How physically attractive do you think you are?
Female? Maybe.
Male? Definitely.*
The whole thing is like learning that you own a safe with a billion dollars inside.
But you don't know the combination and there are a billion permutations, there's no listening for clicks with a stethoscope, and the safe is impervious even to a thermonuclear blast.
*And make no mistake about it, that difference constitutes a long standing grievance by many men on the spectrum rivaling even persecution by NTs in school. The contrast in the relative sexual value of males and females is seldom cast more sharply than in the ease in which aspie females pick up partners relative to their male counterparts. It's basically the autism version of dethronement by a younger sibling.
... I think you might be misunderstanding. I'm saying that being sexually desirable is a bad thing. If you're saying no one wants an autistic male as compared to an autistic female - then that would actually paint the female worse off in this example. Because if she is sexually attractive, people will still see her as such, regardless of being autistic. All the autistic bit wold do would be confuse and endanger her.
In my experience, it made understanding socializing and communicating ten times harder, because everything was rife with subtext and ulterior motives because of my appearance at the time. Every time anyone had anything to do with me, it was all false, BS, lies, based on the fact that I was sexually attractive.
Every time anyone spoke to me, was nice to me, wanted to interact with me or showed any interest in me, it was because of being attractive.
They pretended to have other reasons - they wanted to get to know me as a person, they were interested in my interests, we had things in common and could be friends - but it was all lies. The only reason anyone ever bothered with me at all was to try and trick me into having sex with them based on how well they lied to me, and when I refused, they got nasty. They projected all their own sexual social game-playing onto me, and when rejected, accused me of doing it all on purpose to tease or humiliate/reject them, trying to trick them and play games on them, that I was giving "mixed signals," etc.
I tend to be delayed in these areas, I estimate, approximately 10 years. So they were basically accusing someone of sexual misconduct who had a child's understanding of what was going on.
Nowdays it's much more straight forward. If someone is interacting with me, they're going to have a simple reason I can deal with - usually utilitarian, or just polite. I can actually be nice to people now, without them leaping to the conclusion that because I'm attractive and I'm being nice, I'm making a pass at them or inviting them to have sex with me. It's not the mine-field it was when I was younger and hadn't fixed the sexually attractive thing yet.
/rant.
You must absolutely hate having sex
C2V
I get what you're saying.
But what I was getting at is that if you're on the spectrum (and hetero male) it's way, way harder to get sex, relationships, etc. IF you want them.
So much so that an aspie male would often seem better off not being physically attractive. Because at least then they don't have NT females constantly putting it in their face (so to speak) reminding them of that which they pretty much can't have *. At least not without a huge, HUGE amount of heavy lifting compared to NT males (who, btw, already have a lot more on their plate than females in this regard). So huge as to make the rewards incompensatory.
Most autistic males would probably benefit from a t-shirt or sign that read "WARNING: Autistic weirdo guy. Do not flirt with."
Because of this life can actually get easier for us as we age and start to loose out looks.
So we see that there are actually TWO fundamentally different problems that being autistic and attractive have.
A: Not being able to get sex if that's what you want.
B: Not being able to just be friends if that's what you want.
Now why do I get the impression that problem A is mostly for aspie males while problem B is mostly for aspie females?
Hmmmmm.
* note: I am not saying that NT females are necessarily (and knowingly) dangling raw meat in front of a caged dog. They are, of course, just assuming that we're NT guys that they are trying to get interested in them who will, in turn, approach and interact with them (and not come off as complete weirdos the moment they open their mouths to say ANYTHING on their mind) and then ask THEM out, and do all that heavy lifting once they've been 'jump started' so to speak).
But really the end result is the same as if they were doing it all maliciously.
As for charges of misogyny. My only defense there is that just because one happens to be both autistic and male doesn't make them not human.
Sue me.
RetroGamer87
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I feel ya.
Yes, you were repulsed by the cacophony of demands and complaints you suspected were right around the corner.
And that right after you'd done what seemed to you the personal equivalent of putting a man on the moon and safely returning him to earth.
It's what I was getting at about the rewards not being compensatory enough.
So then you think "Well, what about one night stand kind of stuff?"
But then you think "But doesn't that mean having to land a man on the moon over and over again, not to mention AIDS?"
RetroGamer87
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I feel ya.
Yes, you were repulsed by the cacophony of demands and complaints you suspected were right around the corner.
And that right after you'd done what seemed to you the personal equivalent of putting a man on the moon and safely returning him to earth.
It's what I was getting at about the rewards not being compensatory enough.
So then you think "Well, what about one night stand kind of stuff?"
But then you think "But doesn't that mean having to land a man on the moon over and over again, not to mention AIDS?"
Even nowadays when I'm in a relationship I sometimes start feeling nostalgic for the days when I was single. Back when if I wanted to, I could spend the whole weekend alone, playing Atari games! Most of the time I love being alone! When I'm in a relationship it severely decreases my solitary time.
But then when I'm single again I start thinking about how I need to get back into a relationship so I can be like other people. So I can be like my cousins. So I can be like the hand holding couples who walk down the street.
Also sex is a motivation. The trouble is, the more often I have sex the more boring it becomes so paradoxically, I only care about sex when I'm single. When I'm in a relationship I get bored by sex.
I guess when I find my true love I will be so comfortable with her that I feel like I'm alone even when she's around. That's how I feel with my close friends.
_________________
The days are long, but the years are short
I'm sorry people are such as*holes in the world.
I know I'm good looking myself (I've been told I'm very handsome quite a bit in my life), but I still have had issues getting women since I didn't really try until now. You just have to tell yourself that you're beautiful.
a girl from high school called me her boyfriend,another called me cute & at a mall,another points me to a lingerie store yelling it's name,then one from my neighborhood calls me sexy & i look back to see the girl's face.there was two of them & another smiles at me on my way to the train station.before that,a group of girls walks by me,but i waited for them to so i can walk past without them seeing me
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I get told by other people that I'm curvy, have beautiful hair, pretty eyes, my skin has been compared to porcelain and I think that's a good indicator that I'm physically attractive. I feel good about how I look.
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It’s written in the ashes of the fire below”
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RetroGamer87
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I'm sorry people are such as*holes in the world.
I know I'm good looking myself (I've been told I'm very handsome quite a bit in my life), but I still have had issues getting women since I didn't really try until now. You just have to tell yourself that you're beautiful.
a girl from high school called me her boyfriend,another called me cute & at a mall,another points me to a lingerie store yelling it's name,then one from my neighborhood calls me sexy & i look back to see the girl's face.there was two of them & another smiles at me on my way to the train station.before that,a group of girls walks by me,but i waited for them to so i can walk past without them seeing me
I used to have that problem in high school
_________________
The days are long, but the years are short
My family tell me that I look like Pep Guardiola, personally I see more of a resemblance to Simone Zaza. People have been telling me I look normal my whole life, but I just don't feel it. I'd be amazed if any woman found me attractive. Sometimes I catch the odd one, "checking me out", but I'm never sure if it's in a good way or a bad way, so I just assume a bad way. I could really use one weirdo to like this weirdo right now.
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