to aspies: is your mother narcissistic?

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I have been wondering if people with Asperger's often have narcissistic mothers. Do you? Please only vote if you have or think you have Asperger's.

No, absolutely not. My mother is as far from narcissistic as can be.

My mother is a very extroverted 'drama queen'. It's a yes from me.

Not narcissism but she has Borderline Personality Disorder

No, but she had an extremely vicious temper, and she had a hairpin trigger on her temper.

My father was a narcissist. He could have been the poster boy for NPD.

I have been wondering if my asperger or whatever it is I have was caused by an unloving, self-obsessed mother. I read somewhere that people who have low ability to "mentalize", which I might have and all of us on here, might be caused by the primary caregiver not having responded adequately to emotions during one's first years. I always thought it's strange with my mother though, how she has a face outward of being so damn gentle and caring and whatnot, yet she was very fragile and weak in the relationship to her children. I think it might be a sign of the times though, it appears to me to be an inevitable outcome of evolution and we see a lot of it in the West. That's why the West is collapsing.

My mother is bipolar, not narcisstic.

I voted yes because my mother has a grandiose sense of her own accomplishments, an inability to convey empathy in most situations, (especially toward me and problems I have had), is quite dramatic when stressed, and has an idea that she is superior to others. She also seems to enjoy being mean at times. But, she is not interpersonally controlling and does not always need someone around for Narcissistic Supply. She also has many signs of being AS.

However, she was a fairly good mom when we were small (up until puberty). She would take our side in conflicts when injustice was being done to us, did special things with each of us, provided for us. Maybe her AS mitigated some of the worst traits of narcissism.

On a related topic: It seems like Aspies who get into relationships often wind up with a narcissistic person. Looking back through people I have been involved with, this was certainly the case for me. It seems like narcissists would be attracted to us because we are easy to manipulate and lie to, often have low self-esteem, and are loyal. It is easy for them to feel superior to us.

My mother is not remotely narcissistic. She seems to be autistic (undiagnosed).

My dad on the other hand has some narcissistic tendencies. But I don't think he has full blown, pathological narcissism.

quote:

On a related topic: It seems like Aspies who get into relationships often wind up with a narcissistic person. Looking back through people I have been involved with, this was certainly the case for me. It seems like narcissists would be attracted to us because we are easy to manipulate and lie to, often have low self-esteem, and are loyal. It is easy for them to feel superior to us.[/quote]

I think you are really on to something of extreme importance. I've seen this again and again, and experienced it. The "how to be an aspie" type books almost always are completely silent about it. Yet it can and does wreak absolute devastation on our lives.

She used to be it left me in depression as a kid but then she started changing and now shes not I love it this way

yes, totally.

No, she might get angry when I tell something bad about her looks and she is guite manipulative but she is also empathic and a very good person. She always does her best for everyone to be happy, even if she uses white lies to do it.
But my dad is borderline and seems pretty narcissistic.

My dearly departed mother was not a narcissist. But there was something very wrong with her. Imagine someone raised in a middle to upper middle class background - who had absolutely no idea that she had certain responsibilities for her children like insuring that they brush their teeth and that they go to school clean with their hair combed. If she came from that sort of background herself - it might be understandable. But she didn't and she was not unintelligent. But even in the lower elementary grades she would send us to school dirty and unkempt. When it was reported to her about difficulties I might be having in school whether with school work or socially - she honestly did not have the slightest clue that it was being suggested that she had any responsibility for it whatsoever. ON top of that my father was schizophrenic and thus a very difficult person to get along with. When as a little boy between nine and thirteen - not understanding these things - I still sought my father's love and attention. My mother genuinely was hateful to me for that. Imagine a mother hating their own little boy. Eventually when I became an older teen - I became friends with my mother but only after falling out with my father and after her more favored son - my older brother committed suicide.

Gee, I don't want to make my childhood sound depressing or anything. But that is what happened.