is the guy I am dating only interested in sex?

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linatet
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11 Nov 2014, 2:45 pm

I'm dating this guy and he is 22. I think he likes me because he says I am intelligent and that I see things from different perspectives than other people, and also he laughs at my jokes. The thing is, he is very insistent about sex, and I am worrying that he may be saying those things and treating me nicely only to have sex. Needless to say I can't read him well so I feel kind of blind/vulnerable in those matters.
He never pressures me but he is always talking about it. On our first date he said: "come to my house" and I said no. In the second one same thing, and I said no. On the third one same thing and I said NO. I don't know if this is normal or something I should expect from a date? Our last date was on Sunday and he already sent me two messages saying we should get a room, though he was making some kind of joke. And he makes implicit remarks about sex.
I thought of some hypotheses:
1- he is trying to make me turned on. If you go to websites aimed at male Audiences for instance, they always say you should show the girl you desire her because that makes her turned on.
2- he thinks I am like the average girl used to casual sex and not a virgin so those remarks about sex are no big deal
3- he wants to have sex badly but it doesn't mean he doesn't like me
4- he is just dating me to have sex
What do you think? Also what kind of information can I gather to discover his intentions? How can I do that?



AspieUtah
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11 Nov 2014, 2:49 pm

Let's see: He is a "guy and he is 22."

Well, pshyeah! Seriously, it sounds like you know how to delay his intentions and reveal whether he actually likes you for other reasons.


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autismthinker21
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11 Nov 2014, 2:54 pm

friends with benefits.





that is all.


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linatet
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11 Nov 2014, 3:02 pm

AspieUtah wrote:
Let's see: He is a "guy and he is 22."

Well, pshyeah! Seriously, it sounds like you know how to delay his intentions and reveal whether he actually likes you for other reasons.

Didn't get it. You mean because he is 22 does it mean he only wants sex? I really don't know how to read the situation.
He posted a picture of us on Facebook, I mean, you don't post pictures of random girls you meet/have sex with right? At the same time he could be showing off to his friends because I am kind of pretty.. We'll, I don't know
Also he is always sending me messages and inviting me to all kinds of places. It seems he likes me. Or maybe hr wants me to think that. I don't know



slenkar
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11 Nov 2014, 3:03 pm

Yeah it's because he is 22 and has the hormones. Also he grew up watching western media (TV porn and movies) which glamorize and make sex into something it isn't.

It's up to you to decide if you get along or not. It sounds like you do from the description.

My brothers wife made him wait about 8 months for sex to see if they got along.

It worked because she told him what she was doing, instead of just withholding sex for 8 months.



Last edited by slenkar on 11 Nov 2014, 3:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

linatet
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11 Nov 2014, 3:05 pm

autismthinker21 wrote:
friends with benefits.





that is all.

Is it bad?
I don't want to have a boyfriend and all that, but I also don't want to feel like being used. If it's only sex no relationship that's fine, but I don't want him to pretend to like me for that and then just disappear.



Cafeaulait
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11 Nov 2014, 3:07 pm

Whether he is perverted and only interested in you for sex depends on a number of things:
-How long have you been dating? If you have been 'dating' exclusively for months and you haven't done anything intimate or sexual, then I can image that it might get frustrating to him after so much time. If a guy is attracted to you -physically, but also physically AND emotionally-, he WILL want to have sex with you after a while (well, unless he's asexual). It's biological.
-How does he interact with you when he talks with you about non-sexual things? What do you talk about? Do you feel like you have a connection? If he's talking about sex 50 percent of time that would be a definite red flag for me.



androbot01
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11 Nov 2014, 3:08 pm

linatet wrote:
3- he wants to have sex badly but it doesn't mean he doesn't like me


^#3^

He's 22. He's into you. He wants to have sex. If you don't want to, you might have to go your separate ways. Are you into him or do you view him more as a friend?



The_Face_of_Boo
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11 Nov 2014, 3:10 pm

linatet wrote:
autismthinker21 wrote:
friends with benefits.





that is all.

Is it bad?
I don't want to have a boyfriend and all that, but I also don't want to feel like being used. If it's only sex no relationship that's fine, but I don't want him to pretend to like me for that and then just disappear.



Then why are you complaining?

If you don't want a bf/gf relationship and yet you don't want just FWB, then what the hell do you want?



Cafeaulait
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11 Nov 2014, 3:13 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
linatet wrote:
autismthinker21 wrote:
friends with benefits.





that is all.

Is it bad?
I don't want to have a boyfriend and all that, but I also don't want to feel like being used. If it's only sex no relationship that's fine, but I don't want him to pretend to like me for that and then just disappear.



Then why are you complaining?

If you don't want a bf/gf relationship and yet you don't want just FWB, then what the hell do you want?


I agree with Boo her (lol, that's rare). You want a fuckbuddy right, a friend with benefits, someone you get along with and can f**k for more than once?
In that case I COMPLETELY don't understand why you would care that he talks about sex mostly.



linatet
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11 Nov 2014, 3:16 pm

Cafeaulait wrote:
Whether he is perverted and only interested in you for sex depends on a number of things:
-How long have you been dating? If you have been 'dating' exclusively for months and you haven't done anything intimate or sexual, then I can image that it might get frustrating to him after so much time. If a guy is attracted to you -physically, but also physically AND emotionally-, he WILL want to have sex with you after a while (well, unless he's asexual). It's biological.
-How does he interact with you when he talks with you about non-sexual things? What do you talk about? Do you feel like you have a connection? If he's talking about sex 50 percent of time that would be a definite red flag for me.

We have been dating for a month or so.
Our conversations: we usually make jokes or tell funny stories or talk about ourselves or talk about intellectual things - cultural and political stuff (that's my special interest) but in my defense he started the subject (because he studies political sciences and African studies and he seems to like the subject too)
No, he makes sexual references about 5 times in a 5 hour date



linatet
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11 Nov 2014, 3:18 pm

Cafeaulait wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
linatet wrote:
autismthinker21 wrote:
friends with benefits.





that is all.

Is it bad?
I don't want to have a boyfriend and all that, but I also don't want to feel like being used. If it's only sex no relationship that's fine, but I don't want him to pretend to like me for that and then just disappear.



Then why are you complaining?

If you don't want a bf/gf relationship and yet you don't want just FWB, then what the hell do you want?


I agree with Boo her (lol, that's rare). You want a fuckbuddy right, a friend with benefits, someone you get along with and can f**k for more than once?
In that case I COMPLETELY don't understand why you would care that he talks about sex mostly.

As I said I am not looking for a boyfriend but I don't want to feel used either. If he is pretending to like me or being nice just to have sex then I am not going to see him anymore. does it make sense?



Last edited by linatet on 11 Nov 2014, 3:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

The_Face_of_Boo
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11 Nov 2014, 3:19 pm

Maybe it's the weather in Brazil.



The_Face_of_Boo
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11 Nov 2014, 3:20 pm

linatet wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
linatet wrote:
autismthinker21 wrote:
friends with benefits.





that is all.

Is it bad?
I don't want to have a boyfriend and all that, but I also don't want to feel like being used. If it's only sex no relationship that's fine, but I don't want him to pretend to like me for that and then just disappear.



Then why are you complaining?

If you don't want a bf/gf relationship and yet you don't want just FWB, then what the hell do you want?


I agree with Boo her (lol, that's rare). You want a fuckbuddy right, a friend with benefits, someone you get along with and can f**k for more than once?
In that case I COMPLETELY don't understand why you would care that he talks about sex mostly.

As I said I am not looking for a boyfriend but I don't want to feel used either. If he is pretending to like me or being nice just to have sex then I am not going to see him anymore.



Then just ask him - or just stop seeing him.



linatet
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11 Nov 2014, 3:20 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Maybe it's the weather in Brazil.

:lol:



androbot01
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11 Nov 2014, 3:21 pm

Well, it sounds like you get along well. But tbh, there are no guarantees in life. Are you worried that he will lose interest in you or that he is being deliberately deceitful just to get sex? Both are possible, but sometimes you just have to go with your instinct.