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rugulach
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03 Nov 2014, 12:04 am

I have always tended to avoid confrontation. I find everyday NT male behavior to be way too impulsive and aggressive for my taste.

The most recent instance was a couple days ago when I was driving in a parking lot and another car was backing out. The driver could clearly see me and he made it seem like he was going to stop to allow me to pass. But then suddenly backed out anyway knowing it would be extremely difficult for me to stop and it was. Instead of stopping, if I had wanted to be aggressive I could have just kept going and he would have had to stop. But to me this has always seemed very petty, so I have never engaged in this sort of behavior.

An NT acquaintance I related this to said the other driver was being aggressive and people do this very commonly as a sign of masculinity and to show/establish dominance and that it boosts their ego. Similar situations have happened countless times in my life and i have consistently avoided confrontation. The NT acquaintance indicated that if this was a pattern, I have been too submissive and a little cowardly in life.

I have never had meltdowns or been aggressive. In fact, I can't even get angry during the times when it would be socially acceptable and appropriate to show anger.

Is it just me who is like this or do other ASDers feel this way?



funeralxempire
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03 Nov 2014, 12:14 am

I'm risk averse and generally not very aggressive and avoid confrontation but I definitely have the capacity for both.
I sometimes blow-up pretty bad if I put off an inevitable confrontation for too long. A couple guys who bullied me in high school found this out on a few separate instances.


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auntblabby
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03 Nov 2014, 12:54 am

take risks only when your life depends on it.



seaturtleisland
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03 Nov 2014, 2:10 am

Not me. Well it's kind of me but not really. I take unnecessary risks fairly regularly but I'm also conflict averse. I hate confrontation and I'm very submissive. I don't argue. I don't criticize people or tell them the truth when I'm afraid it will lead to confrontation.

I'm very impulsive though. I'm both a major risk taker and a risk averse person. I take very stupid risks but then I go and do the opposite by using precautions and safety measures rigidly in different situation.



League_Girl
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03 Nov 2014, 2:19 am

I don't like confrontations so I am afraid to speak up, I don't engage in road rage or even mess with other drivers on the road or mess with tailgaters risking being rear ended.


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goldfish21
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03 Nov 2014, 3:39 am

I can still be too passive at times, but I'm certainly not risk averse. I mitigate risks, but still take them.. I kite board in the summer, get out and mountain bike here and there, and snowboard etc - not the most dangerous activities in the world.. but certainly not without risk, either.


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nerdygirl
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03 Nov 2014, 5:47 am

I take risks, but not foolish ones (in my opinion.)

Taking a risk is the way one moves forward. Relationships require the risk that comes with being vulnerable. Learning something new requires the risk of failing.

Risks for me, generally, are calculated. How badly do I want such-and-such? Am I willing to take the risk involved in order to try and get what I want? The desire for success in that area has to be greater than the fear of the consequences of failure. It involves a lot of asking, "What is the worst that can happen to me?" If I am willing to have that "worst" happen to me in order to try and achieve what I want, I go for it.

Also, asking "What is the worst that can happen to me?" is good for preparing for potential failure and minimizing the negative consequences.

I am still learning.



jk1
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03 Nov 2014, 5:54 am

I think risk aversion is a natural result of autistic mentality.

My risk avoidace is rather extreme and my life is restricted by that. It must have something with my OCD. However, I passively take risks by being indecisive, procrastinating and eventually making quick fatally bad decisions.

I rather consciously try to avoid most "masculine" ways of behaving because I'm against traditional gender roles and "gender-appropriate" behavior. Nothing is sillier and uglier than a man trying to show his masculinity and dominance. In addition it is actually harming men.



Apple_in_my_Eye
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03 Nov 2014, 7:48 am

Eh, the logical(?) extreme of the dominance game is that the person who is most willing to go to jail or prison wins. Still, I think it's bluffing a lot of the time. On extremely bad days I seem to muster enough hate when someone pulls that crap that it shows on my face and they tend to shut up and go away. I usually don't even have to say anything. (I'm also big-boned and tall, though, and look like I have more muscle than I really do, which probably helps.)

I can also force myself if necessary -- i.e. nurses ignoring the call button for hours for a relative in the hospital, but otherwise, I'm not naturally aggressive at all.

Did I mention I hate that macho crap?



EzraS
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03 Nov 2014, 9:44 am

There are plenty of aggressive asd alphas. I wish some of you spent half as much time as me being surrounded by asd people. Then you would know so much of what gets called an NT thing, is really just a people thing.



azstar1992
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03 Nov 2014, 10:20 am

your behavior is much like mine however lately i think that the dominance is not only for egotistical purposes but necessary to defend one self and prevent other from bullying you.

what i am trying to say is that kinda of behavior deters challengers



grbiker
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03 Nov 2014, 12:05 pm

I am risk averse in social situations, but have enjoyed "risky" sports like alpine skiing, rock climbing, mountain biking, surfing. Like someone else said, not the most extreme activities, but riskier than watching TV. I can read conditions in the natural environment and react.


Being socially risk avoidance has made life more difficult and less fulfilling. It's hard for me to negotiate and be assertive so I don't advance or get what I want/need. It's hard to calm someone down who is upset or angry, so I tend to shut down.

Other people seem to be forces of nature that I have trouble reading and understanding. I also feel that most people are going to aggressively pursue what is best for them, what they want, and I'm simply not competitive in that realm. Maybe that can change with some training. I have been fortunate that I have always had what I need to get by.

I avoid conflict, unless I my safety or someone I am with is threatened, then I can explode. It was really frightening to me the few times that has happened.



Last edited by grbiker on 03 Nov 2014, 9:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sweetleaf
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03 Nov 2014, 12:15 pm

Yeah I tend to try and avoid conflict/confontation....I mean sometimes I think that is the right choice, but there are times I think I should say/do something but its really difficult I admit I end up feeling intimidated. Though if something gets to me enough I may blow up and be confrontational but things really have to kind of build up for me to get to that point.



rugulach
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03 Nov 2014, 1:10 pm

auntblabby wrote:
take risks only when your life depends on it.


Have followed that principle but life's too complicated.



funeralxempire
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03 Nov 2014, 2:59 pm

auntblabby wrote:
take risks only when your life depends on it.


This sounds like good way to starve to death in bed.

Even getting out of bed in the morning is a calculated risk. Leaving the home, all the things in your normal routines, these all carry potential risks. Life is risk management.


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RichardJ
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03 Nov 2014, 3:28 pm

I am a bit of both, I don't take risky decisions but on the other hand I love arguing and debating with other people and could class as confrontational.

EzraS wrote:
There are plenty of aggressive asd alphas. I wish some of you spent half as much time as me being surrounded by asd people. Then you would know so much of what gets called an NT thing, is really just a people thing.


I whole heartedly agree with you, Ezra, it is indeed a people thing. :thumright: