Bullying in the workplace

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How many of you with autism (whether mild or severe) have had to deal with workplace bullying? Did the bullying get worse once you disclosed your autism? Or were you bullied without disclosing the autism?
Did the bullying get so bad that you had to quit your job? Or did you get fired once your disclosed your autism? Did you ever had to get legal advice from a lawyer? Were your parents, grandparents or siblings helpful when you had to deal with workplace bullying? Is it the norm to be bullied at work more so if the person is autistic? NT adults can deal with bullying better than autistic adults. If you were bullied how did your co workers or supervisors bullied you? When you asked for help on something at work, how did your co workers or supervisors responded? Are you still unemployed because of the bullying from your previous jobs? Or are you dealing with the bullying and crying about it every day? Did you quit working full time, and now working just part time? Are you on your parents health plan because you being unemployed? I'm in my 30s but was diagnosed with aspergers at 30. I was diagnosed with a learning disability at age 5.

Thanks

Anna

I worked for a year with the Salt Lake County Office of the Clerk after I helped the clerk win re-election. The clerk's chief deputy lost the re-election campaign of his own county official (suveyor), but had the nerve to ask mine to hire him anyway. This made him my immediate supervisor. He despised everyone, including me, from his first day. I resigned a year later and received unemployment compensation because of the hostile work environment that he created for me. He also harrassed the female workers who, years later, charged him with harrassment. I volunteered to them and their judge the administrative-law judge's written opinion in my own complaint and helped prove that the chief deputy had a history of hostility. The chief deputy ended up resigning (so he wouldn't risk losing his pension funds). He was classy to the end [sarcasm]. But, the publicity he garnered humiliated him forever.

Unfortunately for your question, this was before I knew about my Asperger's Syndrome. Still, I believe that my AS characteristics (and being gay) at the time provoked the chief deputy's hostility. So, even in a government office, bullies and their bullying exist. Without my complaint and its court opinion, my bully might still be at it.

I was bullied in every workplace I had, but I did not at that time know about my autism; I was diagnosed only recently age 52. I was bullied for traits I didn't even know then were part of my autism, just thought I was "weird" and so did everyone else....hence the bullying. People picked on me, called me stupid, and turned against me for things I realize now were instances of my completely being unaware of my instances of social awkwardnesses such as saying the wrong thing and being taken the wrong way, lack of reciprocity, etc.

I had to quit getting conventional jobs altogether and become self employed in something solitary.

People have always spread rumors about me at every place I've worked, telling others that I'm gay, I'm a virgin (which aren't true, btw). People thinking that I'm a stuck up as*hole that only cares about himself. I don't know what the answer is, or how to resolve this problem. I'm just not a very social person, and this always somehow leads to me being in a very hostile workplace, that I just deal with until it becomes too much and I quit. It's never been any easier if I explain to people that I am on the autism spectrum; they just assume, in their ignorance, that I'm ret*d and attach that to all the other negative labels they have already put on me...

I was lucky I worked for a very intelligent employer.

This was at a company that always had seasonal hire/fire periods. In the almost 22 1/2 years I worked there I had trouble with about 4-5 serious (serious enough to consider smashing them) bulliers.

But these jerks must have had other issues beside myself because, during our various slack seasons, they, one-by-one, became ex-employees and I went on to happily retire.

When I first applied for work there I was asked on the application what would I most require to make my prospective job successful. My reply: Autonomy. And I worked mostly by myself while employed there and it was almost the perfect job.

P.S. I worked in Customer Technical Service helping with electrical (etc.) problems with their machinery (which we had manufactured).

P.P.S. No friends in all this time but a great job.

I was once bullied by a co-worker while I was working as an "order-picker." He said he would "kick my butt" after work. Just like in the schoolyard. Totally unprovoked.

This was 1980, before there was an Asperger's diagnosis. I think he saw me as some "white nerd." If I were to have reported him to my boss, I would have probably gotten fired for "being a coward." There was no such thing as "recourse" in those days. There was no requirement that the boss "stop the harassment" or any such thing. I quit the job soon after, because I had another, better-paying, clerical job lined up elsewhere.

I've never been bullied at my job since--fortunately for me.

Especially in the low-wage sector, it really is not a good idea to disclose that you have some kind of "disability." The boss would, almost immediately, think of some excuse to fire you.

I wish this wasn't the state of affairs--but it is.

I don't agree NTs can deal with workplace bullying better, some have actually quit their jobs and go work somewhere else. My mom was one of them. She was being bullied again at her job in fact but this time by a social worker and it was making my mom ill and giving her sleep problems and stuff so she got transferred to work in a different area with patients in their homes even if it meant not being able to see her other patients again and their family members.



I don't think I have ever been bullied at any workplaces and I consider myself lucky. I don't want to mistake conflicts or ignorance as bullying. There was a rumor that I was pregnant but that is nothing. I am not sure how that started but I assume someone may have overheard me talking and I said I wanted to name my kid Spokane and the person assumed I was having a baby and gossiped about it so that rumor went around I was pregnant. If a rumor is harmless, I wouldn't consider it bullying. I did deal with a co worker who would tell my boss I said things to her I never even said but she was from Taiwan so she may have mistranslated my words. I just learned to not talk to her because I didn't want anymore bad misunderstandings. Even repeating what she said to try and understand what she is telling me made her think I was mocking her. I still wouldn't consider that bullying, just her being a bit sensitive and not feeling good about her poor English so she was getting upset I wasn't understanding her and she was taking it personal.

I was not necessarily bullied, but in one place I was sexually harassed, and in another place, I had a lot of run ins with my supervisor about people really complaining about me. It felt like bullying as they were going behind my back and reporting petty things. Yes, it did get quitting bad on both those occasions. Except for my current job and one student job, I was always quietly let go. My family was not there physically, although they were supportive. NTs are not always better. My coworkers went behind my back to talk with my supervisor about me. It was like tattling. My supervisor would not clarify the situations with me or anything. It took me two years to recover from that. But I did get other work in the meantime. I don't cry about it, but I did. And it still hurts to remember. I am not on any health plan.

Tina

Quoting OP.
How many of you with autism (whether mild or severe) have had to deal with workplace bullying? Did the bullying get worse once you disclosed your autism? Or were you bullied without disclosing the autism?
Did the bullying get so bad that you had to quit your job? Or did you get fired once your disclosed your autism? Did you ever had to get legal advice from a lawyer? Were your parents, grandparents or siblings helpful when you had to deal with workplace bullying? Is it the norm to be bullied at work more so if the person is autistic? NT adults can deal with bullying better than autistic adults. If you were bullied how did your co workers or supervisors bullied you? When you asked for help on something at work, how did your co workers or supervisors responded? Are you still unemployed because of the bullying from your previous jobs? Or are you dealing with the bullying and crying about it every day? Did you quit working full time, and now working just part time? Are you on your parents health plan because you being unemployed? I'm in my 30s but was diagnosed with aspergers at 30. I was diagnosed with a learning disability at age 5.

The only experience I could think of was when I worked at a perfume shop, it was the day to get paid and the lady I worked for went to give me my check and I went to get it and she said "nope, you're not getting paid". I just smiled or giggled and she then gave it to me. I thought it was unprofessional to do that and felt like I was being picked on.

I was at my last job. My ex boss is one of those people who likes to point out what you do wrong in front of everyone and she is intimidating. I was fresh out of school and a bundle of nerves. Everything was ok until May of 2015. By then I had been there nearly two years, had been moved to days, received an outstanding care comment for helping during a code and was generally liked by everyone. The one thing that I hated was my ex boss. Nothing I did was good enough. I was too slow in blood bank, I didn't ask for help enough (whenever I did it still ended in a scolding or she got mad that I didn't ask her)or something of that nature. And the feedback wasn't nice. She preferred to do the feedback in front of everyone and would then remove me from whatever I was doing and take over. It hurt. She never outright said I was stupid but she always made me feel like it. I felt that I couldn't do anything right. I ft stupid and that I wanted to die. I felt they were better off without me and that I was too slow and stupid. My self esteem took a dive and my drinking increased. I became afraid of her. Now this wasn't constructive criticism because her tone of voice and the asking of several different questions of which I was unsure to answer spoke scolding. My anxiety went up too. I wondered why I bothered going into work because I was going to get yelled at anyway. I was crying at work at my stupidity wondering why I couldn't be like everyone else, wondering why everything I did was wrong. May 2015, It got bad. I had screwed up yet again due to a misunderstanding in blood bank policy. We had new policies for outpatients and surgery patients and while no one was hurt I got chewed out so bad I went home with screaming rage. I lied to the night guy why I was crying. I went home feeling like I wanted to die. I deserved it because I screw up...im useless. I'm just wasted space. I came home angry at her and at myself. I hurt myself in rage because I wasn't good enough. I needed to be punished for being an idiot. She fired me a year later for performance. Before she did she asked if I had a learning disability. I don't. Granted some of it is my fault, I still beat myself up for not standing up for myself I had a feeling HR wouldn't believe me and would side with her. I wish I could have grown a backbone and stood up. She did know I was autistic but I don't think it mattered. She didn't handle it well. I was on the verge of a meltdown and all she could say was to look her in the eye. And that was The week before she fired me. A few people I knew who used to work for her said she always corrected staff in front of people and took over their projects and that yes, she can be snippy. I'm still depressed even though it's been nearly six months ( I was let go in June 2016). I miss that job very much and I miss the people. So far the only good thing to come of it is that she can't seem to hire a replacement. Sorry if this is long, or if I took it personally or if I'm just whiny but that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

The Queensland State and female commissioner found it is reasonable for an executive manager to be a well known and well regarded ruthless manager of the berating type who has bereated a lot of staff.

Evidence from the employer's own manager included

D3 P80 L14-21 Female Manager re Jeff Robinson
So firstly, workplace bullying and Geoff Robinson, Geoff is a Brisbane-based executive who hired me into the business. He has, I would say, a tough managerial style. He was very wellknown for being a manager who he could sometimes be quite ruthless, quite frankly. We – my team certainly did see me getting on the wrong side of Geoff at times, so they potentially will have seen me under pressure taking some criticism from Geoff at time to time. But, you know, it’s a different thing to talk about workplace bullying. This was out in the open and it was direct,

D3 P80 L35-36 Female Manager re Jeff Robinson
He – he’s a tough – he’s a tough guy and he’s well-respected and well-known to be that way.

D4 P34 L41-44 Female Manager re Jeff Robinson
As I said, Jeff’s a tough manager. Jeff is known – is – is – I’m probably making him sound a little comical. But a lot of the technical team, you know, had been berated by Jeff at one point or another, which I suspect is why the reference to bullying is – is mentioned there.

D4 P79 L19-29 Ms Bengtson re Jeff Robinson
COMMISSIONER: What do you mean by coaching?
Female Manager: Jeff had a very blunt way of telling you that you’d done the wrong thing, and I certainly remember, you know, a morning where I’d come in and Jeff was directing my people on a topic that was just so far into the details below an executive level, like, because Jeff enjoyed being around the IT stuff, and he quickly wanted me to stop doing what I was doing which was preparing for a customer meeting, and when I gave him I think a fairly fiery, “No, we’re not doing this now,” he, you know, pulled rank on me and told me that I wasn’t fit to lead with that attitude and my underlings had heard me getting told I wasn’t fit to lead. So this kind of a thing was not unusual, unfortunately. I found it quite difficult, and it’s likely that that kind of conduct is precisely what David would have known about. Certainly - - -

When I notified managment of the destress this conduct was causing me I was further isolated and the QIRC found it was reasonable for the employer to take steps that resulted in my Asperger's meltdown and loss of employment.

D4 P34 L11-12 Female Manager re: Workplace bullying report against Jeff
I understood it to mean that, you know, David was calling Jeff the bully.

D4 P30 L10-11 Female Manager Esri Manager re management of an Aspi employee
I had reviewed the material and that I could see that he was acting to defend others at his own expense.

D3 P84 L44-46 Female Manager Esri Manager re management of an Aspi employee
the underlying emphasis that David had was that he – you know, that he would kind of metaphorically take a bullet for people to defend them when he saw injustice and that he came off second best as a result

D3 P84 L2-6 Female Manager Esri Manager re management of an aspie employee
The information that David provided to me was that he had had colleagues at this past employer who had been bullied or – or unfairly treated and that the narrative he gave me was that he had defended them at his own expense so, like, at the cost of his position I think it was because he – he couldn’t, you know, bear to see them mistreated

Since then more workers have been injured and the employer is able to continue berating staff safe in the knowledge that the Queensland State considers it reasonable for them to repeatedly and publicly berate and humialte staff.

I've dealt with what I consider to be borderline bullying.

I had a boss who would put pressure on me to do things that I considered a bit shady, like "messaging the data" or "fudging" a report to make the team look better. I just said "I'll get to work on that", and then put the honest facts as I saw them into the report. He started teasing me during group lunches with my research group, but it wasn't intolerable. I left the job because I found it demoralizing that nobody cared if I did my work honestly or not. Felt like what I was doing was just going out into the void where nobody would ever see it again except as a line on a resume (which is probably true).

I had coworker at the same job who was extraordinarily competitive. Some people are just like that. One time I made a joke at his expense in front of the boss. I thought it was all in good fun, but he took it personally and never let it go. He was kind of a jerk to me after that.

In my academic career I've dealt with advisors who were quite pushy, to the point where it felt like borderline bullying. Also in grad school I've dealt with extremely competitive fellow grad students who would say rude or confrontational things to me, like calling me out on a mistake I made in front of the other students, apparently trying to humiliate me. My response has been just to avoid those people. Why spend time around a jerk.

My take-away from all these experiences is that it is better to put up a shell of professional politeness and to not get emotionally involved with your co-workers. Maintaining this distance is a bit stressful for me, but it seems better than getting entangled in pointless drama.

However, now that I have more social experience, I can see how some of the things I have said in the past would likely be considered rude or insensitive, though I didn't mean them that way at the time. Maybe in that sense I have gotten off lucky so far. Not that I think bullying is a good response to behaviors people don't like, but unfortunately it does seem to be a predictable one.

I know people who work in Accounting, who are asked to do shady stuff, I have asked if it widespread in business to them, they say half and half, rampant dishonesty in the field. Some bosses use bullying as their motivator, they think that is the best tool to use, I assume it is used more with male bosses with male employees.

I just hate my director. I'm waiting for the work contract to end.