Jaded about friendship

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I'm so worried that I'm becoming too jaded to make friends. To make matters worse my jadedness is a perfect sidekick to what ever craziness I have because I get super insecure about whether a new friend is going to stay friends and bug them if they take a break from me until they don't want anything to do with me.

Before, I made friends and then kept following along that string of friends like a giant game of 6 degrees of separation. So then I could make new friends without focusing on them so much that it would drive them away. That's how I was able to make new friends off the internet and through work and was friends with 3 groups of people that loved me. Then two people out of two of the groups abandoned me and I freaked out and stopped being friends with those 2 groups. In the 3rd group I had a friend that I had been crushing on and he was kind of always a little mean to me. I forced the crush with him and as I knew he would he said he wasn't interested so I stopped being his friend cause I was tired of the general meanness. I've had this tendency from when I was kid to throw everything up in the air when I get too overwhelmed so that's what I kind of did there.

I get that security and insecurity are like a spiral in that they get progressively easier as you improve. But, now I have no real friends and I get all weird with new friends because of the stuff that happened with the old friends. Last year, I made up with one of the friends who abandoned me but I was too depressed already from being abandoned by her and the other group and she took issue with how I was acting. My focus and memory get shot to nothing when I'm super depressed and I couldn't even hold a conversation for more than a sentence because of my lack of focus. So she told me we couldn't be friends with someone who she couldn't talk to.

Ugh, how do I make a friend without driving them away so I can make more friends and gain my trust in friendship back? I'd like a bf too but I don't see the point in thinking I can have a bf when I'm not even in a place to have friends. And when you're insecure all you attract are other insecure people.

Ask a few times to hang out with a friend, but also let them ask. If they are a true friend and truly interested in friends as much as you are, then they will be asking you back as well.

Also, let things happen naturally. Try to share experiences. I'm not sure how old you are, I'm guessing around 15-25.

If someone you knows doing something, try to join in. Accept any invitations out, go to any parties or events you're invited to, etc.

Sorry for being vague, it is hard to be specific because I don't know your exact circumstances.

It's a good idea to find people with a shared interest in something, and build friendships out of that...

A friendship is always much more solid when there is a reason or purpose behind that friendship. If you're friend needs you either for a practical reason, or simply an emotional reason (what I mean by this is they relate to you or your experiences, feel comfortable with you...) then its more likely they will stick around, compared to just having people to hang out with for the sake of it.

There are plenty of meetup groups and other online socialising opportunities about where you can find friends, and if there's nothing suitable for you in these group you can always set up a facebook group to create a social network, or simply collect a group of people that want to socialise all in one place. There are tonnes of people out there open and looking for new friends, its a question of finding them.

Think about the things you could offer a friend, things you would enjoy doing with a friend, and look for those types of people.

How to Identify a False Friend: 17 Steps (with Pictures)
http://www.wikihow.com/Identify-a-False-Friend

Might help.

Friendships come and go with time like, paraphrasing the line from the final scene of the movie "Stand By Me", "busboys at a restaurant".

Thanks people of the corn. I've started making a few more friends. Feeling more positive about stuff. And... I'm 30. I've just had piss-poor luck with making and keeping friends my whole life. I didn't have any until I was in high school and that was after trying to act like an idiot. Good lesson, though.

Honestly what I hate is when I would go out to music show with a roommate and be totally ignored for the rest of the evening. Anywhere I go if I am invited by people I'm briefly introduced for about 5 -10 minutes to "everyone" then ignored for the rest of the evening.

I've been thinking lately about what kind of friends I want and it's impossible to find "my sort" im just blue collar enough I don't wear gap clothes, sit at expensive cafes and pretend I'm a liberal quasi enlightened intellectual. But I'm smart enough I'm not a complete idiot whose only pass time is doing stupid brain dead stuff. Im a slacker but not a bum, or music punk person. I actually want a real professional job but Im not enough of suburban creature to dress well and being clean shaven for that matter and spend my time "keeping up with the smiths and being a bro". Nor am I interested in MAGIC, or obsessing over STARWARS, LOTR or ZELDA. And I am getting sick to death of attracting crazy people, I seriously can't stand it any longer. I know I'm not normal but Im not so abnormal to justify the attraction the freaks seem to have for me, It just ain't fair god damn it.

I'm just about a little of everything but not one thing and therefore can't fit neatly anywhere. I am square and round alternatively , yes I know that is a complete contradiction, but it's mixed firgurative speech.