Boyfriend taking advantage of my parents

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So my parents allowed my boyfriend to live at their house (with me) while we work and save up to move out. I've been living at home for the passed 5 years (had to move back after running out of money). So he got a job and all they asked of us was to save the money. But he smokes cigarettes and he thinks that every time he goes into a store he has to come out with a Rockstar energy drink or a soda. And that adds up. Along with buying an xbox behind my parents' back and buying me a $300 camera (that I didn't ask for) for Christmas. We should have had $2,000 saved up by now and we should have already moved out. But he just acts like it's a joke. It's like he doesn't take it seriously. And his family makes the situation even worse because they are also horrible with their money, they have zero savings and all the money they get they literally spend on CRAP. Junk food that they throw away, cigarettes that they don't smoke the whole thing of. His mom gets her house paid for by the government and didn't tell his dad so that she would get the money and be able to spend it on more s**t. She called once acting like there was an emergency when really my boyfriends sister didn't save up enough money to go hunting. The mom didn't ask for money outright but my boyfriend ended up wanting to give her some and I am totally NOT okay with that because of the fact that I know for a fact that they spend literally ALL their f*****g money on s**t!! ! They even send us some of it in the mail. They're always sending us candy and stuff when they don't have any savings or anything and he has told me that his dad always asks for money and I'm not okay at all with that. Cause they make it seem like not having spending money is an emergency. It pisses me off so much. And on top of this his mother also gets pain pills (morphine, tramodol (sp?) and percocet) for free and then sells them and she's got her kids addicted to them. She calls every f*****g day. And now she's asking my boyfriend if he's sad cause he has to REALLY save his money now or we'll get kicked out and it will be evident that he cares more about buying Rockstars and having cigarettes than being with me.

He has told me that when he was living away from home before his dad would always ask for money. He wanted to give his sister money and he wanted to give his mom money when they know that he's here living for free and they don't even consider that. They don't seem to care or acknowledge the financial sacrifices (whether small or big) that my parents have made to let him stay here. His parents don't have any savings so that means down the road they will most likely be asking for more money.

I have to sit down and talk to him about now I'm not okay at all with giving his family money. And I think that they will try lying (making up a real emergency) in order to get spending money from us. I think that if he can't save (with my help on top of his will) then it must mean he doesn't care that much or doesn't take this situation seriously at all.

Any ideas of what I should say to him to soften the blow? I really feel like one of these days I'm going to explode and outright say that I hate his family and I know that will make him sad.

Well, it is his money so you can't control what he does with it and you certainly can't control how his family spends their money. But maybe you can convince him to save more without accusing him of wasting his money ( that would likely just anger him).

Okay... forget the cash. If you continue to care about this dude by the time you've read my post, tell him to go cold turkey on the sugarcoated alkaloid stimulants before they render him a cold turkey personally. Same goes for your family. Seems to me the money troubles would practically evaporate if everyone made a pact to get healthier in the real world.

The deal was with my parents to work and SAVE money. He has just thrown it out the window.

I guess I should just phrase it as "using money"?

It's true. I'm not confident in my abilities of getting them to be healthier though. I told him that smoking comes out to $168/mo, "Just think of all the cool things you can buy that won't disappear (hopefully) like cigarettes!" I do understand that when you've been smoking cigarettes for a long time it's hard quitting.

I always thought to myself that I never wanted to tell someone what to do with their money cause I myself am not that great with money but this situation is about us being able to stay together and that's my goal and I can stick to a goal.

Tell everybody you'll bonk the nicoteine out of them with a rolled up newspaper if you have to. This IS your family after all. I've done this for friends and myself before! It's actually really amusing...

His family are the ones that smoke.

My parents are the ones letting us live with them to save and move out.

Well just your boyfriend then. Trust me on this, it's a great way to releive stress & show healthy concern for somebody all at once. I used to smoke a bit & this is exactly what I did. Haven't touched that rubbish in years!

I must devise a plan.

i don't think it says anything about whether he cares about you or not. you both just have very different views of what money is for. i don't think you can change him. if you stay together, you will be having this argument forever.

Reading your post offended my sense of chivalry, but you're not asking for life advice.
I think the best way to approch it would be to put together 2 budgets.

A. Room for ciggarettes/crap with a moderate savings.

B. More frugal without wasted spending that maximizes savings.

have numbers there to back your point and perspective, (Example: B. "will have us moved out 2 months faster than A.etc") and make it clear that this is important to "you" don't use the word "us" because you guys are clearly not on the same page with this.
(Example:
Good: "the way we live now is really bothering me"
Bad : "this is really important for us")

Also don't be afraid to get your parents involved if need be, the idea of living under an overpass can be a powerful modivator.

Well, your boyfriend is who he is... and it appears he's a dude who prefer to waste his money on stupid crap (and who merrily lets his family mooch off of him).

Assume it won't change. Because it is very, very unlikely to -- especially as he has no interest in changing.

Your options are:
1) accept him as he is
2) dump him.

(If it was me? I'd go with #2).

question. is it consideres stupid crap cause hes poor? if he was middle class and already had a house would it still be considered stupid crap?

I personally have a hard time with saving for a future that might not ever happen and not enjoying my life now, vs enjoying life now but if something happens not prepared.

this is something a lot of preppers do, spend all their lives preparing for the future that life passes them buy.

in case of the op. he really needs to cut back to save. I wouldn't buy expensive things when I need to save for a apartment.

If you're living with someone's parents in order to save up for an apartment, pretty much anything that isn't food, medicine and transportation (to/from work) is unnecessary spending.

And, I, personally, don't feel comfortable spending on much of fun-but-unnecessary stuff (eating out, vacations, etc) unless I've got a 6 months living expenses emergency fund + $1500 in a "planned spending" account (for car repairs, a new winter coat, etc. stuff that's expensive, inevitable and but not exactly an "emergency").

I'd have a serious talk with him.

If it's unwilling or unable to change these habits, I'd strongly consider breaking up with him as you know that life is going to be more of the same & your finances as a couple are never going to be very good. But that's me - maybe you're so in love with everything else that he is that you can accept being perpetually poor because of his spending habits and the fact that he gives money to his family. Personally, I wouldn't put up with that.