Do you or did you guys know about flirting signals?

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Tigurinn
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09 Jan 2015, 3:50 pm

I didn't know whether to put this here or in the social skills section ...so, sorry about that - and also, I'm sorry if this has been discussed to death here.

But this is a question for the guys (seeing as how girls seem to be born with the natural instinct to send out flirting signals to guys whom they like the looks of) - and is, did you know about flirting signals when you were a teen/young man? And if so, how old were you when you found out and how?

Also, I don't think us males are born with this knowledge ...but I've never seen any research into that.




(if you don't know flirting signals you really aren't cut out to answer - but for your future benefit I'll include this link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flirting#Types_of_flirting)

Personally, I had no idea until a few years back when I read about it; and then when I picked up on very strong signals from a particular girl in my school (much stronger signals from her than previous girls after I had read about flirting signals), I learned the day after talking to her (through looking at her Facebook) that she was in a relationship and because I pretty much can't do what I think is morally wrong, I stayed well away from her. Which is why I think I went into a downward spiral and I frequently ignore all girls that I see definite signals from (and when I say frequently I mean always; as somehow my mind seems to think that it's just another girl in a relationship and somehow I become even more closed off than I am - and believe me, I'm very closed off as it is)



Asperick
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10 Jan 2015, 8:21 pm

There are "naturals" at reading female flirt signals but I don't think you'll find them on WP because that requires a high level of non-verable aptitude, I had to read up on it first like you.

As for the girl in highschool all women require continuel validaition of their attractiviness even if they are in relationships they have no plans on breaking.
This will sometimes be true of women sending you flirt signals, but you should still be walking up and saying hello if your getting signs. If you approch every women that's "flirting" with you about 1 in 3 will really be attracted to you, the others just want a quick ego boost.
I look at it as a win win, either you get her number/date, or you get to make her feel good about herself,your really spreading joy:).

( As an aside, if you start off with the goal of making her feel good about herself you're more likely to end up with the date)


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izzeme
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12 Jan 2015, 4:17 am

i have always been able to notice these signals, but untill about half a year ago, i interpreted them as "clear-cut agression"
It is only after conversations with my girlfriend that i realise those signals for what they really were.
now, finally RomCom movie scenes make sense as well; i always wondered why there was such emphasis on showing that the main characters hated or feared each other...



CynicalWaffle
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12 Jan 2015, 9:39 am

Yeah, but like I always say, flirting is not a good litmus test of if a woman is attracted to you.

For example, even though single women hate me because I'm a 26-year-old skinny, ugly, cynical Steely Dan lover, married women SEEM to love me because they flirt with me......a lot. But that doesn't really mean anything. I have other guy friends that this happens to as well. Chances are, if a woman is flirting with you, maybe 1 out of 100 will actually be interested



BetwixtBetween
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12 Jan 2015, 11:02 am

I was really hoping the link would be helpful, because I honestly can't tell when a guy is flirting with me most of the time.


Banter- But how do you know it isn't just fun conversation? I banter with my friends. And I have no intention of ever hopping into bed with any of the female ones or the gay ones.
Blowing a kiss- does anybody actually do this outside of an established romantic relationship?
Casual touches; such as a woman gently touching a man's arm during conversation- I can see how and why that would work, but I've seen it used between colleagues exiting a meeting who want a last word. I've also seen people with no romantic interest in each other use that same motion when delivering a joke.
Coyness, affectedly shy or modest, marked by cute, coquettish, or artful playfulness (e.g. pickup lines). But what if they're just shy? I have no clue how to be artfully playful, and I tend to get rather tongue-tied around guys I like.
Eye contact, batting eyelashes, staring, winking, etc. I'm terrible at eye contact. I'm way better than I was as a kid, but I'm still terrible at it. And I stare at all kinds of things for all kinds of reasons. I don't think I've ever seen anyone bat their eyelashes in real life. I thought that was just a cartoon character thing. I should ask a friend.
Flattery (regarding beauty, sexual attractiveness)- But sometimes people just give compliments. Sometimes if a friend looks down or is having a tough time, I'll give them a compliment. What would a compliment regarding my "sexual attractiveness" sound like? If a strange guy were to walk up to me and say my breasts looked great in that blouse, I'd cross the street to not be near them and grab a coat.
Footsie, a form of flirtation in which people use their feet to play with each other's feet. Sounds weird. No guy has ever tried that with me, and I think that's a good thing. Sounds like my shoes would get scuffed.
Giggling, or laughing encouragingly at any slight hint of intimacy in the other's behavior- But how do you know they're not just in the mood to joke around and laugh?
Imitating of behaviors (e.g. taking a drink when the other person takes a drink, changing posture as the other does, etc.) Wait...what? I've heard this used to get your boss to like you and trust you, so it makes a sort of sense. Hmmmm...must remember to try this on a guy I like some time.
Maintaining very short distance during casual talking.[/b] But there are geographic differences in how far people stand apart when conversing, and there are class differences in how far apart people stand when conversing, and there are urban vs. rural differences in how far apart people stand when conversing. How can you account for that? How can you be sure?
Online chat, texting, and other one-on-one and direct messaging services while hinting affection- Seriously, if you don't outright say "I like you" or "I love you," or "How about a date," that's going to be lost on me.
Protean signals, such as touching one's hair- I touch my hair whenever it falls in my face because I can't stand how it feels when it does that. I reset it back into a bun if too much of it falls out of place.
Sending notes, poems, or small gifts- Even I would get a clue from this. Except, what is a small gift? Are we talking about a coffee cup here, a new pen, or a box of chocolates. Because the box of chocolates would be more of a clue than a pile of post-its or something.
Singing specially selected love songs in presence of the person.- OK, even I might get a clue from a love song, but I've never had a guy attempt to flirt with me by singing a love song.
Smiling suggestively- How do you know they're not just happy, not just smiling?
Staging of "chance" encounters- How would I know it wasn't really chance?
Teasing- ???? I'm an adult woman. If a strange man were to tug my hair, I wouldn't just raise my hand and tell the teacher. I'd hold up a can of mace or threaten to sue or something. And if you call me names, that too will have the opposite effect of an aphrodisiac. I didn't like it in grade school, and I don't like it now.
Tickling- If a guy I barely know or don't know at all comes up to me and starts tickling me, he's going to get something thrown at him. Not OK. This one's only OK in an established romantic relationship.
Winking- - How do I know they don't just have something in their eye?
Eyebrow raising- But people in books and movies and on TV do that all the time when they're questioning something.



bryanmaloney
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12 Jan 2015, 11:27 am

Nope, no clue. Funny thing, though, I do seem to have been able to parlay the whole "brilliant and clueless awkward guy" thing rather well when it comes to attracting feminine attention.



Echolalia
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13 Jan 2015, 12:06 am

Ooops! I stare at people all the time I'm not attracted to in the least. 8O And I pretty much take it for granted someone's just being weird if they stare at me. :oops:


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15 Jan 2015, 4:57 pm

Quote:
seeing as how girls seem to be born with the natural instinct to send out flirting signals to guys whom they like the looks of


Not us spastastic Aspergirls.


I know about flirting signals in the same way I know about the Russian language- I've heard of it, I've even heard it spoken, but I can't speak or understand a word of Russian.


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Tim_Tex
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15 Jan 2015, 6:50 pm

The difficult thing with trying to decipher flirting "signals" is that everybody is going to have their own way of flirting, and some signals may not be obvious to the flirtee, because they are exclusive to that particular flirter.

Because of this, I am usually oblivious to flirting.


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Spiderpig
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15 Jan 2015, 6:52 pm

I’ve slowly learned to recognize any signal women send me as not flirting. This way, flirting signals are more and more narrowed down as those others receive but I don’t :idea:


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SpaceMaster9000
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17 Jan 2015, 2:57 pm

I guess a good way to tell if someone is interested in you is to observe how they act toward other people. For example, the thing about "smiling suggestively" is no help if you don't have a basis for how a person usually smiles. I suppose if they only tilt their head and raise their eyebrows in conjunction with smiling when they're talking to you, that could be flirting. Of course, staring is also on that list, so your watching them could be construed as flirting. Watch out for that.
I've rarely purposefully attempted flirting, but when I'm interested in someone (romantically or otherwise) I watch and pay extra attention to them. I'm also more comfortable with close physical proximity and eye contact because I don't think that they'll hurt me or become angry with me.
To make things easier for everyone, I tell people who I think I'll be around often that I have aspergers and I explain that subtleties will go right over my head. My assumption is that people who communicate clearly will work better with me anyway and we'll be together longer.



Holmesian
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17 Jan 2015, 9:36 pm

I can't flirt. I can't tell if I'm being flirted with (at?), either.

TRUE STORY: a friend and I were at Slutwalk and some random guy comes over. This happens.

Guy: You look good.

Me: Thanks. (Trying not to make eye contact, frantically trying to recall 'strange guy in public' conversation)

Guy: Did I say something wrong?

Me: No! No, it's fine. I'm a shut in! You just startled me. Sorry. Yes. 8)

Guy leaves, friend goes, 'he was trying to flirt with you.' I go, 'TELL ME THESE THINGS WHEN THEY'RE HAPPENING.'

Yeah. Can't flirt, can't tell. I give up.


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17 Jan 2015, 10:37 pm

I wouldn't have known that a woman was flirting with me unless she "flashed" me.

That's how I met my first wife.


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17 Jan 2015, 10:45 pm

I do not and never likly will.


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PerfectlyDarkTails
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17 Jan 2015, 10:50 pm

Fnord wrote:
I wouldn't have known that a woman was flirting with me unless she "flashed" me.

That's how I met my first wife.
Hmm... What does this "flashed" mean where you are... As being "flashed" over here means girls revealing their breasts off.. The phrase "flashing their tits off" springs to mind as local lingo...


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