Do the majority of guys with A.S. never get a girlfriend?

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WantToHaveALife
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04 Sep 2014, 1:54 pm

Do the overwhelming, vast majority of guys with Asperger Syndrome never experience having a girlfriend? do they never get a girlfriend at all in their entire lives? or is it really possible for guys with Asperger Syndrome to get a girlfriend, to improve their social-skills and conversation-skills, flirting-skills in order to attract women? because I see a lot of threads or in forums not just on this site but across the Internet, from guys who say they have Asperger's, or just claim to have it, and there are a lot of guys that are well into their 20's and even 30's and yes I hear even 40's who are either still a virgin or never had a girlfriend before.

But i'm wondering if a lot of those guys with Asperger Syndrome are using it as a crutch, as an excuse, they use it as a way to bring them down and not believe it is possible for them to get a girlfriend, as to that is the main reason as to why they would still be single well into their 30's and even 40's and beyond, me personally i'm 26 and I still haven't had a girlfriend yet, it is very depressing for me, I don't want to feel it is hopeless.



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04 Sep 2014, 2:24 pm

Most don't die virgins (getting laid is much easier than getting a relationship), but a lot of people with AS (men in particular) go through life without ever having a long-term relationship.


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italstallianion
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04 Sep 2014, 2:37 pm

I'm 26 and I've been in a few "kinda, sorta, but not really's" in terms of relationships, but I know other Aspie guys that are in long term relationships or have dated in the past. It might be hopeless for me, but it's not necessarily hopeless for male Aspies in general.


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Kurgan
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04 Sep 2014, 2:39 pm

italstallianion wrote:
I'm 26 and I've been in a few "kinda, sorta, but not really's" in terms of relationships, but I know other Aspie guys that are in long term relationships or have dated in the past. It might be hopeless for me, but it's not necessarily hopeless for male Aspies in general.


It's not that uncommon (as in not sensational), but most aspie men (~80%) probably never have a serious relationship. Getting laid doesn't require social status, a large circle of friends, or anything like that (a single girl who's horny enough will sleep with you if she thinks you're attractive), which effectively turns it into "not that big of a deal".


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AlexanderDantes
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04 Sep 2014, 2:44 pm

Kurgan wrote:
italstallianion wrote:
I'm 26 and I've been in a few "kinda, sorta, but not really's" in terms of relationships, but I know other Aspie guys that are in long term relationships or have dated in the past. It might be hopeless for me, but it's not necessarily hopeless for male Aspies in general.


It's not that uncommon (as in not sensational), but most aspie men (~80%) probably never have a serious relationship. Getting laid doesn't require social status, a large circle of friends, or anything like that (a single girl who's horny enough will sleep with you if she thinks you're attractive), which effectively turns it into "not that big of a deal".


A taken one will also from my experience, more so if she finds you just attractive for a hook up and not long term material.



WantToHaveALife
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04 Sep 2014, 2:46 pm

obviously I feel Asperger's hurts men more than women in this area of life since men are still expected to be the initiators



kraftiekortie
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04 Sep 2014, 2:48 pm

There are many Aspergians/Auties who have relationships and get married.

Just look around WrongPlanet!



lostonearth35
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04 Sep 2014, 2:53 pm

I hate how society thinks guys are not real men until they have done it with a woman. I even read that some parents go so far as to hiring a hooker for their son to sleep with for their birthday. I guess things are a little easier for me because I'm female but only because of the myth that all women hate sex unless they're nymphomaniacs refuses to die.



WantToHaveALife
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04 Sep 2014, 2:59 pm

wonder if any expert on here has the facts behind this



1401b
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04 Sep 2014, 3:07 pm

Great, out of that entire sentence title the single letter N (in never) reverses the entire meaning of the question. LOL

No.

"The majority of guys with A.S. [do not] never get a girlfriend."


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Last edited by 1401b on 04 Sep 2014, 3:26 pm, edited 2 times in total.

tomato
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04 Sep 2014, 3:10 pm

That's because women are not attracted to God's chosen people. They're clearly only attracted to sinners.

Rejection is a blessing though, something very few people understand.



AlexanderDantes
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04 Sep 2014, 3:20 pm

Like Kurgan said, apply yourself by getting out there and the opportunity might arise but it's not going to arise if you sit at home playing League of Legends or reading Biochemistry books.



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04 Sep 2014, 3:36 pm

Considering the number of distraught NT women who post to non-WP boards about their incredibly insensitive and non-helping husbands' recent AS diagnoses, it seems to me that a fair number of AS guys must be not only dating but getting married. Whether or not most can sustain a marriage is another thing. It takes a lot more than flirting skills to make that happen.

Otoh, there's a lot more social-skills/social-awareness training for children with AS than there used to be, so maybe that picture will improve. One of the things that comes up repeatedly in the women's posts is the sense that the guy is just profoundly unaware of the deficits and the fact that these social issues exist. Also resistant to the ideas. I'd guess that will change.

My own experience dating a guy with AS (undiagnosed) says yeah, it's a challenge, even when (like me) the woman is mildly aspergic herself. If a guy is already feeling beat up by the world and sensitive to criticism, but genuinely is not managing to notice social things happening, people's expectations, and key things in how the world works, you're walking into a war zone. You can try to compensate or help point out where he's going off the rails, but you're likely to be accused of being just like everyone else, saying he's no good, etc. Or you can watch him drive straight at walls and get smashed up, socially. It's a bigger problem when he insists on taking you with him and then gets upset when you won't go. Again, maybe childhood therapies for ASD will help with some of that in future.



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04 Sep 2014, 3:43 pm

AlexanderDantes wrote:
Like Kurgan said, apply yourself by getting out there and the opportunity might arise but it's not going to arise if you sit at home playing League of Legends or reading Biochemistry books.


I agree, but the question then is where to go or what to do as someone with autism?

I go outside and apply myself by running and photography, but a lot of activities don't really get you into contact with other people. Let alone people who are looking for a partner as well. I hear some of my family members say "if you don't look for it you'll run into your dream partner eventually" but that's not really realistic. Especially with autism you're likely setting yourself up for disaster if you expect to 'just' meet someone, you have to work at it bit by bit.

I have tried hitting a bar but it did not attract me one bit. Loud music, way too busy, can't hear what anyone says and doesn't exactly have the kind of people I'm attracted to. I'm not looking for casual sex or a partner that has an outgoing lifestyle, I'm looking for a partner that I can be comfortable around and cuddle up with watching a movie. Internet dating might be an option but I do not really feel comfortable with that. All the options that seem to remain is just hope you might meet your soul mate along the road, which is especially difficult for someone who is pretty much invisible to most people.



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04 Sep 2014, 3:48 pm

tarantella64 wrote:
Considering the number of distraught NT women who post to non-WP boards about their incredibly insensitive and non-helping husbands' recent AS diagnoses,


You always carefully choose words to paint an ugly picture of AS guys here.

Thing is, for most NT women who join and come complain here, their husbands usually aren't clinically diagnosed but they're diagnosed by them (the wives), they read some articles on the internet and they are like "Aha! my husband is AS! That's why!". I've even suggested once to Alex to add a diagnosis option in profile called "Wife-diagnosed" :lol:, like the self-diagnosed.

And most of the issues they complain about and suffer from aren't even AS-related, but they complain about things like abuse, alcoholism, laziness ...etc; things that exist in many bad husbands in the general population.