To Disclose or Not to Disclose: that is the question
11 Jan 2015, 10:27 am
It's been about six months since I've posted on this forum, and I've come back to let you know that I'm not dead.
I also have some updates.
1) My grandpa FINALLY admits to the family he has an AS diagnosis. A grand total of no one is surprised. I also find out my hubby was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid and his parents never told him. They're the brilliant but clueless type. They were expats in a small foreign country where psychology wasn't a thing, and the visiting psychologist who had diagnosed him left before she was able to treat him. So his idiot parents just shrugged and forgot about it.
Now my and my husband's family tree are LITTERED with ASD. Our kids are going to be so screwed!!
My tree (what I know of, all maternal side)
Great grandma had hardcore ASD according to everyone who knew her including my grandpa.
Grandpa has a confirmed diagnosis, Grandma is super NT.
Uncle (their son) has a confirmed diagnosis, Mom and aunt are NT
I have a confirmed diagnosis, brother and sister are NT.
My cousin (aunt's sister) has all the aspie traits except the social issues. Everyone thinks it's because she has an NT twin who taught her from birth. She's the only person in my family I really click with, so that checks out pretty well too.
None of us cousins have kids yet.
My hubby:
His dad definitely has ASD, but refuses to get diagnosed. IMO he's the most obvious diagnosis I've ever come across.
None of his three kids from his previous marriage has ASD.
His mom is pretty weird. BAPPY, but I wouldn't say ASD. She could though.
My hubby has ASD (not confirmed, but obvious to both of us - soon to be assessed - he just started seeing a therapist, YAY!).
None of my hubby's sibs kids has ASD although I don't know them well at all. I know one of his nephews who could be proto-aspie, but I don't think he's full on ASD.
Any kid we have, well, I'd be surprised if they're NT. I'm thinking we just shouldn't have a kid, period. My parents and his parents went through hell with us. IDK if hubster and I have the patience to deal.
Hubby FINALLY got a job after 2 years of looking. it's a good job too, one that's in front of a computer that requires no socializing, so that's good. It's in a very aspie friendly area (mapmaking) and his colleagues are nice so he's happy there. For now, anyway.
As most of you know I got kicked out of medical school. "Asked to leave." For aspie reasons, of course - poor teamwork skills, poor professionalism (wtf does that even mean?) and a lot of other random arbitrary stuff. They just wanted to get rid of me is what I'm saying. I'm applying to graduate schools, in Masters of Public Health programs, in the US. I want to help individuals with ASD, but I'm unsure whether disclosing would help or harm. I heard it would harm because aspies are known to be hard to deal with, and people would avoid it if they could. My therapist (same guy I mentioned in my last post, he's awesome!!) told me that I should have an experiment - disclose to some schools but not others. Since I have two safeties, two matches, and two reaches, he thinks I should disclose to one of each, preferably the one that deals most with ASD research. What do you all think?
Sorry for the super-long post. It's hard to pack six months of updates into one.
11 Jan 2015, 11:41 am
May the Bard forgive me ...
Whether 'tis Nobler in the mind to suffer
The Slings and Arrows of outrageous Fortune,
Or to take Arms against a Sea of troubles,
And by opposing, end them? To die, to sleep -
No more; and by a sleep, to say we end
The Heart-ache, and the thousand Natural shocks
That Flesh is heir to? 'Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep,
To sleep, perchance to Dream; Aye, there's the rub,
For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause. There's the respect
That makes Calamity of so long life:
For who would bear the Whips and Scorns of time,
The Oppressor's wrong, the proud man's Contumely,
The pangs of despised Love, the Law’s delay,
The insolence of Office, and the Spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his Quietus make
With a bare Bodkin? Who would these Fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovered Country, from whose bourn
No Traveler returns, Puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have,
Than fly to others that we know not of.
Thus Conscience does make Cowards of us all,
And thus the Native hue of Resolution
Is sicklied o'er, with the pale cast of Thought,
And enterprises of great pitch and moment,
With this regard their Currents turn awry,
And lose the name of Action. Soft you now,
The fair Ophelia. Nymph, in all thy Orisons
Be thou all my sins remembered.
Be prepared for backlash if you disclose. Right now, people may think of you only as 'eccentric' or 'weird'; but if you disclose, they may think of you (at worst) as a ticking time-bomb, waiting to go off, or (at best) as mentally ret*d, easily ignored.
I chose to not disclose, but someone at work found out (I think it was that fat slob in the Network department), and now my co-workers take me less seriously than before, in spite of the fact that I have earned more degrees and licenses than any of them.
_________________
11 Jan 2015, 3:31 pm
The problem here is that it's going to depend on more details. I disclose. I disclosed in an interview and got a higher starting salary partially because of it (being autistic made me more able to do the job, it was worth paying me more if I could do it better.)
Why do you want to disclose? Why not? Do you want to disclose because you think you'd be better at doing autism research?
What benefit is there for you to disclosing while applying? Sometimes there is one, sometimes you should wait and disclose later.
Have a reason to do so, if you do so. Either one could be the proper decision, just know why you are if you're doing so.
I would. I'd also explain what being autistic has meant, how I interact with the world differently, how I interact with those I work with differently, why it is useful to have people who approach things differently, how I've pushed myself through challenges that others cannot imagine and succeeded anyways.
Others might choose to never disclose.
Many, choose to not disclose in an application, and to eventually, when they're accepted somewhere, ask for accommodations.
It's up to you.
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