Why are so many on here married or have boy/girl friends?

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NiceCupOfTea
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11 Sep 2014, 4:58 pm

Can't be bothered lying, so I'm gonna admit I'm 39 and have never been in a romantic or sexual relationship. I'm also female, but I don't think I've seen a single female on this site who doesn't have a boyfriend or husband. (Apologies if there are a few and I've missed you.)

How do you have the social abilities to attract a long-term mate? Genuinely curious, 'cos I was always desperately shy around the opposite sex. Still am. Never known what to say, never been able to flirt, and - pretty obviously, really - have never been able to attract anyone enough to want to be my partner.

God, my life couldn't be any more tragic and sad if I tried. Utterly pathetic. I fail even at being Asperger's, or whatever.



babybird
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11 Sep 2014, 5:07 pm

I've often wondered the same thing myself.


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lostonearth35
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11 Sep 2014, 5:12 pm

Pleased to meet you, I'm single I've always been and couldn't care less about not having a boyfriend. They are not worth it, 90% of them are more like boyenemies who want women to be nothing but their maids and cooks and hookers, I'm not some animal on Noah's Ark who needs a mate or else I'll drown, and I'm probably asexual anyway so whatever.



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11 Sep 2014, 5:22 pm

NiceCupOfTea wrote:
Can't be bothered lying, so I'm gonna admit I'm 39 and have never been in a romantic or sexual relationship. I'm also female, but I don't think I've seen a single female on this site who doesn't have a boyfriend or husband. (Apologies if there are a few and I've missed you.)

How do you have the social abilities to attract a long-term mate? Genuinely curious, 'cos I was always desperately shy around the opposite sex. Still am. Never known what to say, never been able to flirt, and - pretty obviously, really - have never been able to attract anyone enough to want to be my partner.

God, my life couldn't be any more tragic and sad if I tried. Utterly pathetic. I fail even at being Asperger's, or whatever.


I more surprise that some of these popular ladies here on WP are
able to socialize so much.How do they meet so many guys?
How? how do they blend in so well.



btbnnyr
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11 Sep 2014, 5:23 pm

I can't stand being around someone enough to have a romantic relationship with them.
They require too much attention that I can't provide.


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sharkattack
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11 Sep 2014, 5:28 pm

NiceCupOfTea wrote:
Can't be bothered lying, so I'm gonna admit I'm 39 and have never been in a romantic or sexual relationship. I'm also female, but I don't think I've seen a single female on this site who doesn't have a boyfriend or husband. (Apologies if there are a few and I've missed you.)

How do you have the social abilities to attract a long-term mate? Genuinely curious, 'cos I was always desperately shy around the opposite sex. Still am. Never known what to say, never been able to flirt, and - pretty obviously, really - have never been able to attract anyone enough to want to be my partner.

God, my life couldn't be any more tragic and sad if I tried. Utterly pathetic. I fail even at being Asperger's, or whatever.


40 male never had any kind of relationship.

I can only assume we males are more honest about this kind of thing.

I would guess there are plenty of females in your position but you have the honesty to admit it.



Sweetleaf
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11 Sep 2014, 5:33 pm

I don't have a boyfriend or husband....I met a guy rather recently and we have gotten together a few times but he's not my boyfriend and actually have not heard from him since I last tried to get in touch so not sure what is up with that, but even if I do hear from him again don't know we'd ever end up in an intimate relationship.

I can't reallly flirt...and well have not attracted a long term mate of any kind, think the longest I have dated anyone is like a few months before varying factors cause it not to work out. I've never really had like a really bad break up just sort of went opposite ways...a couple guys I dated I did really like and wanted to be more long term but both of them didn't want to 'drag me down' with them or thought I could find better or something....both failed to realize they couldn't drag me down when my life is already there in a lot of ways and also that i did not have a bunch of oppurtunities or something for some great life that they would have 'interfered' with. Another guy I dated I realized was just using me for the sexual bits of the relationship and didn't really care much about me as a person so just kinda stopped talking to them after a time.



Waterfalls
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11 Sep 2014, 5:44 pm

What I've read is that a lot of the activity of dating is organized by men making it easier for women on the spectrum to be dating as only have to go along, not initiate.

I assumed for a lot of people as for me they had help, someone set up the couple and the initial meeting. Historically there was a lot of help with this from family and friends, though.



LokiofSassgard
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11 Sep 2014, 5:51 pm

I'm asexual, so I've never had interest in having sex with someone I'm involved with. I don't think I ever will be because the idea of it makes me extremely nervous. I am involved with someone though, and he's very sweet too. He knows about my special needs, and he's very supportive of them as well. He's also a bit on the OCD side, but it's not severe OCD though. Anyway, it makes it a little easier for us to relate to each other. If it wasn't for meeting him, I don't know what I would have done or where I would have ended up either.

I met my boyfriend all on my own. No one helped me find him, befriend him and eventually become romantically-involved with him either. We just realized we were meant for each other. This is the second time we've dated, but things have been very positive for us so far though. No problems with fighting or anything. I do know what love means, how to be in love and what to expect with love. It's something I've learned over the years from watching others and having people tell me their experiences.

It's also an online relationship. My mom has spoke with him on the phone before, and I know he's a real person. I can usually sense when someone is a true person or not who they say they are. Online relationships have always been easier for me because I can react to the person on a more emotional sense rather than being bombarded with the idea of having a relationship. It is hard for me to engage in kissing and cuddling because it makes me uncomfortable, but if I can connect with a person online though, like my current bf, it might make it a little easier for me to get to know him more in real life as well.


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KingdomOfRats
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11 Sep 2014, 5:59 pm

NiceCupOfTea wrote:
Can't be bothered lying, so I'm gonna admit I'm 39 and have never been in a romantic or sexual relationship. I'm also female, but I don't think I've seen a single female on this site who doesn't have a boyfriend or husband. (Apologies if there are a few and I've missed you.)

How do you have the social abilities to attract a long-term mate? Genuinely curious, 'cos I was always desperately shy around the opposite sex. Still am. Never known what to say, never been able to flirt, and - pretty obviously, really - have never been able to attract anyone enough to want to be my partner.

God, my life couldn't be any more tragic and sad if I tried. Utterly pathetic. I fail even at being Asperger's, or whatever.

its impossible to know how many are actualy females on here as most females users use non gender specific names and can appear male like because of their autism.
although am elsewhere on the spectrum,am biologicaly female to and have never had the slightest hint of sexuality,have got no connection to humans and see them in a very different way to aspies/non autistics.

theres nothing wrong with being adult and never having had a boyfriend/girlfriend- it doesnt matter what other people think,feck them,its better to slowly find the right person who is willing to accept any differences than to quickly find someone judgemental who are unable to relate to isnt it?
perhaps try looking for a fellow spectrumer or someone who has a different disability, disabled people tend to be the more open minded people of society.


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11 Sep 2014, 6:01 pm

Although I too notice some women speaking of current and happy marriages or relationships, perhaps you are noticing those posts but overlooking the many posts where other women speak of managing to date over the years, yes, and perhaps even managing to marry -- but they also mention that none of those involvements ended in anything but disaster -- which is very, very typical of many Aspie attempts at relationships.

I don't like the tone of your post, OP, because you're assuming a lot, and sound even a slight bit cynical of anyone who manages to meet anybody even with lacking social skills. Don't forget that even awkward social skills can be misinterpreted as cute or "mysteriously reserved" in a woman, by a guy who thinks he's interested anyway. Doesn't always mean things work out well at all.....


I was about to practically post my history -- history of disaster -- to explain the hows and the whys and the terrible outcomes, but it's way too personal, I realized. Just know that I have one terribly sad marriage in my past with a man who showed zero compassion for my trials -- including when both my parents died -- and don't be so sure you're missing out on anything. There's nothing wrong in never having had a relationship. You've avoided a world of pain and heartache.

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11 Sep 2014, 6:09 pm

lostonearth35 wrote:
Pleased to meet you, I'm single I've always been and couldn't care less about not having a boyfriend. They are not worth it, 90% of them are more like boyenemies who want women to be nothing but their maids and cooks and hookers, I'm not some animal on Noah's Ark who needs a mate or else I'll drown, and I'm probably asexual anyway so whatever.


I concur. I've never been on a real date or had a real relationship, never mind having sex with anybody. To my awareness, no one has ever even flirted with me, and frankly I'm glad of that; relationships are way too much pressure and, in my experience watching family members and friends, doomed to failure the majority of the time.


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11 Sep 2014, 6:16 pm

See OP you have opened the floodgates loads of women here just like you.

Before I discovered Aspergers Autism spectrum I thought I was the only person in the world like this.

I have finally accepted it some people can not do relationships.



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11 Sep 2014, 6:40 pm

I don't get it either, I've tried having a relationship and failed miserably at it for some reason (wasn't on my end, was nothing but nice)



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11 Sep 2014, 7:26 pm

babybird wrote:
I've often wondered the same thing myself.
Didn't you say you have a child, babybird? You must have managed to attract someone.



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11 Sep 2014, 8:22 pm

I had a child, but I was never married. I didn't know how to have a proper relationship.
I didn't know how to form that kind of a bond with someone.
My brothers married and had normal adult lives. I don't think my family ever even expected me to get married.
I never had a real relationship or real friends.
Most of my life I didn't even realize how in my own world and socially isolated I was.