Last night I just lost it and had a lovely meltdown. I recently found an ex who was "lost" for 7 years.She was the only person to ever understand me or at least try but she was very reckless and I had my own problems back then. We seem to be hitting it off really well again. The problem is that I can't seem to bring myself to like anyone anymore. I thought I liked someone that I met a couple years ago. It was one of those people who seemed to understand on a deeper level than most. We could communicate on a massive level and the interesting stories just never seemed to end. But then it did when I met in person she blew me off and was rather rude. Why I kept talking to her, I don't know but she has lingered around. We talk lately and it is like 3 or 4 words at a time. Last night a friend was surfing through a dating site and this girl's info came up. I got curious and looked at a forum where she was talking about meeting someone. Then I just got up, started kicking stuff and swearing. I just wondered who else was falling into the "trap" to get led on and then screwed over. I jumped on the msn and told her off for the last time, then deleted the contact. Then I started bombing the rest of the list for more failed relationship experiments. There's just so many of them and I have no idea why I even bothered to keep in contact. I just sent them all some choice words and deleted them. My friends were laughing their asses off as I was ranting on and on. Then we watched a movie and I still wouldn't shut up so they gave me a laptop and a room! hahaha. Eventually I grabbed a beer and shut up. It just feels great to realize that I have wasted so much time on lost causes. I'm just happy to have great friends. I have ignored them so much, putting so much time into these dead end quests.
04 Mar 2007, 10:31 am
