how to NOT compulsively pretend to be normal?

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The weird thing is schizophrenia is totally the opposite of autism









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I do the same thing. I seriously do not know how to turn it off; I'm not sure I if I could. I worked mighty hard to develop that compulsion. I might not get much pleasure out of interacting with people. Two hours of coffee and "mom-chat" with a person known to be "safe" might totally wipe me out. But at least there are people who want to interact with me.

I would turn off the terror that I'm going to make a mistake.

Then again, that would probably be called "getting too comfortable."

That would be a bad thing.

Wow,
I so relate to this post. I've worked so hard all my life to appear normal and it takes a profoundly huge amount of nervous energy. (I've written in other posts that my nervous system is chronically hyper-aroused causing all sorts of physical health problems.) This nervous energy seems to be the only thing that allows me to be focused/motivated.

My main model (of a 'normal female') in early life was my sister who is 8 years older. It's ironic coz I don't actually like her much. Anyway the point is, somehow, very early in life I started copying her and others - people on TV and movies quite a bit - because I sensed that if I was just myself I was unacceptable. This has been hugely important to me through my life and has only become conscious since I was diagnosed. There are good outcomes as well as plenty of bad ones, but I cannot just stop doing it. It's my armour I guess. I know I would appear quite odd to say the least if I could just drop it completely.

It's interesting because my brother and I are very similar, only he never developed this 'acceptable' persona. So I sort of get to look at what I would be like without it. Much less socially acceptable and much less stressed.
My psych says to just see if I can loosen it up a little bit, let go of some of it a little bit when I'm in a pretty safe social situation. Don't imagine I'm just going to be able to drop it all, all at once - or ever. That does work sometimes.
Thanks for this post.

Zel