is body language the same thing as talking to NT's?

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hollowmoon
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06 Nov 2014, 9:32 am

I'm just asking but I have noticed that no matter how much I talk people still consider me very quiet. For example, I have been in groups of NT's and have said the same amount of words but still have been questioned on "why I am being so quiet". and I say, "what do you mean I was talking" and they say "You just seemed quiet" or I have people say "the way you carry yourself makes you seem so quiet" or "your hard to read".
I know I use no body language my face does not move unless i make it move. Anyway, my question is: is body language part of talking to NT's? Is it part of me being seen as "quiet?"



sacrip
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06 Nov 2014, 9:53 am

It could be that whatever you're saying isn't registering with the people you're talking to, and they don't remember you saying anything. Yes, body language could be part of that, but also be sure whoever you're talking to is listening to you. Eye contact is the main way to tell this, and other clues, like head nodding and short responses like "yeah" or "uh huh".

Other than that, don't overthink it. If you start second guessing yourself every time you have a conversation you'll go nuts. So just keep talking like you have been.


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kraftiekortie
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06 Nov 2014, 10:16 am

To me: it's not how you say it, but what you say.

This is rather the opposite of "NT thinking"--but it works for me.

I would say, from my standpoint, that the solution would be to emphasize your opinions, make it known, through gestures, that you feel strongly about something.

To be honest, there are many NT's who don't mind "quiet" people.



LupaLuna
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06 Nov 2014, 11:15 am

I am not NT, so I really can't tell for sure if it is or not. But I can tell you from the observation of other NT's, interacting with each other, that there is some form "hidden" communication going on. When I was in special ED. I notice the way the teachers would talk to each other and it always seem that there was something missing in their conversations.



kraftiekortie
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06 Nov 2014, 11:27 am

Within the conversation of NT's, there's lots of "implications" which one NT assumes the other NT understands (i.e., the "implication" doesn't have to be stated explicitly).



eggheadjr
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06 Nov 2014, 12:32 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Within the conversation of NT's, there's lots of "implications" which one NT assumes the other NT understands (i.e., the "implication" doesn't have to be stated explicitly).


^^^ Yup - and even better is when the NT thinks "they get you" and go away completely misunderstanding what you're trying to say.

Happens to me all the time...
all the time...
all the time...

(insert sound of me banging my head against the wall, over, and over, and over....)


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1401b
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06 Nov 2014, 3:25 pm

Body language is part of talking for ALL animals.


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Kiriae
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06 Nov 2014, 4:33 pm

Words are actually not a huge part of communication. About 60-90% of a message are nonverbal signals. Words are only 10-40% of the information someone sends.

Actually there is a bunch of methods to be a part of talking without saying a world. You nod or shake your head, look into eyes, open eyes wide, squash one eye, blink,open mouth, smile, snort, touch your cheek- to name a few I personally learned to use.
Just doing so makes you seem an active participant of the conversation even if you say nothing at all.

This is so important that I was able to get an A from a speaking exam while knowing nearly nothing about the subject (I didn't know there is an exam so I didn't learn). I said a little bit and then by nodding and saying "I can't get the right words but you know what I mean" I managed to get my teacher answer for me and make him believe I was knowing it all, just got to stressed to get the right words. :lol: At least that was the communicate he read seeing the body language I used when I was listening to his own answer for the question I was supposed to answer.



olympiadis
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06 Nov 2014, 8:23 pm

hollowmoon wrote:
my question is: is body language part of talking to NT's? Is it part of me being seen as "quiet?"


Yes, and there is more as well.
As has been said NTs do not register a great deal of plain information. They register emotional responses that come from reciprocal engagements.
They also have a habit of interrupting and/or jumping in with their input suddenly while another is still talking, - trying to finish their thought, or interjecting with some emotion.
Perhaps the NTs see actions like this as a signal that the other person really cares about the communication?
If you don't engage verbally like this, AND you don't supply them visible body language, then they probably don't register much of your interaction. You're not reaching specific thresholds that their brains use as signals.



dianthus
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06 Nov 2014, 8:32 pm

It's more important to them than talking. They don't really listen that closely to what other people say.

If you are not very outwardly demonstrative or expressive, they look at that as being "quiet", even if you have a lot to say.



kraftiekortie
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06 Nov 2014, 9:32 pm

I know some NT's who listen closely to what people say. I know people on the Spectrum who don't. Sometimes, I'm guilty of that because of my ADHD tendencies.



hollowmoon
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07 Nov 2014, 7:14 am

1401b wrote:
Body language is part of talking for ALL animals.

so when people say talking they are not literally talking about talking? their talking about body language. Also is body language even accurate?



Kiriae
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07 Nov 2014, 7:33 am

olympiadis wrote:
They also have a habit of interrupting and/or jumping in with their input suddenly while another is still talking, - trying to finish their thought, or interjecting with some emotion.

I am in the spectrum and I have this habit too. I need to interrupt and say what is on my mind instantly since I am going to miss the rest of message anyway. I am often confused when people speak so I stop them and ask for clarification or else the whole message doesn't have any sense and if something doesn't make sense I just can't remember it. And even when I am not confused once I get the point of message I want to answer it as soon as possible because I won't hear the other words anyway, busy focusing what I am about to say. I might in fact forget what I was about to say and once the person stops talking naturally a silence come because I just don't know what to answer anymore. I also tend to interpret the small breaks of someones taking breath as ending their message and letting me talk.



kraftiekortie
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07 Nov 2014, 8:10 am

Yeah....I do that, too.

Sometimes, I seem always to be in "Status Interruptus!"

(alas, I'm also in "Coitus Interruptus" at the present moment :wink: )



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07 Nov 2014, 9:56 pm

I can't relate to comments here about NTs other than these two:

kraftiekortie wrote:
Within the conversation of NT's, there's lots of "implications" which one NT assumes the other NT understands (i.e., the "implication" doesn't have to be stated explicitly).


I'm not sure if this is the type you were referring to, but one of my friends is turning 20 soon (ahead of myself) and I jokingly asked him if he had bought life insurance yet, the implication being that he is relatively old.

olympiadis wrote:
As has been said NTs do not register a great deal of plain information. They register emotional responses that come from reciprocal engagements.


This is crucial in interactions. If plain information is all that is to be registered, it is more like an arduous, formal discussion rather than friendly rapport. It's likely a primary cause of the feeling of detachment that many autistic people experience.

This only means that an NT registers flavoured information, not that they ignore the information. If you put curry spice flavouring on a chocolate cake however, the result will not be great, if that makes sense. Misunderstandings of this nature are a frequent occurrence.

If a point is to be directly made, you can just tell the person that (example) 'you're being serious' so they know not to interpret it as a joke, or something of different nature. It's too complicated for me to attempt to explain with one short post, and I'm not great at it anyway.

kraftiekortie wrote:
(alas, I'm also in "Coitus Interruptus" at the present moment :wink: )


Sadly I can't relate to this comment.

>.>
<.<


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seaturtleisland
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07 Nov 2014, 10:58 pm

Kiriae wrote:
olympiadis wrote:
They also have a habit of interrupting and/or jumping in with their input suddenly while another is still talking, - trying to finish their thought, or interjecting with some emotion.

I am in the spectrum and I have this habit too. I need to interrupt and say what is on my mind instantly since I am going to miss the rest of message anyway. I am often confused when people speak so I stop them and ask for clarification or else the whole message doesn't have any sense and if something doesn't make sense I just can't remember it. And even when I am not confused once I get the point of message I want to answer it as soon as possible because I won't hear the other words anyway, busy focusing what I am about to say. I might in fact forget what I was about to say and once the person stops talking naturally a silence come because I just don't know what to answer anymore. I also tend to interpret the small breaks of someones taking breath as ending their message and letting me talk.


I'm not sure I understand what you mean. Are you saying that you try to finish other people's sentences to show them that you understand or empathize?