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Ectryon
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20 Sep 2014, 2:45 pm

Im totally burnt out by socialising this summer holiday. Its been near constant and I havent ever started uni yet :o Does it get easier with age and experience?


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20 Sep 2014, 3:05 pm

Depends on the person, I assume. For me, it got worse with age. The change in social demands that comes at different points in life could also either make it better or worse.



Ectryon
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20 Sep 2014, 3:09 pm

What is it about sociat makes it so damned exhausting? ^


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starkid
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20 Sep 2014, 3:13 pm

Ectryon wrote:
What is it about sociat makes it so damned exhausting? ^

For me, it is having to be outside myself, constantly aware of what's going on around me, because my natural way of being is inside my own mind.



Ectryon
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20 Sep 2014, 3:30 pm

starkid wrote:
Ectryon wrote:
What is it about sociat makes it so damned exhausting? ^

For me, it is having to be outside myself, constantly aware of what's going on around me, because my natural way of being is inside my own mind.


That reminds me of the definition of the adjective autistic. I dont know if I agree with it but ive seen music reviewers and authors describe people and art as autistic if they are very inward looking and self referential. It makes alot of sense thanks Starkid. Its not something we can do anything about. I find that what you described is the best part about being on the spectrum.


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20 Sep 2014, 10:39 pm

Once you get set in some sort of adult life the social situations become more structured, more predictable, and less stressful. If you meet co-workers then you talk about work. If you meet get married and have a family then you frequently end up meeting other parents and you talk about schools and parenting. There are far fewer situations where you are spontaneously meeting people and anything is possible, but you don't have any idea what to do.

Also when you are school, everybody knows that everybody else has a lot of free time so people will often ask what your plans are or try to get you involved in their plans or make you feel weird for not being involved. As an adult, everybody assumes that everybody else is busy with whatever their personal situation is. That's why there are other forum topics about the difficulty of making friends as an adult. There was even a New York Times article about it yesterday (Link) So it's definitely easier to avoid socializing as an adult.



ZenDen
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22 Sep 2014, 11:22 am

Ectryon wrote:
What is it about sociat makes it so damned exhausting? ^


Maybe take a look at this? http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles ... -introvert

I read this article in a doctor's waiting room and got a copy and read and thought about it for a week or two.

I gave it to my wife (then, of 50 years) and asked her to read it, which she did. Her first comment: "That's you!"

I hope you like it as much as we did.



ASPartOfMe
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22 Sep 2014, 4:44 pm

I am Aspie-Autistic, introverted and shy.

I went to Nancy Ancowitz's class before I knew I was on the spectrum and just thought my "problem" was introversion. Helpful.
Interesting they talk about sensory overload. While not every introvert is autistic you need to add misreading body language (you of them and them of you) and special interests repetitive routine etc. I still think there are a lot Adult self identified introverts that are are actually undiagnosed ASD


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Lukecash12
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22 Sep 2014, 5:10 pm

Ectryon wrote:
starkid wrote:
Ectryon wrote:
What is it about sociat makes it so damned exhausting? ^

For me, it is having to be outside myself, constantly aware of what's going on around me, because my natural way of being is inside my own mind.


That reminds me of the definition of the adjective autistic. I dont know if I agree with it but ive seen music reviewers and authors describe people and art as autistic if they are very inward looking and self referential. It makes alot of sense thanks Starkid. Its not something we can do anything about. I find that what you described is the best part about being on the spectrum.


Hmmmm... I can see that quality in a lot of autistic people but it doesn't feel like a very fair stereotype. We can be plenty interested in other people, in spite of it being disconcerting trying to understand them. This is I think why it's exhausting for pretty much everyone on the spectrum, we simply have to expend a lot more effort. I personally find it satisfying depending on the person(s), but it can be very tiring for me at the same time.

I guess I've been blessed when it comes to this, though. My brother is autistic as well, and not only that but our particular symptoms are similar. He's a lot better than me with numbers and statistics, though, he's a different kind of savant altogether, but aside from that our symptoms like sensory issues are about the same. Also, we have the same group of friends, and even now that we're all 45+ we still go fishing together regularly and the other fellas are well used to us two.


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ZenDen
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23 Sep 2014, 11:55 am

After I figured out I was a big time introvert I thought I'd figured out my life's mysteries. HAHAHAHAHAHA, was I wrong.

After studying my introversion (and other's published cases) I noticed introversion didn't seem to prevent people from having friends or other social abilities, as long as it was under their own terms/conditions. This didn't match me at all.

The above lead to further study and discovery of Asperger and ,after testing, it all fit.

What a relief to finally have an answer.



Ectryon
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23 Sep 2014, 12:29 pm

Im reading through the article now ZenDen and it is very powerful. I really think it might be worth putting it up for discussion somewhere because I think that most of us here can really really relate to this idea of the aocial world being overstimulating. Being at a party or in a group setting is extremely overstimulating. As Starkid said is forces us to step outside our inner world and suddenly we have to figure out how to be normal :?: and what the situation demands of us! Fish out of water is a good analogy I suppose. We're placed in an environment we're ill equipped to deal with.


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24 Sep 2014, 2:04 pm

Ectryon wrote:
What is it about sociat makes it so damned exhausting? ^


I takes so much energy to focus on the conversation and translate what they are talking about. I have to pick and choose my words carefully specific and vague at the same time. It is as though they are speaking a foreign language, I am constantly hiding the fact I have no idea what they are saying.

Most of the time I would much rather not participate in any social gatherings. The lock on my office door is my friend.


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ZenDen
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25 Sep 2014, 1:57 pm

Ectryon wrote:
Im reading through the article now ZenDen and it is very powerful. I really think it might be worth putting it up for discussion somewhere because I think that most of us here can really really relate to this idea of the aocial world being overstimulating. Being at a party or in a group setting is extremely overstimulating. As Starkid said is forces us to step outside our inner world and suddenly we have to figure out how to be normal :?: and what the situation demands of us! Fish out of water is a good analogy I suppose. We're placed in an environment we're ill equipped to deal with.


" I really think it might be worth putting it up for discussion somewhere..........."

Good thought, thanks. :D I put it in General Autism Discussion.



ASPartOfMe
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26 Sep 2014, 12:59 am

Ectryon wrote:
What is it about sociat makes it so damned exhausting? ^


Combination of sensory overload, poor executive functioning, differing understanding and expression of body language.


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27 Sep 2014, 7:09 am

Ectryon wrote:
What is it about sociat makes it so damned exhausting? ^


If I had to hazard a guess it's because so much of our energies are caught up in anxiety and making certain we are doing or saying the right things and not doing or saying the wrong ones. Very understandable!



izzeme
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08 Oct 2014, 7:42 am

Ectryon wrote:
What is it about sociat makes it so damned exhausting? ^


the combination of sensory overloads and faking NT behaviour is the biggest drains.

it will get easier though, you can train yourself to 'fake' better (well, less really), so it takes less energy.
also: once you get comfortable with certain people (your roommates, steady study mates, club...), you will start simply dropping the mask alltogether, with matching drops in energy drains.

the best thing to do, imo, is to disclose your aspergers to those you are around a lot, you can then be yourself without fear of being left out, so you dont need the energy expendiature anymore