How do you accept the loneliness?

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defaultlost89
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17 Nov 2014, 6:21 pm

I'm terrible at friendship. the people I know don't talk to me anymore. I've stopped going out. I am envious of the people who have friends. Who know people. Who call each other up and get together. I deleted acquaintances on Facebook because I was sick of seeing them plan and do things together without me. When I had my daughter two years ago I was going to this mom group and it was terrible. No one would talk to me. They'd do stuff and not tell me and then I would sit at home and see the Facebook pictures and cry. When I went to activities they planned they would talk about other outings they've had that I wasn't there for. I've stopped going to these kind of things. I had one person who I would hang out with but since she's become a mom now too she is so annoying. She's always comparing her kid to mine and criticizing my parenting. My brain is telling me to yell SHUT UP. But I don't. I just sit there and listen to her talk about herself. I had another friend and she moved away and I miss her lots.

I'm so lonely. I stay home with my fiancé and daughter. But sometimes I need a girl friend. Which I don't have anymore.

Do I accept the loneliness? I wish I knew how.



Meistersinger
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17 Nov 2014, 9:53 pm

defaultlost89 wrote:
I'm terrible at friendship. the people I know don't talk to me anymore. I've stopped going out. I am envious of the people who have friends. Who know people. Who call each other up and get together. I deleted acquaintances on Facebook because I was sick of seeing them plan and do things together without me. When I had my daughter two years ago I was going to this mom group and it was terrible. No one would talk to me. They'd do stuff and not tell me and then I would sit at home and see the Facebook pictures and cry. When I went to activities they planned they would talk about other outings they've had that I wasn't there for. I've stopped going to these kind of things. I had one person who I would hang out with but since she's become a mom now too she is so annoying. She's always comparing her kid to mine and criticizing my parenting. My brain is telling me to yell SHUT UP. But I don't. I just sit there and listen to her talk about herself. I had another friend and she moved away and I miss her lots.

I'm so lonely. I stay home with my fiancé and daughter. But sometimes I need a girl friend. Which I don't have anymore.

Do I accept the loneliness? I wish I knew how.


Don't worry. You'll eventually get used to it. While there was nothing like Facebook and the Internet while my brothers and I were growing up, mom was strictly an isolationist. If she didn't approve of our activities (which was often), we were not allowed to participate, in any way, shape, or form.


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Justinw728
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18 Nov 2014, 7:11 am

I just got used to it. It sucks though now cause im a lone ranger, but i have an amazing gf and a bestfreind i talk to consecutively and thats all i really need. But i have alot of acquaintances that need to be talked to also just because either i hate feeling like an ass or we are working together. I usually go about getting made at fb differently though i delete my facebook lol. I really feel like you should say f the facebook and go out with your family and make memories for fb and im sure you'll meet interesting peoplee. Be happy please :)



defaultlost89
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18 Nov 2014, 12:39 pm

Being lonely is not new but I feel as I get older and see others being social so easily, I feel sad. I end up obsessing over the thought and make plans about how I could be social. I never follow through because the idea scares me.
But that's right, I need to focus on family. That's more important to me than anything.



Nambo
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18 Nov 2014, 2:40 pm

Dump the fiance and the daughter for a while, maybe 36 years, that's how long I have lived totally alone, then take them back, you will be so in ecstasy at having your own family for company that you will realise how lucky you are and that whilst having a "girlfriend" would be fun, its not enough to make you feel negative about what you do have right now.



Justinw728
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18 Nov 2014, 8:16 pm

defaultlost89 wrote:
Being lonely is not new but I feel as I get older and see others being social so easily, I feel sad. I end up obsessing over the thought and make plans about how I could be social. I never follow through because the idea scares me.
But that's right, I need to focus on family. That's more important to me than anything.


I suck at keeping plan cause im lazy but trust me if u actually and make them and follow through depending on the people(Youll be surprise wat u experience with certain people) you will have funn and enjoy and f the assholes and yess your family is your foundation and also links to other interesting people :)



1024
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24 Nov 2014, 3:20 pm

I don't have a solution, just some ideas.

It may help to define what exactly you would like in a friendship: so that you don't desire a kind of interaction that makes others happy, but which you wouldn't actually enjoy (but makes you want to scream shut up).

About when others plan things without you: In my group of acquitances (university mates), when they organized a get-together or something, for a long time I automatically assumed that I was not invited. One time one of them casually invited me, and from then on I was naturally invited to these things. Most likely I could've asked to join much earlier and welcomed. So sometimes you can probably ask if you can join in these situations.
Of course it's tricky because if you are not welcome, you may be seen as trying to force yourself on them. If they are making personalized invites, it is probably not a good idea. But if, for example, someone starts talking to nearby people (or facebook friends in general) about planning an activity, it's probably OK to ask.


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BlueAbyss
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24 Nov 2014, 3:43 pm

When I worked, I had work friends, but we didn't see each other outside of work (well, very rarely, like once a year or less), and since retiring I have lost touch with lots of people. I don't feel the need usually to have friends, but there are days when I desperately wish I had someone to talk to, usually when my spouse and I aren't getting along, and the one person besides him that I might talk to is my sister, but I don't want her to get resentful of him, so I keep it all to myself. Mostly, though, I'm used to this non-friend status. I have my cats, and I love them dearly. They give me a lot of comfort.

I don't accept the loneliness, it just happens seldom enough that I can endure it. Then it passes, and I feel really good having my time to myself for the most part, not feeling obligated to maintain friendships that I never really figured out how to, or wanted to, in the first place.


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24 Nov 2014, 5:16 pm

Not easily for, I'm often reminded of such be it in the workplace or among family members therefore, I simply try to find some sort of serenity..


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