I wonder what cause that some NTs are willing todate not NT

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pawelk1986
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29 Sep 2014, 12:34 pm

I wonder what cause that normal girls/ or guys are willing ta start relationship with quirks/weirdos like Aspies/ADHDs

What cause that girl/woman fall in love for someone who have obsessive special interest, or doing like we aspies, or do dangerous and irresponsible thing (action sport and so on ) like ADHDs?


BTW my mom said that i probably inherited Asperger after my dad, but when my mom married my dad nobody hear about Asperger, because he was obsessed about Chess, dad regularly subscribed chess magazines, and bought lot books about chess, but He was probably had some ADHD too, as me mom said, because he was short tempered but he never hurt my or mom, He was very good dad, but he was very bad about loosing especially in his beloved Chess :D


As for ADHD when i was young the doctors diagnosed my ADHD because i was really destructive, like when i was 7 years old, and desperately trying to pull emergency handle in train, to check how it works :D But when i was 13 doctor diagnosed that i'm not ADHD but Asperger?

I wonder how many aspies was misdiagnosed?

But returning to subject i wonder why some girls (i talking from male perspective because i'm guy but easily can reverse situation) and falls in love with
guys like us nonNT absent minded Aspies or wild tampered ADHD guys.

I like watch sometime extreme sport and circus performance, i once when i watched randomly YouTube i came across video with young kid who performed relay hard trick on skateboard( i never tried skateboarding because of me weak kneecap) i also like watching snowboarding too, i feel that some of this guys are really BADASS and had something with their head,
For example the boy about what talking, take look :D
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbjzZHuGTng[/youtube]
(He totally look like ADHD :D he is very lucky that God give him such good health or something when i was young i mostly spent time in hospitals:( because I was a very sickly child, it is true now when I became an adult my health has improved but still leaves much to be desired)

Sometimes i envy those skaters both kids and adults, that they can do all this cool stuff :D , but i'm to old (28 years) and have problem with kneecap, i got this injury 5 years ago.



BuyerBeware
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29 Sep 2014, 1:33 pm

I don't know why. My husband says he enjoys the fresh perspective and appreciates the fact that I don't play some of the stupid social games that "normal" women play.

But, honestly, I really don't know why. I hate me. I have a very hard time understanding the idea that someone who was not in desperate need of someone, anyone, to give a crap whether they live or die could actually like me (as distinct from pretending to like me or treating me kindly in order to get something out of me).


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Stoek
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29 Sep 2014, 2:55 pm

Honestly nt guys care very little of whether or not a girl is autistic. It comes down to being more about appearance.


On the other extreme autistic men are pretty much dependent on money or talent to get a girl.

I wouldn't say it's entirely that bad, but in either case. But make no mistake attraction is entirely superficial.

But what I'm saying is sacrilege because it relates mostly to actual scientific evidence.



carpenter_bee
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29 Sep 2014, 3:13 pm

Stoek wrote:
Honestly nt guys care very little of whether or not a girl is autistic. It comes down to being more about appearance.


On the other extreme autistic men are pretty much dependent on money or talent to get a girl.


I would agree with this, in the broadest sense... when I was a teen & young adult, both NT and other guys tended to like me because I had nice boobs. That was usually enough to spark interest. Then they'd decide whether or not they actually liked my personality. Whereas my brother had a heck of a time attracting girls in a romantic way. I always knew there would be someone for him, but he had to be patient to find her. She is probably NT, but very nerdy. She is annoyed by many of his AS traits, but she has just as many of her own annoying traits so they are able to put up with each other and enjoy the good stuff. In my brother's case, he's not bad-looking, he's very very smart, and he's enormously funny if you like a certain type of humor. Plenty of girls like that combination so it comes down more to whether the annoying stuff would be a deal-breaker.



mila_oblong
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29 Sep 2014, 9:14 pm

carpenter_bee wrote:
Stoek wrote:
Honestly nt guys care very little of whether or not a girl is autistic. It comes down to being more about appearance.


On the other extreme autistic men are pretty much dependent on money or talent to get a girl.


I would agree with this, in the broadest sense... when I was a teen & young adult, both NT and other guys tended to like me because I had nice boobs. That was usually enough to spark interest. Then they'd decide whether or not they actually liked my personality.


It was the the same thing with me when I was a teen & young adult, both NT and other guys actually liked me because of my boobs and my ass.



eggheadjr
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30 Sep 2014, 11:19 am

I'd have to ask my wife - still not sure why she picked me out of the crowd. We've been married 23 years now.


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League_Girl
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30 Sep 2014, 1:01 pm

I know it was because of my boobs or my looks that made guys like me and my honesty and saying what is on my mind. I was better online at getting guys than in real life. I met both my ex boyfriends online and it wasn't over appearance.


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olympiadis
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30 Sep 2014, 8:32 pm

A special interest like chess is a better alternative than blowing all the family's money at the strip clubs, or on hookers & blow.



TheSperg
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30 Sep 2014, 11:12 pm

Stoek wrote:
Honestly nt guys care very little of whether or not a girl is autistic. It comes down to being more about appearance.


On the other extreme autistic men are pretty much dependent on money or talent to get a girl.

I wouldn't say it's entirely that bad, but in either case. But make no mistake attraction is entirely superficial.

But what I'm saying is sacrilege because it relates mostly to actual scientific evidence.


If my wife married me for money she did a pretty sh***y job picking a husband!

But ok she did say once I seemed smart(she said I should become a professor since I'm always lecturing people on stuff they aren't interested in before I ever thought of autism!)



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30 Sep 2014, 11:22 pm

I asked my husband. I'll let you know when he replies.

I assume my father has Aspergers. I know why my mother started dating him. She told me that she was always drawn to smart men. She lived near Stanford university, so she decided to date only men who went there. I do not know why she was (and is) drawn to what she deems as "smart people". She has said many times that she doesn't usually enter intellectually-heavy conversations, but she enjoys hearing them. (I would imagine that they stretch her and that is what she wants to repeat.)


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So you know who just said that:
I am female, I am married
I have two children (one AS and one NT)
I have been diagnosed with Aspergers and MERLD
I have significant chronic medical conditions as well


RocketMom
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30 Sep 2014, 11:25 pm

My husband said he appreciated that I didn't try to play games like some women do. I don't understand the point of playing games if you know you want someone. He also appreciated that my home-body nature balanced his social butterfly-ness. And he is a massive nerd and so am I, though in different areas.

I think that in many relationships the AS quirks balance out the NT person in some ways, like two sides to a coin. :) But that is true in almost all relationships in my experience - if everyone married someone just like themselves there would be no surprises in life, no excitement.



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30 Sep 2014, 11:27 pm

I got a reply and here it is:

"Because you are awesome!!

I don't know. I like who you are as a person. Everything else going on isn't you. It's on the surface. It's not at the core. "


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So you know who just said that:
I am female, I am married
I have two children (one AS and one NT)
I have been diagnosed with Aspergers and MERLD
I have significant chronic medical conditions as well


pawelk1986
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01 Oct 2014, 7:23 am

screen_name wrote:
I got a reply and here it is:

"Because you are awesome!!

I don't know. I like who you are as a person. Everything else going on isn't you. It's on the surface. It's not at the core. "



I wonder Can you identify with the naked eye that someone has Asperger's or ADHD , bassed only on Appearance?



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01 Oct 2014, 7:47 am

pawelk1986 wrote:
screen_name wrote:
I got a reply and here it is:

"Because you are awesome!!

I don't know. I like who you are as a person. Everything else going on isn't you. It's on the surface. It's not at the core. "



I wonder Can you identify with the naked eye that someone has Asperger's or ADHD , bassed only on Appearance?


Not appearance, but sometimes mannerisms can give others a good guess, depending on how profoundly the person is affected.

I think my speech and movements to manage sensory processing give me away as "different", but the deciding I have autism decides more on the other person's knowledge of that designation.


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So you know who just said that:
I am female, I am married
I have two children (one AS and one NT)
I have been diagnosed with Aspergers and MERLD
I have significant chronic medical conditions as well