Women possibly ARE interested, but you can't see it?

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yellowtamarin
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29 Oct 2014, 9:16 pm

Just putting this out there as a topic of discussion; I have no idea if there is anything in this but I've noticed a sort of a trend recently and thought it was worth mentioning.

So in the last week or so there have been 3 threads in this sub-forum started by females, about AS males they are keen on but are having difficulty figuring out how to get something happening, or who they feel they are scaring off, or they can't tell if they are interested, etc.

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt269128.html
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt269198.html
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt269475.html

Also recently I have had a couple of male friends complain that no females are interested in them. I try to disagree as I am 99% sure this is not the case, instead I feel that they are not seeing it when females are interested. AS males on this site admit that picking up on subtle signals etc. is a challenge and that females may need to be more forward and direct in their approach.

So when I read the multitudes of thread in this sub-forum by AS males wondering why they are not having luck finding someone who wants to date them, I wonder...how many are actually behaving as the three males in the above threads? How many have females interested in them but they just aren't seeing it? Or are being frightened away? Or something similar?

I understand that there are those who are going to a lot of effort to approach women and are not having positive responses, but could there still possibly be women they are just not seeing, who are interested?

I don't know the answers, I'm just thinking aloud. Any thoughts about this?



FireyInspiration
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29 Oct 2014, 9:33 pm

I've been told several times that I missed 'obvious' signs a girl has liked me. To me, their (the girls who liked me) behaviour didn't in any way seem abnormal.



yellowtamarin
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29 Oct 2014, 9:40 pm

FireyInspiration wrote:
I've been told several times that I missed 'obvious' signs a girl has liked me. To me, their (the girls who liked me) behaviour didn't in any way seem abnormal.

Do you think then it might be fair to say to AS males who claim there are "no" or "almost no" women who are interested in them, that they may be mistaken? Obviously this isn't any kind of solution as to how to get them to be able to detect it, but just the more optimistic outlook that women ARE interested can only be a good thing, right?



FireyInspiration
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29 Oct 2014, 9:48 pm

yellowtamarin wrote:
FireyInspiration wrote:
I've been told several times that I missed 'obvious' signs a girl has liked me. To me, their (the girls who liked me) behaviour didn't in any way seem abnormal.

Do you think then it might be fair to say to AS males who claim there are "no" or "almost no" women who are interested in them, that they may be mistaken? Obviously this isn't any kind of solution as to how to get them to be able to detect it, but just the more optimistic outlook that women ARE interested can only be a good thing, right?


Its certainly possible, however I'm not sure if such a thing boosts or detracts from my confidence. On one hand, I do get some attention, on the other hand, even after looking up signs of interest, I'm unable to see it.

Maybe we should be more upset about the social norms, stopping people from being open and honest about their feelings. It seems girls/women don't express interest outright because it is, for whatever reason, not acceptable. Why isn't it acceptable for a woman to approach a man and ask him out?



yellowtamarin
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29 Oct 2014, 10:00 pm

FireyInspiration wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
FireyInspiration wrote:
I've been told several times that I missed 'obvious' signs a girl has liked me. To me, their (the girls who liked me) behaviour didn't in any way seem abnormal.

Do you think then it might be fair to say to AS males who claim there are "no" or "almost no" women who are interested in them, that they may be mistaken? Obviously this isn't any kind of solution as to how to get them to be able to detect it, but just the more optimistic outlook that women ARE interested can only be a good thing, right?


Its certainly possible, however I'm not sure if such a thing boosts or detracts from my confidence. On one hand, I do get some attention, on the other hand, even after looking up signs of interest, I'm unable to see it.

Maybe we should be more upset about the social norms, stopping people from being open and honest about their feelings. It seems girls/women don't express interest outright because it is, for whatever reason, not acceptable. Why isn't it acceptable for a woman to approach a man and ask him out?

Yes that's certainly a frustrating thing. Personally, I do ask men out. I usually do it online though so that's a different ballgame. But I have done it plenty of times in the "real world" too (and yep, been rejected a number of times). Actually for both of these male friends who complained of having few to no women interested in them, I was interested in them when I first met them. In one case I didn't ask him out because he was leaving the city, in the other case I didn't because I was leaving the city. If circumstances were different, perhaps they each would have had a date with me. As for the other women who have been interested in them but didn't ask them out, I don't understand this. Everybody loses. I'm almost entirely convinced that they exist though, since I do, and I'm not *that* unique. Surely.



Last edited by yellowtamarin on 29 Oct 2014, 10:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

CynicalWaffle
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29 Oct 2014, 10:10 pm

Yeah, that could be the case, but it's more likely that there's just no one attracted in them.

I'd pity the fool who was attracted to me. 8)



funeralxempire
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29 Oct 2014, 11:52 pm

I believe I suffer this issue. I've had people tell me I was oblivious to girls who were interested in me before. I've also had a girl become increasingly obvious (to the point of looking desperate to people who weren't me) in flirting with me to the point she finally became exceedingly clear...she put her underwear in my pocket as I was leaving work along with a note with her contact details.

Why can't girls be more direct and clear like that more often? :lol:



AlexanderDantes
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30 Oct 2014, 12:49 am

That's one of the problems but there's a few other scenarios that are relevant.

1. They are paying attention to the wrong girls.

2. They aren't approaching enough women or meeting enough people.



yellowtamarin
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30 Oct 2014, 12:58 am

AlexanderDantes wrote:
1. They are paying attention to the wrong girls.

Yeah this is sort of tied into it. For someone to say "nobody is interested" when they are either not picking up on signals, or not looking in the right places, it's just not necessarily true.



sly279
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30 Oct 2014, 1:00 am

I think for some its a possibility. for me it isn't. I once thought it was but she wasn't interested and was just being nice.

I've never ever had a woman ask me to go do stuff with her or similar things that they did in those threads.
really probably depends on how the guy looks, so a hot aspie might not notice girls interested in them but ugly ones like me don't have girls to notice in the first place.



The_Face_of_Boo
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30 Oct 2014, 1:16 am

No, real interest is easly shown and they are not just simple subtle signs.

A girl would make your know in a way or a another.

Things like texting, facebook...etc expose those things too.



yellowtamarin
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30 Oct 2014, 1:44 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
No, real interest is easly shown and they are not just simple subtle signs.

A girl would make your know in a way or a another.

Things like texting, facebook...etc expose those things too.

This is just not true. Plenty of women are shy or uncertain and don't want to show interest until they know it is reciprocated. If both parties act this way...nobody ever knows!



The_Face_of_Boo
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30 Oct 2014, 2:41 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
No, real interest is easly shown and they are not just simple subtle signs.

A girl would make your know in a way or a another.

Things like texting, facebook...etc expose those things too.

This is just not true. Plenty of women are shy or uncertain and don't want to show interest until they know it is reciprocated. If both parties act this way...nobody ever knows!


Believe me, no matter how shy they are, you'll know.

One of the girls who showed interest in me was the very shy type.



Andreger
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30 Oct 2014, 2:44 am

I'm sure I don't miss any signals - girls in office are all married and don't even look on other guys and there are no other places where I meet girls except occasional unsuccessful datings.



yellowtamarin
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30 Oct 2014, 2:53 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
No, real interest is easly shown and they are not just simple subtle signs.

A girl would make your know in a way or a another.

Things like texting, facebook...etc expose those things too.

This is just not true. Plenty of women are shy or uncertain and don't want to show interest until they know it is reciprocated. If both parties act this way...nobody ever knows!


Believe me, no matter how shy they are, you'll know.

One of the girls who showed interest in me was the very shy type.

Then why do guys claim that they didn't know I was interested in them? And why have I had to have girls tell me they were interested, because I couldn't tell?



AlexanderDantes
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30 Oct 2014, 3:04 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
No, real interest is easly shown and they are not just simple subtle signs.

A girl would make your know in a way or a another.

Things like texting, facebook...etc expose those things too.

This is just not true. Plenty of women are shy or uncertain and don't want to show interest until they know it is reciprocated. If both parties act this way...nobody ever knows!


Believe me, no matter how shy they are, you'll know.

One of the girls who showed interest in me was the very shy type.

Then why do guys claim that they didn't know I was interested in them? And why have I had to have girls tell me they were interested, because I couldn't tell?


Shy girls can give signals but they can be missed and the opportunity can pass if the guy doesn't initiate or act on those subtle signals.