Situations with Strangers

Post Reply New Topic

Wanted to ask someone about this and couldn't think of anyone or anywhere I could talk to apart from WP. Sorry if it's a weird topic though.

I often seem to have encounters with strangers that are confusing. Examples are:

When I was around 12-14 I did a paper-round and one of the men who worked in the shop I delivered the papers for would always want to pick my bag up and put it on my shoulder, and while he was doing it he would touch me weirdly around the chest and neck and ask for my number and stuff like that.

When I was about 15/16 a stranger approached me on a bus and started talking to me, then the bus broke down so he wanted me to get off and walk with him. I said no but he kept insisting and I feel like I have to do things that people say so I eventually did, then he started kissing me and grabbing me and sticking his tongue in his mouth and wouldn't stop when I said no and tried to push him away.

When I was 16 two more people approached me in the street in similar ways but without the kissing and stuff, they were just trying to hug me and hold my hand and one of them was asking for my number and to go out with him, the other said he wanted to be friends and was touching me.

When I was 17 a guy who was selling the Big Issue stopped me in the street in a similar way, then stroked my face and tried to stick his fingers in my mouth.

When I was 18 I was standing on the street outside a bar and this guy came up and kissed me without talking or anything and just walked away.

Around the same time I was in the same bar and these to men were standing about 4 feet away from me staring at me for a long time (30 mins +), so that the friend I was with and another person pointed them out to me, then one of them came over and asked me more than once 'are you lesbian or are you normal?'

Also in the same place I walked up to the bar and saw this guy looking at me and turn around to his friend and point at me, then his friend came over to me and started talking to me then kissed me on the cheek

Then other random things have happened with strangers, but without the kissing or anything, like:

More than one person has stopped on the street and offered me a cigarette (even when I have my own)

Someone has stopped on the street outside the building I go to college in and tried to give me directions into the building (I already knew the way)

A man at the weekend stopped and started talking to me when I was waiting at a bus stop, he was telling me I was beautiful and shaking my hand, then left and came back to hand me a pasty/toasted pastry type food thing and stroke my face, then told me to take care of myself and went away

Often if I go into a newsagents or somewhere the shopkeepers will ask me where I'm from (sometimes they say they don't believe me and ask again, then ask where my parents are from and say 'are you sure?' etc. I've stopped going into a shop near my house because the man was asking those kinds of questions and saying he didn't believe me then said he was lonely and asked if I was single and asking for my number

Sometimes people make random remarks to me as they walk by, like at the weekend I was standing on the street because I was a couple of minutes early to go somewhere and this man stared at me and smiled for about 30 seconds then said he liked my hat, which if it was just him I wouldn't find it confusing but it's happened a few times with different people and different remarks

Recently I was going to get off the bus but there was a woman in a wheelchair in front with another woman behind her and because we would have to wait for the driver to lower the ramp for the woman in front with the chair I stood behind them with a little space between us so there was room for her and she didn't have to worry, but then this guy tapped me on the shoulder and shouted 'are you getting off the bus or not?!'

Basically I'm confused about why people do this kind of thing, and have any of you guys had many things like this happen? I don't get it and get nervous about it I guess, because I don't know what to do. Not sure if that makes sense or is a stupid thing to post about.

Primarily, these people are doing these things because they have sexual or personal problems. It's not your fault at all.

First off, I would get some pepper spray. It is not normal to be groped, touched, or kissed by strangers. Sadly, sexual assault is a real problem. I don't know the statistics in the UK, but in the US 1 in 5 women will become victims. The best thing you can do, which may be hard, is be aware of your surroundings. Don't go anywhere alone with a stranger. If someone makes you feel uncomfortable, that is your body's natural response telling you something isn't right. Be brave, be strong, and be aware. Not every man is a predator, but the possibility exists that anyone could be. I'm not suggesting fearing everyone, just being protective of yourself. Maybe take a self defense class to build confidence. I wish you well, and I hope that sort of thing never happens to you again. You don't deserve that.

First off, I would get some pepper spray. It is not normal to be groped, touched, or kissed by strangers. Sadly, sexual assault is a real problem. I don't know the statistics in the UK, but in the US 1 in 5 women will become victims. The best thing you can do, which may be hard, is be aware of your surroundings. Don't go anywhere alone with a stranger. If someone makes you feel uncomfortable, that is your body's natural response telling you something isn't right. Be brave, be strong, and be aware. Not every man is a predator, but the possibility exists that anyone could be. I'm not suggesting fearing everyone, just being protective of yourself. Maybe take a self defense class to build confidence. I wish you well, and I hope that sort of thing never happens to you again. You don't deserve that.

Um....that is REALLY bizarre and gross and is sexual assault. You definitely need some pepper spray and some self-defense classes and maybe a big ugly overcoat. Don't walk with strangers and don't talk to strangers - especially men.

Some of those incidents sound innocent and normal, some are creepy.


Men are going to want to talk you because they find you attractive, they go about it in different ways.

The incidents in the first half of the post sound creepy.

The incidents described as 'other random things' are just men trying to talk to you.

If men didnt initiate contact with women the human race would die out. (except in those countries with arranged marriage)

You probably need therapy after being groped at age 12.

Being an aspie ,you unconciously put out vibes to people that you are easily taken advantage of and are naive.

Thanks to everyone for responding.
I guess I should try your suggestions if it happens again, just not good at doing things while it happens, but I'll try.
Does this kind of thing happen to any of you guys? Not sure whether it's common to get approached like that pretty often, or if I somehow attract it without meaning to.

I had a creepy old man follow me around Walmart meowing at me. Sometimes the best thing to do is just try to get out of the situation, and like I said, be aware and don't put yourself in a spot where you will be alone. I went to a fair with my sister, and a man grabbed her breast. She jerked away and he called her a slut. Sometimes it just happens, but it is never ok. I don't think you are being preyed upon because of your disability. Being a pretty girl is all it takes sometimes. It's good to talk about it and ask questions though.

Its wrong that any of those instances happened to you, self defense classes could give you a bit more confidence. I have not had those kind of experiences but when I was in my late teens dirty old men in pubs used to pinch my bum and the only way to stop it was to crossly lecture them, but this might not be the best approach in every situation

Kurushimi - That sounds like a really creepy thing to have happen, did he stop or did you leave or something? Sorry that happened to you, and really sorry to hear about what happened with your sister and that other guy. :/

Amity - The men in pubs pinching you doesn't sound nice either, sorry to hear that. Glad to hear that you lectured them though, that's good.