Mental disorders (esp. PDD) and marriage, having offspring

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What do you think about the question of marriage and having children by people with ASD and similar problems?

"Do you think that people with AS(D)/PDD should not have children?" This question may look "scary" or "incorrect" or even rude, but I am interested about opinions of various people in this topic. ASDs appear to be quite highly heritable I read about parents with ASD (especially women) and children often have ASD symptoms. I definately do not want to give my children serious problems in life because of my genes or mental disorders.

Here is a text about parents with AS:

http://www.myaspergerschild.com/2010/09/parents-with-asperger-syndrome.html

What do you think about having a marriage and children by people with something called "nonverbal learning disorder"? Is it heritable? I want to know examples of parents who have "NLD".

I don't think you can make a blanket statement about people with any neurology having children or not.

An ASD diagnosis alone doesn't tell you whether or not a person is capable of caring for a child -- whether or not they would or wouldn't make a good parent. (Or spouse.)

As for passing down autism? Again, I don't think you can make a blanket statement about it. There is no single valid perspective on the issue, because there are many different experiences of life all over the spectrum.

I personally wouldn't pass on having kids just in case they might be autistic, as I don't think autism automatically condemns a person to a life of joyless suffering.

your question creates a double negative statement situation. You might want to make it more clear.

I believe some people on the Spectrum would make good parents. Some will not.

I believe some "NT's" would make good parents. Some will not.

I'm 54, and I have no kids--probably for a good reason.

I believe I've grown up enough, though, to believe my child would benefit, at this point, if I were his/her father.

I do not know what I have exactly and how genetic it is in origin. For me it looks quite like something which is misnamed as "nonverbal learning disorder" - I have dominance of verbal thinking (unlike "stereotypical" people with ASD) and I am poor in classically technical tasks, I have serious problems with nonverbal communication, some clumsiness and suppose mild visual-spatial deficits). "NLD" appears to be not (so) genetic as "classical" ASD.

I suppose that my problems may be significantly related to low birth weight. Siblings of my father had birth weight above 3000 g and have Master's Degree. Father and mother had 2800 g and have no higher education (even I have ). My sister had 2650 g and is somewhat similar to me, she should have genes of both parents who have relatively low birth weight (2800 g). I had 2150 g, but my brother 3600 g and is "normal" for me, other than me and sister. Interesting. Maybe it is somewhat genetic?

I might be more afraid of descendants of high-functioning (even better functioning than me) people with classical AS(D) because it appears to be pretty genetic condition

Some people with autism should have children, others shouldn't, others should wait longer until they do.

It's all about being ready for the responsibilities. People are ready at different ages, and others aren't ready, and are better at doing things that aren't raising children.

I also think that everyone - autistic or not - aren't ready for children, until they also plan on the possibility of having a disabled child. I want children, but won't have any until I think I can take on the stress, not only of a child, but one that is disabled.

I am not so responsible now, I have fear of responsibility and being punished. I do not like suffering. I am childish and not so mature. I do not know what genes I would pass to my children. I do not want to enlarge the possibility of having child with illness or disability.

Animal Crackers summed it up very well. Another thing to remember is that kids don't spring out as little mini me/you and the genes that present themselves can be from a larger pool than you realize. In the end, you're raising very individual people and there's not control over who they are. We just try to guide them well to adulthood.

I think that I am not able to have children, at least now, because of my "immaturity". If I would have markedly increased risk of having children with ASD, I think that it may be something wrong or even immoral when I decide to procreate despite it. Aspies, even gifted ones, have not so easy in life despite their positive traits.

Hard truth is that people with ASD "tend to be" problematic for other people around them Some "normal" people might think about them as "stupid ones", "poor handicapped people", "ret*ds", "morons", "idiots", "trashes", "no-hopers" or worse. It is not good. They might see someone who is disabled and "not useful". In school these people are "ideal" victims of bullies.

I may have problems in contacts with "normal"people. If my children would be NT, I may look for them as a "kook". If they would have ASD, they may be "a "problem" to the rest of society baceause many people may think about them as "worthless trashes", "stupid idiots", "disabled ret*ds" etc. They may commit immoral deeds because of the presence of them. For me it is easier to be an Aspie in my living place than to be a healthy NT in war zone (for example in Syria) or in poor African village... Comfort of living is also very important thing. Many people with ASD have cognitive disorders and painful or dangerous sensory symptoms. But Asperger's appears to be better than serious somatic disease (such as cancer).

Though I cannot be certain of it - I think my mother who passed away in 1997 probably had undiagnosed Asperger's. I would say that in her case - if that was the case - having an ASD did quite negatively affect her parenting abilities. Although she came from a middle to upper middle class background she clearly did not have a clue about the normal duties of a parent. She would send us to school dirty and unkempt without the slightest notion that she was doing anything wrong. Although she was certainly raised by people who would have never dreamed of doing that and none of her brothers or sisters would have ever dreamed of doing that. When teachers would let her know about problems with myself or my brother - she never once connected that this should be of any concern to her or that is was assumed that she should be involved in trying to correct any problems. She really just didn't know. I would have to add that it was by no means a lack of intelligence. She was actually quite well read and followed world affairs quite closely.

I'm sure not saying at all that every parent with an Autism Spectrum Disorder is like that. But, the ability to understand non-specifically stated rules of society and social expectations is certainly one of those things that all of us who have any degree of autism experience. In some cases that might be more of an asset than a liability. In other cases it is a parenting impairment.

My mentality does not want to have the wife who is not an Aspie. I am fascinated in Aspies. Non-Aspie wife may look as not interesting and alien to me. Marriage of two Aspies appear to be very cute thing for my mentality. But I do not want to be married at all. My grandmother "does not like" my plan of spending entire life in celibacy. I was "strongly" heterosexual since childhood. My mentality do not want other children than Aspies.

I was able to talk and walk when my father was on my current age. He had the wife, a child, driving licence, was in the army but had not higher education - I am the opposite. Now I have to get medication and I am diagnosed with Asperger syndrome and schizotypal disorder. I still live with my parents. I have to commute to school (I am on the second stage of Master Degree studies, second semester is really unpleasant for me).

I don't think there's any definitive answer to this. It's very hard to predict whether a child will be happy and healthy or not.

You mention marriage - I think that's entirely up to the couple. If you like marriage and you really think you can make it work, go for it.

As a parent, I have decreasing tolerance for this topic (which pops up regularly around here). There is some relevant discussion that can be had about this issue regarding what sorts of things we, as individuals, should consider when making the decision on whether or not to have children. But more often, these threads seem to devolve into justifications for why it's OK for non-parents to judge ASD parents for their decisions, or worse yet, whether or not there should be laws passed to remove their right to make those decisions. It's offensive and ignorant.

Does having ASD make it harder to be a good parent sometimes? Absolutely. But so does being poor, or physically handicapped, or a million other things. Saying someone shouldn't have kids because they have ASD is every bit as offensive as saying they shouldn't have kids because they don't make enough money, or because they're in a wheelchair.