them unless they choose to go after a guy way out of their league like (rich, extremely handsome and popular).

I have an underbite that I am currently getting corrected. Only 2% of the population gets this malocclusion. Everywhere I go, I am always the only person in the room with an underbite. I can be in a stadium of 3,000 people and not spot a single person with an underbite, yet every 3rd person I see is joyously smiling with an overbite that obviously needs to be corrected. Most people usually get overbites 70%. And the people with overbites smile showing their teeth when they take pictures. Not very many people with underbites show their teeth when they smile on pictures. On top of that I had tongue tie, only 10% of the population gets that. I have never met anyone with both, not even my ortho. Everyone tells me to get over it, except my orto and my counselor who has an underbite. I also have smaller than average teeth and small lateral inscisors that will be corrected. No one I know with an underbite has small teeth like me. The people who tell me to get over my underbite dont have one. The people who I know that have it obsess over it.

Starting to see a pattern?


Siamese? This is rhetorical btw.. you don't have to answer, but how old are you? You remind me of myself at 17. Instead of like worrying about reacting to things you can change, maybe you should worry about improving yourself, through exercise and fitness. Or future career plans so you can get a job and move out of what seems like a terrible area.

I myself am black and I myself have dealt with racism, I at one point lived in a racist town, a town that when I went back 12 years later had people out with signs of Obama looking like a monkey, an obvious racial jab to african americans and I don't even really care for obama.

I understand you're dealing with a lot and I do sympathize, but your mentallity is not good in terms of possibly dealing with it. Also as I said in your other posts, are you simply presuming everyone is racist or are you certain due to the things they say? (Racists comments/slurs)

Also I think about things done and said to me that were racist in nature, but crap happens to everyone--maybe this particular thing is pretty unique to you, but everyone has problems and you do not have to dwell upon them as opposed to working on yourself to get away from them and to strengthen your mentallity so they don't hurt quite as badly. Mistreating others will lead you only to depression and misery.. hope everything works out for you.



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11 Aug 2014, 10:48 pm

On the problems that come with racism there is no real fix. It's exsists everywhere and will not go away any time soon. But we all have to live with that, like we all must live with a bad economy or global warming. Just so you know, its the same the other way around, if you are a white minority in a black area. I had to deal with being chased, robbed or hit many times during the 15 years I was in that situation, growing up. It was never done by people I knew, always by strangers, and I was a target simply because of my skin color. On the other hand most of my friends were black or mixed and I felt accepted by them and was included. And when I left there I went to a almost all white area, where the black minority was targeted and attacked, bullied. And on and on it goes.

So I come back to my earlier theme. You can't judge people by whatever race or group they happen to belong to. All people come in different types, some are good, some are bad.

I do get it when you say that none seem to treat you fairly, and I don't doubt you. But you can't count on much from strangers. And although I think being mean to everyone takes it too far, having some shell up to protect yourself isn't a bad idea in the world at large.

But you have to keep the door open at least a crack, and keep your eye out for someone whom seems friendly and genuine. They might be far and few between, but they are out there. Probably all of us with ASD have to work with a much smaller group of potential friends, as many do automatically discount us as 'weird' and therefore to be avoided or bullied. Keep that good person inside you alive for the day you meet another, or at least the hope that you will. IT can happen. You never know what is just around the next bend.



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12 Aug 2014, 8:45 am

VisInsita wrote:
Toy_Soldier, I hate the constant self-serving calculation and gaming people base their actions and encounters on. Some even seem to have become completely lost as true beings in their constant gaming. ?Soul? seems to be in danger becoming extinct.


Our history, humankind's, is one of competition and strife. That is our basic nature, like all the other animals. Concepts of 'soul' are usually extra-natural, visualizations or philosophies following a course not tied to natural survival instincts. But even this can become a bone of contention as conflicts arise based to some extent on differing beliefs on the nature of one's soul.

In seclusion, outside or on the fringe of society, one might indulge a truly 'soulful' life. It also depends on having basic necessities at hand or provided. But to try and live solely that way in society is extremely difficult if not impossible. One must still engage people and institutions and to an extent on their terms.



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12 Aug 2014, 11:23 am

No you will just turn into an as*hole, with a lot of guilt about it deep down inside that you try to hide from people via acting like an even bigger as*hole.

Is that how you want to end up?


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Thebigrage
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12 Aug 2014, 11:37 am

being mean never helped anyone, I can sometimes be mean without even trying. not saying being nice gets you anywhere either honestly I am a nice person, but other than that I am nothing. I would have a hard time being mean because I hate when people are sad, I can't stand it. so I try to be nice and bring people smiles. I have been used and abused for being nice but I still don't think being mean would change anything. I would instead just be that mean guy instead of that nice guy. nothing else would change about me so there is no point in it. the world is full of mean people I have met many mean people, but I still try to be as nice as I can be.



VisInsita
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12 Aug 2014, 1:55 pm

Toy_Soldier wrote:
Our history, humankind's, is one of competition and strife. That is our basic nature, like all the other animals. Concepts of 'soul' are usually extra-natural, visualizations or philosophies following a course not tied to natural survival instincts. But even this can become a bone of contention as conflicts arise based to some extent on differing beliefs on the nature of one's soul.

In seclusion, outside or on the fringe of society, one might indulge a truly 'soulful' life. It also depends on having basic necessities at hand or provided. But to try and live solely that way in society is extremely difficult if not impossible. One must still engage people and institutions and to an extent on their terms.


In my opinion all these actions that Siamese listed stem from the sense of weakness.

In these games we people play, you are a loser, no matter how good you play by the rules, because the whole existence of that game is based on the fact that you fear and feel constantly like a possible loser. We try to transfer that feeling outside to come along with it - to win a game to feel like a winner. In that game the rules of a game of honesty are unknown, since the game of who hides their weakness best, is based on lies already from the first move. The concept of a loser, winner or war is an illusion created by the mind that is constantly afraid and unsure of its existence and placement.

It takes power to walk around with a weapon (human?s destructive ability), but not to use it. A person crippled by inner fear, grabs to that weapon tightly, and the more and more he or she transfers the feeling of power outside, to the ?gun? in his or hers hand, pointing towards others, the weaker and weaker the being and will inside (?soul?) comes. All insecurities, all actions, all said and done, serves the fear, the game.



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12 Aug 2014, 3:10 pm

VisInsita wrote:
In my opinion all these actions that Siamese listed stem from the sense of weakness.

In these games we people play, you are a loser, no matter how good you play by the rules, because the whole existence of that game is based on the fact that you fear and feel constantly like a possible loser. We try to transfer that feeling outside to come along with it - to win a game to feel like a winner. In that game the rules of a game of honesty are unknown, since the game of who hides their weakness best, is based on lies already from the first move. The concept of a loser, winner or war is an illusion created by the mind that is constantly afraid and unsure of its existence and placement.

It takes power to walk around with a weapon (human?s destructive ability), but not to use it. A person crippled by inner fear, grabs to that weapon tightly, and the more and more he or she transfers the feeling of power outside, to the ?gun? in his or hers hand, pointing towards others, the weaker and weaker the being and will inside (?soul?) comes. All insecurities, all actions, all said and done, serves the fear, the game.


I don't actually disagree with much of what you are saying, though I don't see the games aspect being quite so dominant. Certainly fear is a major motivating factor, or can be, in much we do, and I too see that in Siamese's issues and his response being an attempt to protect himself from future injury.

I think your alternative is somewhat idealistic however, and I have never been able to figure out how someone actually implements idealism in a dog eat dog world. I think you would just get chewed up, or as I mentioned before become a recluse almost in the process.



Siamese
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12 Aug 2014, 3:18 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
No you will just turn into an as*hole, with a lot of guilt about it deep down inside that you try to hide from people via acting like an even bigger as*hole.

Is that how you want to end up?


If I end up that way, at least I won't care. Therefore it wouldnt matter



kraftiekortie
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12 Aug 2014, 3:26 pm

But the whole point is:

Is that you WILL care, though it may be hidden by your momentary discontent.

You care enough NOT to care.



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