Is it ethical for us to have children?

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Please don't take this the wrong way. I know even asking the question may anger some of you so I want to make it clear that I'm not trying to start a flame war. This is meant to be a very civil and nice discussion. If I may lay down a couple ground rules...

1. Please don't swear. It doesn't add anything to the discussion.
2. Please don't direct any degrading or insulting comment toward ANY other user.
3. Use constructive criticism. If you disagree with what someone says, explain why you disagree... don't just bash them or tell them that they're wrong.

Please, please make extra effort to stay civil in this thread.

I've thought for awhile about the genetic factor for AS. I've pondered if I should or shouldn't have children if I ever got married. I'm not even diagnosed (I may not have AS at all)... but supposing that I was diagnosed would it be better to adopt children because my genes are bad? Now, again I'm not trying to make people angry, but the question could apply to everyone on here.

I'm only 18... marriage seems kind of far out in my life, but it's certainly good to be thinking about it.

It's like this... I feel that I would hate myself if I got married, had a kid, and he was autistic (or has Asperger's) because I KNOW that I may have AS (and I play to seek an evaluation soon) and I KNOW that autism is genetic so I would KNOW that there's a high risk.

I could easily raise children of my own through adoption. There's nothing wrong with adoption. It's a great alternative. So would the ethical thing to do be adopt because I would have the joy of raising children without risk of passing on autism genes?

I'm making this post too personal and I know that... I'm trying to use my own ponderings and thoughts as an example really. I just want you guys to do a philosophical take on it... try to leave me out of the discussion. Talk about yourselves. I'd love to here your thoughts.


What is your guys' take on it?

I'm 27 and just can't see myself as father at all. I know who I am and this is not what any child will need especially in his young ages.

There are many people with ASDs who are parents and are successful at it.

I, myself, have no kids at age 54. I have mixed feelings about that. I'm not sure I have the maturity level to be a good dad. I think I'm getting close, though.

I don't think it's unethical.

It is ethical for autistic people to have kids.

In fact, I'd rather have autistic kids than the neurotypical kind. I don't want kids in general, but if I did I'd want to be able to relate to them. If I had a neurotypical kid I'd probably ignore it after ensuring that it is properly dressed and fed.

Autistic people might be the ideal parents for autistic kids. They already know about sensory sensitivities, social troubles, all that sort of thing. Autistic children of parents diagnosed in the nineties and noughties may be in an enviable situation.

I have two children. One Aspie, one NT. I love them both equally. I don't see one as being any more advantaged or disadvantaged than the other. They are both unique people with their own strengths and weaknesses.
Yes, autism may be genetic, but so is breast cancer, cystic fibrosis, haemophilia, Alzheimer's disease, congenital heart disease, muscular dystrophy, sickle-cell anaemia, large ears, ugliness - where does it stop?
Maybe no one should have children.
At least you know what you might be dealing with.

I have a few different thoughts on this subject.

1. I think that many in this community oppose research into in vitro testing for ASD on the basis that it could lead to euthanasia of autistic fetuses, which they find unethical. This position seems to me to be logically inconsistent with the position that it would be unethical to intentionally conceive of a child that you deemed at high risk for ASD because of your own genetics. There may be some loopholes you could find there, but in general I would think if you think autistic people have a right to not be prevented from being born simply because of their neurotype, then those ethics apply to both circumstances.

2. In my experience raising a kid is the most demanding thing I have ever done. It taxes all of your functioning limits to their absolute limit and then some. I have suffered some pretty severe burnout/regression since the birth of my son that I have not yet recovered from 2 years later. I think most people underestimate how demanding parenthood can be before they dive into it, but that goes doubly so for parents on the spectrum. If you're already living at or near the limit of what you're able to cope with on a day to day basis, it's a factor that deserves extra consideration before you decide to add a child to that.

3. I am diagnosed because I have a child on the spectrum. It's a strange experience witnessing your own quirks and idiosyncricities from third person, expressed in this tiny little pseudo copy of yourself. It puts a lot of questions about what is "normal" into stark relief. I understand myself and my own neurotype better through my son, and I hope that I will be able to do the same thing for him. My own condition gives me a unique perspective on how to meet his needs as well. And I hope that it will make me a better advocate for him as he grows.

I never even gave thought to fathering an Aspie child. I inherited my bipolar from my maternal grandfather, and as such, I would never want to have children out of fear of passing what I have onto them. Had I just had Asperger's, I don't think I would have the same hesitations...Asperger's has its difficulties, but they can be dealt with easier than bipolar.

Deep down I'm an anti-natalist (I think it's immoral to bring a new life into the world). My partner and I plan to adopt.

I don't think it's any more wrong for autistic people to reproduce than it is for anyone else.

When I was depressed (most of my life) I used to think I should never have kids so as not to burden them with whatever it is about me that makes me this way. (didn't realize my diagnosis until a couple years ago)

But now that I'm a lot happier healthier person, I think if I had kids they'd be fine and I'd do fine raising them. I'm good with kids. That's why I'm Godfather to a few.


Also, if I had my own bio-kids and they did have ASD tendencies, they might just turn out to be wicked-good little engineers or something. Gotta think about the positives and what you might be denying the world by not having kids, imo.

_________________
No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

So what would be the situation OP if you adopted children who then turned out to be on the spectrum? Send them back like defective goods?

I had two boys, one NT and one with aspergers. My two younger brothers, both NT's, had two children each. The oldest of the two had an NT and an apergers child. My youngest brother had an HFA and an NT. Both my parents are NT. I don't know about my brothers wives whether autism runs in their families but I know it doesn't in either of my parents families. I do know that mental disorders are spread throughout both my parents sides of the family. Ah the fun they've spread around by having children.

My personal position is that if you know you have a health issue that will likely pass on to your children, the responsible thing is to NOT have children of your own. That's how nature kept such matters in check, and our use of medicine and welfare programs only circumvents these natural checks on such conditions.

You can always adopt if you want a child to love and raise.

This world tends to prey on weaknesses, autism spectrum disorders will appear as an obvious weakness to most people, hence our frequent bullied histories and our struggles against other disorders that tend to come with it. We are bullied because we are easy targets, how can I look a child in the eyes and say "here, take my seat", after all I've been through? Hell no.

So no, I don't consider it ethical to have children. I just hate how we (humans) are so apt in passing on all of our sickness to the next generation in hopes that they will 'figure it all out', this side of humanity isn't even remotely restricted to us. who on this world would want to be born to ugly people? Would you have a child knowing that they will be missing a limb? That their disadvantage would make them easy pickings for a ravenous world? The thing that makes a parent and good and wise parent is the foresight to protect them from those kinds of situations, not to blindly have faith in some ideal utopia that the child will never inherit.

It's just a cruel part of reality. I don't mind being on the spectrum, but what I DO mind is being on the spectrum on this sick planet.

I think that autistics who refuse to breed, due to a fear that their autistic offspring will be bullied, are inadvertently collaborating with their oppressors.

I don't think you can assume that the world will get worse for autistics. Good things, like ASAN are happening. Bullying is seen as bad, anti-vaxers are ridiculed and the internet provides us with a platform to unite and condemn gross misjustices.

This is another reason why I'd want any hypothetical kids of mine to be autistic. So that I could raise them to be healthy and happy people, regardless of any cognitive or communication impairment. It would be my way of spiting those who hate autistics.

Still, if you were serious about having kids, you might want to ensure you have a strong support network in place. Family, friends, maybe the country you live in offers a baby bonus. They say it takes a village to raise a child, it would be good to have such a village.

It is ethical to have an autistic child. It is unethical to persecute or make things unnecessarily difficult for an autistic person, and those who do so are the ones in the wrong.