Made the mistake of reading the parent's forum

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ominous
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14 Feb 2015, 6:59 pm

Howdy. I'm not going to read most of the threads here or comment on them. I'm looking for other parents who are very happy with their autistic children and who aren't looking to fix them or medicate them. Please do not respond here with labourious comments about why you want to be or should be all the things I'm trying to avoid. I'm autistic, and I find it upsetting to read comments about how difficult we are and how we need medication, etc. I'm also in Australia, and we don't seem to medicalise autism nearly as much as the USA does.

So, that said! We are 46 and 12, respectively, and have a cat who is 4. We live an hour outside of Melbourne. I am a single parent, a 'radical unschooler' and generally an oddball. Our family works based on mutual respect and mutual aid, and I am teaching my child how to be independent in a sort of different way to most. We both have issues we are overcoming and/or learning how to function with due to our autism, and we are fashioning a life of joy and happiness despite the NT world.

Are there other parents out there who are like me? I may well avoid this forum section altogether as I find a lot of the posts exceptionally sad. I get angry when I'm sad and don't want to alienate people who are struggling to parent by becoming angry with them. I think parenting is the hardest job ever, but I think that is the case whether or not you're parenting a child with ASD.



OliveOilMom
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14 Feb 2015, 8:37 pm

That's always a great way to get people to respond to you. Insult them, tell them why you don't consider them to be good enough and then sit back and wait for those who you deem sufficiently moral enough to respond.

Most of these parents are happy with their children, wanting them to sleep through the night or use the bathroom or focus on homework isn't wishing to change them.

If you do get a response it will probably be from someone who decided to look past your smarmy post and give you the benefit of the doubt that you aren't just going to be a douche to everybody.

Learning a little bit of manners wouldn't hurt you you know, nor would it mean that you weren't being "true to yourself". I'm all for being mean to somebody when you have a reason to do so, but from reading your past posts it seems that being mean and rude and condescending is simply your special interest.

You really should get the chip off your shoulder if you ever expect to get anywhere. Maybe one of the other parents will take pity on you and try to explain it better than I did. Then again, I'm only an aspie not the parent of one (I suspect it about one of mine but I'm not sure and it doesn't matter anyway cause he's not interested in knowing either way)

While it may be true that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar but you catch the most with dog crap, that doesn't translate into everyday actions.


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heavenlyabyss
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14 Feb 2015, 8:41 pm

To the OP. Just do your own thing. As long as you love your children and treat them well, you are fine.

Avoid this forum if it makes you angry.



ominous
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14 Feb 2015, 8:41 pm

Well there's my thread trying to meet like-minded parents gone to $5ht before it started. Thanks for making it about you. If anyone is interested in parenting discussions like I mentioned please PM me.



ominous
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14 Feb 2015, 8:41 pm

heavenlyabyss wrote:
To the OP. Just do your own thing. As long as you love your children and treat them well, you are fine.

Avoid this forum if it makes you angry.


Thanks, I am. I would like to meet like-minded parents here and hope that I can.



OliveOilMom
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14 Feb 2015, 9:03 pm

ominous wrote:
Well there's my thread trying to meet like-minded parents gone to $5ht before it started. Thanks for making it about you. If anyone is interested in parenting discussions like I mentioned please PM me.



It certainly wasnt about me at all. It was about how you came across.

"I made a mistake come here, most of you people are crap! I hate the way you think and your opinions and I just want to meet people who think the correct way like I do! I had hope there would be decent people here and while I doubt there are I'd like to extend an invitation to any decent people to contact me so we can be friends."

Thats exactly how your post came across. It has absolutely nothing to do with me, and I didn't get offended because I have no desire to be considered worthy by strangers on the internet. I simply pointed out, and am pointing out, how you came across. My calling you out on it only caused you to accuse me of making it about me.

Sorry, but thats not how it is. You can blame me and make up stuff about what I did and am doing all day long. It doesn't change how you came across and come across a lot.

Not my bad.


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ominous
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14 Feb 2015, 9:14 pm

Thanks to the members contacting me by PM. I knew others were out there who feel like I do, and it helps to feel less alone here. xx I know of one great (secret) group on FB that is useful, but I am no longer there. I'm glad some understand where I am coming from.



kraftiekortie
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15 Feb 2015, 12:59 am

If you read more of the Parents Forum, your impression will change. Many here have a good,objective view of autism. Don't judge based on "first impressions."



ominous
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15 Feb 2015, 1:03 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
If you read more of the Parents Forum, your impression will change. Many here have a good,objective view of autism. Don't judge based on "first impressions."


Ok, I won't. Thank you for the advice. I did just read a couple of threads that popped up at the top and got scared off, which is more about me than anybody else there.



mistersprinkles
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15 Feb 2015, 1:35 am

OliveOilMom wrote:
ominous wrote:
Well there's my thread trying to meet like-minded parents gone to $5ht before it started. Thanks for making it about you. If anyone is interested in parenting discussions like I mentioned please PM me.



It certainly wasnt about me at all. It was about how you came across.

"I made a mistake come here, most of you people are crap! I hate the way you think and your opinions and I just want to meet people who think the correct way like I do! I had hope there would be decent people here and while I doubt there are I'd like to extend an invitation to any decent people to contact me so we can be friends."

Thats exactly how your post came across. It has absolutely nothing to do with me, and I didn't get offended because I have no desire to be considered worthy by strangers on the internet. I simply pointed out, and am pointing out, how you came across. My calling you out on it only caused you to accuse me of making it about me.

Sorry, but thats not how it is. You can blame me and make up stuff about what I did and am doing all day long. It doesn't change how you came across and come across a lot.

Not my bad.


You have major communication problems dude. Possibly even worse than the OP, who admitted in another thread to having communication problems. You understand that this is an autism forum right? And you understand that people with autism have a hard time communicating and often accidentally offend others, right? So why are you being so hard on the OP? I think you were meaner to the OP than anything the OP said should have made you say. You are shutting down a person trying to come out of their shell and that is not cool. If you can't be understanding of others in this, of all places, you shouldn't be here. If you're an NT, then extra extra shame on you.



SignOfLazarus
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15 Feb 2015, 2:26 am

OliveOilMom wrote:
If you do get a response it will probably be from someone who decided to look past your smarmy post and give you the benefit of the doubt that you aren't just going to be a douche to everybody.


I try to do that with you, but you make it really hard. Especially when you do stuff like this.
The OP really did nothing wrong except express what they thought were kind of sad [for them] and be clear about why they were avoiding those kinds of discussions. I found it to be, actually, pretty tactful considering they were pretty hard things to express- no one is going to like reading things they don't want to read. There's no way around that.

THIS:
OliveOilMom wrote:
"I made a mistake come here, most of you people are crap! I hate the way you think and your opinions and I just want to meet people who think the correct way like I do! I had hope there would be decent people here and while I doubt there are I'd like to extend an invitation to any decent people to contact me so we can be friends."


is not at all equal to this:
ominous wrote:
I'm looking for other parents who are very happy with their autistic children and who aren't looking to fix them or medicate them. Please do not respond here with labourious comments about why you want to be or should be all the things I'm trying to avoid. I'm autistic, and I find it upsetting to read comments about how difficult we are and how we need medication, etc. ...Are there other parents out there who are like me? I may well avoid this forum section altogether as I find a lot of the posts exceptionally sad. I get angry when I'm sad and don't want to alienate people who are struggling to parent by becoming angry with them. I think parenting is the hardest job ever, but I think that is the case whether or not you're parenting a child with ASD.


OliveOilMom it's really unfortunate that you couldn't be one of the people to give the OP the benefit of the doubt. Another option would be to ask for clarification or merely just waiting and watching. If something upset you right off the bat, maybe you could reread the OPs post and you should probably reread yours at this point. I feel like a lot of it is at least equally applicable to what you wrote. It was pretty harsh.


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Booyakasha
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15 Feb 2015, 2:47 am

OliveOilMum, you've been reported quite a few times today. Please, tone it down a bit and/or better not post if under a stress or having some issues.


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OliveOilMom
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15 Feb 2015, 2:51 am

Booyakasha wrote:
OliveOilMum, you've been reported quite a few times today. Please, tone it down a bit and/or better not post if under a stress or having some issues.



Considering I didn't know I had been reported, I had just continued to post.

Don't worry, I'll stop posting because I've noticed that lately the forum has just become a whinefest. I'm sure I'm "triggering" someone, or doing something "discriminatory" or some other such bullshit.

I'd rather find a forum where I can post with other adults, not grammar school playground monitors.

You all really just deserve each other here.


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My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA. ;-)

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League_Girl
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15 Feb 2015, 3:00 am

TBH, I read it the same way OOM did but I just didn't see it the exact same way she did when she translated the OP post she read it as. It came off to me as it's wrong to put ASD children on medication and it's so wrong to try and help them and fix their issues they have to make their lives easier. What kind of parent wouldn't try and help their child who is struggling? Would a parent of a child with CP not help them or a parent of a child with a language delay, etc.

What if my own mom didn't help me. I would still be a concrete thinker and be very confused and not be able to see different perspectives and the overall picture and may still be struggling with words because I wouldn't know how to do pictures from them. Who knows what my life would have been like today if my mom had just left me alone. I may have still had more sensory issues and still be clumsy, etc. I may have not been able to keep a job either due to being so concrete because who would have the time to explain everything to me about a incident or something at work because I would be in the moment person and the boss wouldn't have time to go over my day with me and draw pictures so it would be easier to just lay me off due to the inability to take notice. I may have still had more social issues. Plus I may have still been very impulsive and not have any memory of doing things I am not aware of. No parent would want their kid to struggle and grow up to not live a normal life.


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15 Feb 2015, 3:07 am

League_Girl wrote:
TBH, I read it the same way OOM did but I just didn't see it the exact same way she did when she translated the OP post she read it as. It came off to me as it's wrong to put ASD children on medication and it's so wrong to try and help them and fix their issues they have to make their lives easier. What kind of parent wouldn't try and help their child who is struggling? Would a parent of a child with CP not help them or a parent of a child with a language delay, etc.

What if my own mom didn't help me. I would still be a concrete thinker and be very confused and not be able to see different perspectives and the overall picture and may still be struggling with words because I wouldn't know how to do pictures from them. Who knows what my life would have been like today if my mom had just left me alone. I may have still had more sensory issues and still be clumsy, etc. I may have not been able to keep a job either due to being so concrete because who would have the time to explain everything to me about a incident or something at work because I would be in the moment person and the boss wouldn't have time to go over my day with me and draw pictures so it would be easier to just lay me off due to the inability to take notice. I may have still had more social issues. Plus I may have still been very impulsive and not have any memory of doing things I am not aware of. No parent would want their kid to struggle and grow up to not live a normal life.


I feel like this is a different way to reply, even if you feel the same way. I could be wrong.


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