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Sweetleaf
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25 Sep 2014, 7:30 pm

nevermind no one cares anyways, I am just stupid with a stupid life and stupid problems that suck so whatever idk. didn't feel like leaving up a post with 1-0 views to feel more pathetic about no one caring at all so yeah. Sorry for wasting anyones time.


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Sweetleaf
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26 Sep 2014, 5:07 am

responding to myself, probably will kill myself at some point here, just waiting for the right time I guess, but life sucks, humanity sucks there is nothing left so screw it all, i don't even know anymore.....but I do know I am frustrated and kind of angry.


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Amity
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26 Sep 2014, 5:13 am

Hi Sweetleaf, Im not up for much at the moment, I agree with you on the 'everything sucks' though.



Sweetleaf
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26 Sep 2014, 5:18 am

thank you, its just bs, I mean it dosent even matter what I am mad about, its that I am angry, afraid and all this crap all the time and it sucks. My dads in jail now my moms a narcissist and f*** i don't know what to do with my life currently on ssi income though,


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Amity
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26 Sep 2014, 5:56 am

Yeah, always battling something and then all the regular life stuff too, its sorta exhausting...
I dunno what to do with my life either. Im beginning to suspect that Im on a metaphorical merry go round named 'you make plans and life happens'



Sweetleaf
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26 Sep 2014, 6:59 am

Amity wrote:
Yeah, always battling something and then all the regular life stuff too, its sorta exhausting...
I dunno what to do with my life either. Im beginning to suspect that Im on a metaphorical merry go round named 'you make plans and life happens'


earlier I was arguing with my brother, we both had a rough day but kinda moody over it.....and our friend pointed out we had had a rough day and should just mellow out and quit fighting so we did and its been alright since. now just kinda stressed about what to do with the dogs I pay rent at my moms so I don't think she could complain too much for me taking care of dogs but I dont know otherwise I gotta find someone to take them in untill my dad gets out.


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Amity
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26 Sep 2014, 7:54 am

Ok, i see now, I didnt read the original post, but I reckoned it must of been significant.
That definately sucks about your dad, it is awful that you are going through all of this. Given the circumstances, if your mum likes dogs she could accomodate them on a temporary basis, giving you time to process this without having to worry immediately about rehoming them.



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26 Sep 2014, 8:17 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
I mean it dosent even matter what I am mad about, its that I am angry, afraid and all this crap all the time and it sucks.


I'm afraid all the time. My doc says it's general anxiety disorder. I'm sorry your Dad's in jail. How many dogs does he have that you are taking care of?



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26 Sep 2014, 10:01 am

That's rough that your dad is in jail.

And not just because you have to feed his dogs.

I get the impression that he was a positive emotional influence in your life, and an antedote to the stress of living with your mom.

Don't know what to say, but to just hang in there until his legal situation settles out, and you all can figure out what the next step is.



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26 Sep 2014, 12:12 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
nevermind no one cares anyways, I am just stupid with a stupid life and stupid problems that suck so whatever idk. didn't feel like leaving up a post with 1-0 views to feel more pathetic about no one caring at all so yeah. Sorry for wasting anyones time.


Nobody ever responds to my posts either. Yet some posters will post and they get tons of replies. Go figure. :cry: :roll:



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26 Sep 2014, 12:45 pm

I saw your post the other night. Sorry to hear about your dad, I'm not sure what his deal is but where I grew up we didn't think too highly of snitches regardless. If I knew who ratted me out it would be hard to resist retaliating in some futile little way just for your own piece of mind, I get it. I don't recommend it obviously but it is what it is.

Life really does seem like a Sisyphean task, you're battling one struggle in life only to spring a leak somewhere else and end up feeling worse than before. Something always goes wrong, something is always fowl, some s**t sandwich is always being prepared to be served up to you. It sucks, I don't know how to deal with it much better than you do. Just keep grinding, keep putting up with these little bullshits, distract yourself and find happiness in whatever little thing you can to get by. I know for myself big change is needed which is stressful and scary but at the same time I realize I don't have much to lose really and you might as well go down swinging. What other options do you really have?



Sweetleaf
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26 Sep 2014, 2:37 pm

Amity wrote:
Ok, i see now, I didnt read the original post, but I reckoned it must of been significant.
That definately sucks about your dad, it is awful that you are going through all of this. Given the circumstances, if your mum likes dogs she could accomodate them on a temporary basis, giving you time to process this without having to worry immediately about rehoming them.


She doesnt really like dogs too much but wouldn't want two animals abandoned and I am paying her rent so if I can't find anyone I can probably keep them a while. Though me and my brother realized the cops didn't read our dad his rights when the arrested him which by law they have to, so next time I can get ahold of him Ill let him know in case it didn't occur to him because that might help with things. But yeah it was just bad timing he thought he might have had a warrent and well we where in the park drinking beers not getting like drunk but just like hanging out minding our own buisiness, its a 'free country' and you can't even enjoy some brews outside in the park without risk of someone calling the cops. But if it was just that they wouldn't have arrested anyone but once they got his name they found he had a warrant...other then that I guess they where going to maybe ticket but didn't do that.


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Sweetleaf
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26 Sep 2014, 2:41 pm

androbot01 wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
I mean it dosent even matter what I am mad about, its that I am angry, afraid and all this crap all the time and it sucks.


I'm afraid all the time. My doc says it's general anxiety disorder. I'm sorry your Dad's in jail. How many dogs does he have that you are taking care of?


two small dogs...and I have general anxiety as well as PTSD so yeah I really hate it, I have valium prescribed for it but that in itself isn't exactly effective but certainly dont want to ask for a higher dosage or having it prescribed to take it more than once a day if needed since I don't want them to get suspicious and just revoke the prescription its difficult to even get a prescription for that....so instead I end up compensating other ways.


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Sweetleaf
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26 Sep 2014, 5:00 pm

Jacoby wrote:
I saw your post the other night. Sorry to hear about your dad, I'm not sure what his deal is but where I grew up we didn't think too highly of snitches regardless. If I knew who ratted me out it would be hard to resist retaliating in some futile little way just for your own piece of mind, I get it. I don't recommend it obviously but it is what it is.

Life really does seem like a Sisyphean task, you're battling one struggle in life only to spring a leak somewhere else and end up feeling worse than before. Something always goes wrong, something is always fowl, some s**t sandwich is always being prepared to be served up to you. It sucks, I don't know how to deal with it much better than you do. Just keep grinding, keep putting up with these little bullshits, distract yourself and find happiness in whatever little thing you can to get by. I know for myself big change is needed which is stressful and scary but at the same time I realize I don't have much to lose really and you might as well go down swinging. What other options do you really have?


Pretty much, I am planning on a couple concerts in october so holding out for those, and well with the dogs gotta figure something out so yeah just gotta see what happens I guess. But yeah I don't see life getting amazing anytime soon. But yeah I've already been thinking of suicide like every day but trying to hold out as best I can. lol this morning I had a beer when I woke up because of a hangover and sometimes sipping a beer after waking up with a hangover helps.


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26 Sep 2014, 5:18 pm

Are you smoking alot of pot/drinking alcohol? I know from living with people who smoke alot that it can make them incredibly depressed. It often creeps up on you so you dont realise it and because pot provides temporary relief it becomes a reinforcing agent providing comfort and solace while actually creating anxiety and depression. Drinking is the same. In fact most drugs seem to do this.

I hope it doesnt sound as if im giving you a drugs lecture :?


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Sweetleaf
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26 Sep 2014, 5:28 pm

Ectryon wrote:
Are you smoking alot of pot/drinking alcohol? I know from living with people who smoke alot that it can make them incredibly depressed. It often creeps up on you so you dont realise it and because pot provides temporary relief it becomes a reinforcing agent providing comfort and solace while actually creating anxiety and depression. Drinking is the same. In fact most drugs seem to do this.

I hope it doesnt sound as if im giving you a drugs lecture :?


Not so much the alcohol, I did drink quite a bit last night but its not really something I do very often anymore, I used to drink way to much on a regular basis. As for the cannabis it helps relieve a lot of the anxiety and depressed feelings even though temporary like if I feel like acting on suicidal thoughts I might smoke instead and then I can find healthier less damaging ways to deal with what I am feeling(and its cheaper than the ER and psych ward) if it can relieve that for a time. But yeah I try the psych med route but nothing they give me really helps and ive gone to therapy which hasn't done anything really aside from stress me out. So i need relief somehow and I'd rather not abuse opiates which is the only other thing I have tried that provides as effective relief as cannabis....and I certainly don't want to start down that road I feel cannabis is certainly safer.


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