cold-hearted emotionless aspies make sh*tty parents.

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catsarenice
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13 Mar 2007, 1:35 am

This is my story.... I'm in my mid 20s now and need to move on from thinking about this crappy life and feeling bad for myself, so I thought maybe telling my story would help with that...

I had NT brothers and aspie parents, some how I ended up being an aspie. Between the ages of about 4 and 15, I was beaten every day. My NT siblings would pick on me a lot, and after I got pissed off enough, I'd yell "cut it out" or "stop it", then they'd fake-cry so my parents would get mad at me. They even laughed silently or made that evil smile while I was getting beaten by my parents. This happened about 5x a day. I think my NT siblings did that because I would always want to sit there and read my books instead of paying attention to them. Sometimes my parents would super-flip out because they couldn't stand me anymore even though it wasn't me, and beat me so much that it would take a month for the bruises to go away.
Around the age 7 or 8, I got diabetes, but it went undiagnosed until I started losing my vision around the age of 19 because they would never take me to a doctor. Diabetes on top of aspergers made it hard for me to learn things or get motivated to do anything for that matter.
A year later I got arthritis in every joint in my body, and when I asked for help or talked about it, all I got was yelled at when all I really wanted was a hug. To this day I still don't have any money or insurance to pay for drugs to treat either condition.
A few weeks before my last birthday a friend of mine with bi-polar killed himself because he couldn't take dealing with bi-polar anymore. I felt really bad and needed some support but got yelled at again, when all I needed was a hug. On my birthday my other friends and I were too depressed to even hang out that day, and my parents came and told me what a burden I've been all my life. I waited until about 3 am, took my car out, with my heart set on driving onto oncoming traffic and just ending it. I realized while driving that I couldn't do this because my friends really need me, so I rammed some SUV that was parked on the side of the road and then got out and started punching the hell out of it, then went home after the pain in my fist was too much to bear.

I'm not looking for sympathy or anything, because I realize I'm just a worthless piece of sh*t. (but not as much as my parents and other aspies that have similar traits as my parents).

I don't have a lot of money but I hope to [whatever higher force you believe in, if any] that no other kid has to put up with what I had to, so much that If you are an aspie in a reliationship and can't afford condoms, I'd be willing to do whatever it takes to scrounge up some money for you to get them.



sunnycat
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13 Mar 2007, 1:46 am

yeah...it's sad...that aspies are prone to being poor at parenting...
I think my father is an aspie...and it was very difficult for me too...Now that I am aware of my AS, and that I am aware that it could be devestating for kids, I look for means to prepare myself for future parenting...I think there could be room for improvement... If aspies really work on it...I'd like to believe that they can be decent parents...



Erlyrisa
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13 Mar 2007, 3:10 am

Aspies as parents,,,not so great....but some aspie parents can be even better....hopefully you will be.

and

with some luck

forgive ur parents



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13 Mar 2007, 3:59 am

:D

I think Jesus said,

sometHing to the effect of,

if your family is against you...leave them.

or something like that.

Now, I am not a christian, but, I know hearing a good thing.
Release yourself from their perceptions. You are not obligated to be bound.

I've never had any money either and getting back to books in this situation is hard-but not impossible, just long and hard with a final relief. There are programs to help you-ESPECIALLY because you have been domestic violenced. Look into the college program called TRIO. Go to the welfare office and ASK about 'school' in you situation. Go to financial aid and ASK about funding in your situation. I had a kid so I was basically just streamlined funding, but so were all the felons and homeless and everyone else I was a barely step above from, but it is tough having a kid too-so,,,don't get pregnant.

I was abused with siblings. I hear you.
Don't cause anymore major damage to others though, ok? That suv might have been bought from the blood of someone just like you, a survivor.

Medicine. There is no reason for you to suffer without. Walmart sells it's precriptions at an ungodly low price, there are many programs. In my town there is a church that has a free emergency clinic. Yes, having untreated diabetes and stage 3 arthritis falls here, because it is an emergency that you talk to someone who can give you some advice. Just go. Try.
It is your responsibility to EVENTUALLY stop wallowing in the pains that have been caused you. I know this is f*cked, but it is the way it is.

I think the hardest part to deal with when recovering from childhood ritual abuse is knowing that all of these other faces humans people were there 'looking on'. Well they were. But, when you dig deeper into understanding the nature of our attention deficit/superiority complexed society you will find that no one could have helped you if they tried, and that they will stand behind you once you reach a point of solid turning away-but not if you yourself don't believe it. I was surprised that while I was hanging on to bad family members because that is what I thought and was led to believe society expected, that I couldn't access MY society members until I was free and clear from the ongoing struggle.

Look at it like enlistment to a criminal gang. You are in until you are out and away and NO BODY is going to see it otherwise.

If an officer arrives at my door with a death notification of so and so--I have no tears, they were already shed as I lay in hunger and bruised needing a doctor--that sort of things.


HAVE NO MERCY!! !! !

Find yourself. Your Soul. It is only an illusion that she is controlled by others. You've as much right to exist as your constitution says you do--more so. You are the oppressed. Take what is yours. C'mon. We know you want it.


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SeaBright
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13 Mar 2007, 4:32 am

I can see why you have put this in the 'parents' discussion, but it might belong in the haven.

Some of your experience mirrors mine so I am going to write some more.

Your friend: I am so sorry that you had to live through that and that your friend could not find and keep the processes that would have maybe had him on the way to recovery... from whatever it was that had him leaving.

I gave my abusers 30 years of chances and forgiveness. I am not Jesus.
I hope you do not give them another 10 before you find yourSELF to the safest place possible.
I know this is against many's popular opinions on forgiveness and the like, but c'mon people-forgiveness does not equal sacrifice.

Generally,
those who would ask you to fogive and stay and be the families designated kickbag have kicked a few themselves, or have never been kicked. It is like saying do not kill in self defense even if it is the only option for your surviving the man with the knife to your throat. Old politics.

What do YOU want. YOU are America. I am assuming this is where you are.

I'd HUG YOU, but we've only just met :twisted: and you probably experience disgust with strangers hugging you and the like. But, I wish that you had people around you giving you the quality of life that this country prides itself on. It is a tragedy if we say that this kind of family is the American family. It is a tragedy to protect this kind of experience. Animals get better treatment.

Am I nailing the head on any of this???

:wink:

You take care of you--and DONT LET EM SEE YOU SWEAT.

running is helpful.


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CockneyRebel
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13 Mar 2007, 7:43 am

I'm too much of a gritter to have kids. They'd probably end up being rebellious Punks like me.



SeaBright
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13 Mar 2007, 9:27 am

and this is baby router...see... :D


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MishLuvsHer2Boys
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13 Mar 2007, 1:09 pm

I'm a mother with Asperger's Syndrome of an autistic son and a possible PDD-NOS/AS son and everyone always comments how great a mom I am considering the challenges at times faced by all three of us.

I'm sorry your parents were like they were and that you feel that way but not all of us parents on the spectrum have completely poor parenting skills and are poor parents that are abusive and all. It's rather unfair to make generalized statements for that as it puts those of that honestly do work hard at being good parents look as bad as others.



wendytheweird
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13 Mar 2007, 5:05 pm

My dad beat me a lot, I am an aspie, and I am not a bad parent. I don't spank my kids, let alone beat them. People tell me all the time what a great job I am doing with my kids. I have even had people ask me if I would be interested in babysitting b/c they like my parenting style so much. I am babysitting 2 children, but on different days. I could never handle having a home daycare. 1 extra kid at a time is fine, and I think it's good for my 1 nt son to be around other "normal" children. My 2 aspie children are the ones who are mean and violent. I know they don't realize they are, so I'm not hard on them, I just calmly explain why what they did was wrong and talk them through better ways they might have handled the situation. I know my limitations and I am a good parent. I don't think it's vey nice to say generally that aspies make terrible parents. But I don't take offense at your post because I am neither cold-hearted nor emotionless.



javajunkie80
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13 Mar 2007, 6:15 pm

I'm sorry that you've have so many bad experiences in your life.
I too had a horrible childhood, although generally I don't talk about it because I've had years of therapy am technically 'over it'.

I also had a child at 19, and if tested, would probably get an AS diagnosis.
I *am* cold and emotionless a lot of the time. However, my AS child isn't. She is overly emotional, as I was as a child. She doesn't understand, gets frustrated, gets angry, and will cry and scream for God knows how long.
I've smacked her, and yelled at her. I would never ever beat her as badly as your parents did to you. I don't drink around her, or when I know I'll be around her soon. Some of us, even as teenagers, are good parents...or we try to be. We're not all horrible parents, doomed to fail and scar our kids emotionally, physically etc.

Having said that...you're very angry and I can fully understand where your venting came from.
I don't know what sort of counselling services are available in your area. In Australia we have Victims of Violence or something like that, and then we have free mental health clinics. I found my counsellor through Mental Health QLD and she is one of the most important people in my life, even though I haven't needed to see her in over a year now.

As for your friends...I know they need you...but right now you are more important. You are no good to them whilst depressed and angry...all you're doing is fueling each others depression and anger and one of you needs to stop that cycle and take a stand for yourself, get some help, and then maybe you'll be in a real position to help them. Misery loves company and all that, you know?

I hope you can find some help. I think some of the other suggestions, about Walmart medications etc. sound like something you should definitely look into. Chronic pain is often linked to depression so you might have to get some help for your physical being before you can start working on your emotional/inner one.

I think it's great that you posted though, because it might have been a wake-up call to some parents...it certainly has been for me, and I do try hard but there are areas that I could do better in.


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27 Mar 2007, 11:25 pm

Oh, dear, this is a sad story. From your siblings and parents agitating you to an extreme, to your friend committing suicide and your then your having the dramatic automobile accident, it sounds as if you've had it rough. I do hope things improve, and your advice and willingness to help out the youth by way of the following...

Quote:
I don't have a lot of money but I hope to [whatever higher force you believe in, if any] that no other kid has to put up with what I had to, so much that If you are an aspie in a reliationship and can't afford condoms, I'd be willing to do whatever it takes to scrounge up some money for you to get them.


is a tangent that I find both amusing and touching at the same time, and it probably has some story behind it, am I correct?

I love my parents but they have bothered me and continue to do so at times. My parents get angry, especially my dad, and it is bothersome for me because at times they become highly irrational in their arguing. For example, when my dad gets angry about one thing, I've noticed that it carries over into other things, which he'll begin to list. It's like he tries to pick out the things you've done wrong, in order to prove some point or make himself feel better (I haven't decided which). My mom is also emotional, but more subdued; and I think she doesn't have an accurate view of my life and will force me to go to events with my parents that are embarrassing, boring, and not really helpful towards the exaggerated social isolation she views me as having.

You're in your mid 20s now, so you're out of the house, right? In that case, look (as you probably have but me and others still living at home some or all of the time still need to do) on the bright side: you're out, possibly, for good.