EHarmony actually seems decent

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If it wasn't something rude, then why is that, Mr. Link?

Remember that famous quote from Oscar Wilde? "There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it."

Remember also my dreadful relationship with that manipulative Chinese girl, the one from last year. If she hadn't contacted me than I never would have endured the misfortune of meeting her. I later learned that she plans out her next boyfriend while she's still dating the previous one. She's a serial golddigger.

My current relationship is the definition of ambivalence, maybe for us both. She'll alternate between saying I'm the best boyfriend ever and saying she's thinking about dumping me. I entertain the same thoughts. In a way she's ideal because in so many ways we share the same views and lived through the same experiences. But she nags me, she makes little effort to solve her own problems, she complains of being poor but doesn't try to get a higher paying job. She'll say one day she plans to lose half her weight and the next day give up and gorge on chocolate.

Should I stay with her or should I find a less argumentative girl? One who won't demand I rearrange all the furniture in my apartment when she hasn't even moved in yet. Half the time she won't even see me because she's exhausted. Should I find a more energetic girl? A less ambiguous girl? She complains her job is too hard, I say she should get another one then she says she'll keep it because it's easy. Why this doublethink?

Should I learn to live with her or should I leave her for a younger, thinner, cuter girl. One who doesn't have her trust issues. One with ambition. One with a proper social life. She's such a wallflower you'd think I was the NT and she was the aspie. She's the shyest NT I've ever met but not the quietest.

There's that old cliché, better the devil you know than the devil you don't. How can I know that the next girl won't be worse? She could have the same problems magnified or a different set of problems I have not even imagined. How can I dream of a thin, pretty girl when I'm lower middle class and slightly overweight?

GF thinks I'm handsome. Maybe she's the only one who ever will. How could I chase after 20 year old girls when I'm nearly 30? They want guys their own age. Even if I caught one's interest people would expect me to be with a girl my own age.

I spent my youth watching Star Trek and avoiding girls but I must not use these 20 year old waifs in a misguided attempt to live out a past that never happened. No matter what I do I cannot turn back the clock. No matter what I think dating a younger, cuter girl won't make me ten years younger.

I supposed I should stay with GF, who's short and fat. I think tall girls are graceful and elegant yet six foot girls are in short supply. So what if she's 29 when I'm 28. So what if she looks 29 when I look 24. I'll catch up to her in age soon enough.

I must consider, if I am to live out my days with her that looks fade and so don't matter in a long term relationship. If I could I would convince her that she didn't need to have plastic surgury. I want her to feel more confident about herself. I worry her antidepressants have left her emotionally unstable and yet she wants me to start taking them as well. Still I wonder if the cure is worse than the disease.

If I lose depression do I change who I am? Do I die? Replaced with a jovial imposter? Yet what right do I have to kill him off just to preserve my futile existence? Who's to say which version of me has more right to live? Yet I worry without my constant speil of self-loathing I would lose all motivation to improve. Everything I have achieved was done to appease my own self-doubt. If I should lose that I could stop improving. If I should keep it I could improve yet never be good enough, never be as good as all the people around me, never satisfy my own distorted standards and never escape my past.

^ Ok ok, please, have some tea now.

Perhaps you should take a hard look in the mirror to understand WHY you keep attracting these types of women. You sound like mye brother: if a woman like my almost-Wife showed up in his life (someone stable, capable of loving, kind hearted, etc) he would probably pretend like she didn't exist, just like you did to about half the things I suggested to you.

Tell me then, why do I keep attracting these types of women? Why have I never once dated any girl who wasn't overweight? Why do I attract paupers? Is it because I flash my money around and live above my means? Why do I attract girls that serve to amplify my own self-doubt and make question everything?

RetroGamer87....seriously....

Look, the first thing to do to increase your chances to attract non-overweight girls is to become non-overweight yourself.

But there's no guarantee that losing weight would lead to that, I am talking probabilities.

But seriously, you can't keep complaining about attracting people with a trait that you perceive as a flaw and unattractive while you have this same trait.

[quote="The_Face_of_Boo"]Look, the first thing to do to increase your chances to attract non-overweight girls is to become non-overweight yourself.[/qoute]I get that but I'm only slightly overweight. The healthy BMI range is 18.5 to 25. I'm 28. GF is at 33.4. The two girls I dated before her were both over 40.

Yes I have a pot belly but my martial arts instructor showed me how to fix that. He said my pot belly didn't result from being fat but from poor posture. He showed me that if I stand correctly it dissappear into flatness.

Makes sense because when I was crash dieting and got down to a BMI of 22.4 I still had a pot belly and it was the same size it is now, even though I was 45 pounds lighter.

At the time I looked about as fat as I do now, I think that crash diet ruined my muscle tone. I'm worried that if my weight gets to low or if I diet I could end up as a weakling.

But maybe that's just excuses. Maybe I should cut back to two meals per day or at least try to stay under 2,000 calories. Maybe I should stick to meat and fruit or something.

I just find frustrating that GF is overweight by a much wider margin than I am.

I get that but I'm only slightly overweight. The healthy BMI range is 18.5 to 25. I'm 28. GF is at 33.4. The two girls I dated before her were both over 40.

Yes I have a pot belly but my martial arts instructor showed me how to fix that. He said my pot belly didn't result from being fat but from poor posture. He showed me that if I stand correctly it dissappear into flatness.

Makes sense because when I was crash dieting and got down to a BMI of 22.4 I still had a pot belly and it was the same size it is now, even though I was 45 pounds lighter.

At the time I looked about as fat as I do now, I think that crash diet ruined my muscle tone. I'm worried that if my weight gets to low or if I diet I could end up as a weakling.

But maybe that's just excuses. Maybe I should cut back to two meals per day or at least try to stay under 2,000 calories. Maybe I should stick to meat and fruit or something.

I just find frustrating that GF is overweight by a much wider margin than I am.[/quote]

Tell me then, why do I keep attracting these types of women? Why have I never once dated any girl who wasn't overweight? Why do I attract paupers? Is it because I flash my money around and live above my means? Why do I attract girls that serve to amplify my own self-doubt and make question everything?[/quote]

Oh goodness.

I must have made to close to 25 or so postings addressing why your attitude was turning off these 'normal' women you seek and you literally skipped over what I said like it never existed. Basically, it's the same reason I attracted a crazy, psychotic ex: it was inevitable due to my self-flagellation. Any self-respecting man would have said "no thank you" and walked away after date #2. I am starting to believe that we instinctively attract what we feel we deserve deep down. Once I said "f*** this" and decided to just accept myself, quirks and all I almost instantly found the love of my life and yes, she is quite physically attractive. Guess what? She ALSO attracted losers her whole life. Again, I doubt that was a coincidence either!

Maybe you could try joining a running group? I'm in one now again and they are loaded with healthy, slim, young, single women.

For a lot of women, being thin often involves significant lifestyle choices. They may be naturally reluctant to hook up with someone who routinely makes different choices. Not that the choices are wrong, but girls who are on strict diets will often look unfavorably at those who eat considerably more. You don't mention exercise, which may set off red flags for those who like a very active lifestyle.