Coping with stressful topics of discussion

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Stress is a big problem for people on the Autism/Asperger's spectrum. Conversations with friends and relatives can become very upsetting, especially when stress inducing topics are covered. It's not possible to prevent all the conversation induced stress, but I'd like to offer some coping advice. Try to stay away from topics you know will cause conflict. If someone else brings it up and things start to get tense, leave the room, or even leave the place where you are at. In some cases, it may be best to reduce contact with someone who is always spoiling for an argument. In severe cases it may be best to cut off all contact with a difficult person.

In my case, I went from being the sibling most picked on by the others as a child, to the only one as an adult who is still talking to all of the other siblings. This is in large part because of the coping methods I developed for dealing with stressful topics, including politics and religion. Everyone in the family knows that they can't bully me into following their beliefs, if they differ too much from my own, but at the same time, they also know that I won't bully them about their beliefs. I basically agree to disagree with them. They also know that I am a voracious reader on a wide variety of topics, so they know that if they give me something to read on one of these conflict inducing topics, that I am likely to read it, and at least think about what I've read, so they feel they can share their points of view with me, and maybe even change my mind on some things, without a big fight.

In the case of religion, I am amused at how we turned out. We were raised Catholic, but none of us is now. One sibling is a hardline born again--believe as he does or you are going to hell. Another sibling, and her husband are atheists. Another sibling is a non Catholic, non practicing Christian. I am an "I don't knower" with leanings toward Intelligent Design. I don't know how we all ended up so different from how we started out, but it does amuse me. It also amuses me that I was actually able to get my born again sibling to soften his sales pitch somewhat. I pointed out to him that he was actually turning people off, and away, by his harsh words, and he should add in some of the nicer parts of the Bible when he preaches to people, if he wants to keep them interested. I did it in a nice, civil way, and managed not to offend him, so he was better able to absorb what I was trying to get across. It also helps that he knows I will sometimes read religious stuff he gives me, and that I will sometimes discuss religious stuff with him, in a civil way.

Unfortunately, the atheist isn't getting along with the others because of religion and politics. The born again sometimes offends the others over his extreme religious stance, and the non practicing Christian has offended the atheist regarding politics. I don't agree with any of them on religion, and disagree with the atheist on politics, but I don't bully anyone about it.

It would be nice if everyone shared my beliefs, but I also believe that everyone has a right to their own beliefs, so this has helped me to get along better with my sibs now that we are adults.

Remember, give people the "space" to be themselves, and to have their own beliefs. If that causes problems, then avoid the topic, and if necessary, avoid the person.

Hope this helps!

For me, it's not the topics themselves which are stressful. Potentially every topic can be discussed in a reasonable way, however controversial.

The stress comes from unnecessary hostility, whatever the topic.

Example:

A says: I think so and so because of x, y, z.
B says: You're talking absolute nonsense (doesn't respond to A's reasoning, instead makes a hostile statement aimed at A)

B could have said: I have a completely different view, because of x, y,z - this is a civil form of disagreement.

Personal attacks come in all sorts of different forms and the example above is mild compared to some, but still a personal attack nonetheless, as it is meant to diminish A in the eyes of others (A is a person who talks nonsense) and elevate B (as a person who is superior to A).

Once people start responding in a destructive/hostile rather than a constructive/respectful way, any topic can go to the wall fast. We saw examples of that bigtime in the December "Jihad" against self diagnosis.

When all else fails... Kick 'em in the junk!

I just avoid talking about topics that people (including myself) may hold strong views about, such as politics, religion, philosophy, or the military. I also try to avoid talking about how much I dislike things that others may like, because I tend to be really blunt and vehement about my dislikes.