Feeling like you HAVE to answer questions when on the spot

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OGBobbyJohnson
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24 Aug 2014, 4:10 am

I've recently been put on the spot by a friend who askd personal questions in order to catch up with me but theyre loaded questions that I feel hes looking for an answer so he can make fun of me or something.

This is just one instance of this scenario. It doesnt have to be personal questions but it usually is. I feel like im defending myself when asked these questions, like im sortof being attacked.

When answering, because he did it infront of other people and I couldnt give BS responses to get out of the question. I felt overwhelmed with other people also listening and waiting for my answer.

I HATE when im asked questions because i feel i HAVE to answer, only recently have I practiced the habit of recognizing things i dont want to respond to and being ok with not responding.

I realize its a lot different when put on the spot infront of other people and the feeling of not being able to get out of a situation like that is insane, I felt so overwhelmed and desperate to string together any sort of valid response. I still play a video of the situation in my head and get angry. I always relive social moments where i said stupid things by playing them over and over in my head throughout the day.



Jensen
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24 Aug 2014, 7:35 am

It´s actually very rude of your friend to drive you up the wall like that!
Unless it is a "truth"-game, where everyone can be asked personal questions, you don´t have to answer!
Learn phrases like, "that´s personal", or "I don´t think, this is the time", or "I don´t want to discuss this".
Perhaps others have better phrases for you to use.

If he´s your friend, then ask him not to do this. Some people don´t see, why others would mind questions.


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Last edited by Jensen on 24 Aug 2014, 9:05 am, edited 1 time in total.

Lucywlf
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24 Aug 2014, 7:53 am

This kind of thing is exactly why I avoid people. I've had people do that kind of thing not only to make fun of me but to give them reason to outright HATE me and do nasty things. No answer you give is right, either; everything can be twisted into something you never intended.



AspieUtah
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24 Aug 2014, 9:28 am

Jensen wrote:
It´s actually very rude of your friend to drive you up the wall like that!
Unless it is a "truth"-game, where everyone can be asked personal questions, you don´t have to answer!
Learn phrases like, "that´s personal", or "I don´t think, this is the time", or "I don´t want to discuss this".
Perhaps others have better phrases for you to use.

If he´s your friend, then ask him not to do this. Some people don´t see, why others would mind questions.

NTs have a phrase that they use when questions of them become too personal or asked at the wrong times: "Oh, you know; same old stuff!" or a variation of the same. It is a great way to deflect unwanted questions without becoming to defensive. Of course, repeated questioning eventually requires more defensive replies.


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jk1
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24 Aug 2014, 10:26 am

When someone asking the question has a rather mean/malicious intention in asking you a question, there really isn't any point in answering the question seriously. So you shouldn't have to be really honest in answering. It's okay if you sound a bit rude (but not angry), because it's rude of that person to ask you the question in the first place. If you are nice, some people will only take advantage of you.

I've been in that situation quite a few times. I used to feel that I had to be honest but I learned my lesson. Now I just give a BS answer or just tell the person to mind their own business.



Hi_Im_B0B
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24 Aug 2014, 10:54 am

OGBobbyJohnson wrote:
When answering, because he did it infront of other people and I couldnt give BS responses to get out of the question. I felt overwhelmed with other people also listening and waiting for my answer.

I HATE when im asked questions because i feel i HAVE to answer, only recently have I practiced the habit of recognizing things i dont want to respond to and being ok with not responding.
1) why can't you give BS responses in front of other people?

2) the only time you HAVE to answer is if you are in court, under oath.



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24 Aug 2014, 2:14 pm

^exactly. you don't have to answer.

what i do is i just give tiny answers i'm comfortable with, that may or may not answer their question in full.


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