The Pain of Fragmented Perception

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A lot of the time I have to look to past events to figure out how I feel in the present. Some of the events I look back on are bad. I end up lapsing into deep depressions, some so severe that I don't/can't eat, bathe, sleep. I space out. I have even had thoughts of death although I've never had a plan.

I don't know how to make my brain process feelings differently. This hurts. I'm exhausted at times from it.

Anyone else feel this way? You can share your experiences and advice.

You mean you have to compare your past feelings to those you are experiencing in the present to understand your present feelings? Like the past ones took a long time to be processed and recognized and are still very strong, while you haven't caught up with the present ones, though the beginnings of the present ones are also, faintly, present?

Do you mean like a situation triggering the memory of a past bad event and then a horrible feeling overcoming you?

I kinda think the problem might be that you don't feel the present moment intense enough and therefore have to rely on the past feelings which happen to be bad. 2 problems also: derealization in the present moment and bad feelings in the past possibly. solve one or both.
derealization, if it happens to be the case, can be solved with therapy or medication for example. depending on the underlaying cause by anxiolytics or antipsychotics or whatever. (or plain meditation and mindfulness. watch some Eckhardt Tolle videos on youtube!)
bad past memories can be resolved by therapy or self help books on PTSD or something. but I'd solve the derealization.

peace.