Guilt or shame over taboo interest and relief when it's over

Page 1 of 2 [ 17 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

EmoGlambertAspie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jun 2010
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 573

22 Mar 2015, 12:41 am

I was wondering if this was a common feeling. For some months, nine or ten, I was obsessed with the Columbine High School Shooting. I felt guilt and shame about it and this weekend when I suddenly noticed I'm not as interested as I was I felt immense relief. I am glad I learned what I did from it and read both shooters' journals (Klebold's especially contained surprisingly intelligent ideas, which made me realize that everyone has something good to offer this world even if they do something horrible; I no longer hate people, but their actions). But I am immensely relieved I'm not as interested in the whole thing as I was. As has happened with other special interests, even with acceptable ones like Harry Potter or animals, it felt like an addiction or illness.

Is this a common feeling when dealing with a taboo special interest?


_________________
"More people have been slaughtered in the name of religion than for any other single reason. That, my friends, that is true perversion." - Harvey Milk


starfox
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Mar 2015
Posts: 1,012
Location: United states of Eurasia

22 Mar 2015, 5:21 am

I think that's common. In fact I had the very same interest for a while at one point. Not anymore tho


_________________
We become what we think about; since everything in the beginning is just an idea.

Destruction and creation are 2 sides of the same coin.


LifUlfur
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 546
Location: London

22 Mar 2015, 5:55 am

I'm having one at the moment with serial killers which is very awkward, people like John Wayne Gacy and Ted Bundy and Gary Ridgway. I'm just hoping it goes away soon.


_________________
Welcome to the inside of your head. It's kind of empty in here.
Ma-Ma is not the law. I am the law.


TheCrookedFingers
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 8 Nov 2013
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Posts: 160
Location: Cloudcuckooland

22 Mar 2015, 7:03 am

I don't think you should feel guilty. You managed to get something positive out of an apparently unhealthy interest, that is admirable. And even if you hadn't, as long as you didn't condone those actions or think about imitating them, I don't believe you were doing anything wrong.


_________________
She looks like the real thing
She tastes like the real thing
My fake plastic love


OliveOilMom
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,897
Location: About 50 miles past the middle of nowhere

22 Mar 2015, 8:18 am

I don't feel guilt or shame over my interests, I only feel interest. I've been into some pretty weird things too, so it just doesn't bother me. I was researching about Columbine a year or so ago and did it for months, even found pictures of bodies, watched the video tape, etc. One thing I've been interested in for a while is human decomposition. I'd love to go to the Body Farm, but I won't go. I've worked in a funeral home and that sparked my interest in decomp and I research it a good bit. Now that's an interest you should probably close the screen on with people walk into the room, but I say "Oooh, come here, look! This is a human body that was left in the elements for two weeks and if you look right here you can hey, HEY! Come back, really it's interesting! Oh my God! You are so squeamish. It's going to happen to both of us one day you know! Even with embalming! Don't you call me gross, you go to your room!" It actually happens like that because I want to share my interests and I think that others would find it just as fascinating if they would just give it a chance. I'm usually wrong.

Don't let having strange interests make you feel bad. It's really ok.


_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA. ;-)

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com


EmoGlambertAspie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jun 2010
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 573

22 Mar 2015, 11:16 am

I wrote that hastily and forgot a key point: one reason I was guilty was that it began as a crush on Dylan Klebold (physical only - very physical; something about big noses, long chins, blue eyes and longer hair on a dude) and I thought if I looked into the bad stuff he did more it would go away. It did help a lot but when I read the journals I felt guilty about seeing both him and Eric Harris as whole people with some good ideas instead of just the horrid acts they committed, but then I realized that was actually something good. I don't hate people anymore because of it and actually learned some cool trivia, like about how a girl was in love with one of them and wrote to Mike Judge about how a King Of The Hill episode helped her grieve when she'd been pressured not to and how one of them is credited as a co-writer in the metadata for a song by Sleeping At Last because the songwriter was inspired by ideas or thoughts in his journal. So all in all I don't regret it. I'm glad I learned what I did, but I'm also glad the interest is over.


_________________
"More people have been slaughtered in the name of religion than for any other single reason. That, my friends, that is true perversion." - Harvey Milk


starfox
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Mar 2015
Posts: 1,012
Location: United states of Eurasia

22 Mar 2015, 12:00 pm

EmoGlambertAspie wrote:
I wrote that hastily and forgot a key point: one reason I was guilty was that it began as a crush on Dylan Klebold (physical only - very physical; something about big noses, long chins, blue eyes and longer hair on a dude) and I thought if I looked into the bad stuff he did more it would go away. It did help a lot but when I read the journals I felt guilty about seeing both him and Eric Harris as whole people with some good ideas instead of just the horrid acts they committed, but then I realized that was actually something good. I don't hate people anymore because of it and actually learned some cool trivia, like about how a girl was in love with one of them and wrote to Mike Judge about how a King Of The Hill episode helped her grieve when she'd been pressured not to and how one of them is credited as a co-writer in the metadata for a song by Sleeping At Last because the songwriter was inspired by ideas or thoughts in his journal. So all in all I don't regret it. I'm glad I learned what I did, but I'm also glad the interest is over.


You shouldn't feel guilty about that. The information you gained shows that there is always more to a person than just what they're remembered for or just the bad things they did. I dont condone what they done; but theyre human too and it's easy to forget that they had thoughts and emotions just like we all do. The diary shows parts of their lives that we wouldn't have known about otherwise.

It is interesting though. Also it told some of why they decided to commit the acts they did and how they felt about their place in society, that they were misunderstood and not listened too.


_________________
We become what we think about; since everything in the beginning is just an idea.

Destruction and creation are 2 sides of the same coin.


[email protected]
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Mar 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 709

22 Mar 2015, 12:54 pm

LifUlfur wrote:
I'm having one at the moment with serial killers which is very awkward, people like John Wayne Gacy and Ted Bundy and Gary Ridgway. I'm just hoping it goes away soon.


I don't think any of that is all that unusual, there's a reason why True Crime stories and books about serial killers are always in print. There's a morbid fascination in wanting to understand why people do some of the strange and heartless things that they do. I find it very interesting, but after a while I have to take a break from it, or it just starts to get depressing to be immersed in all that pathological cruelty.

OliveOilMom wrote:
I'd love to go to the Body Farm, but I won't go. I've worked in a funeral home and that sparked my interest in decomp and I research it a good bit. Now that's an interest you should probably close the screen on with people walk into the room, but I say "Oooh, come here, look!


:eew: Oh, I could never abide the reek of a place like the Body Farm, decomp just gets up inside your head and won't go away. I mean, yeah, Jenny Spain was kinda hot in Deadgirl, but woof! That smell would never wash off. :lol:


_________________
"I don't mean to sound bitter, cynical or cruel - but I am, so that's how it comes out." - Bill Hicks


Ettina
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Jan 2011
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,552

22 Mar 2015, 12:59 pm

I don't think you should feel guilty about it. I've had some disturbing interests, such as an interest in drug addiction, an interest in child abuse and trauma, and an interest in psychopathy. All of these have had positive results, including getting me As in psychology classes and teaching me valuable lessons about people.



Chickenbird
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 25 Dec 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 317
Location: New Zealand

22 Mar 2015, 2:26 pm

Deep down, you probably just don't want it to happen to you. I think that is why a lot
of people watch horror/thriller films - apart from the relief when the film
ends, on some level they see them as training films in case it should
actually happen. Men in particular, because they feel they may have to "take charge".


_________________
"Aspie: 65/200
NT: 155/200
You are very likely neurotypical"
Changed score with attention to health. Still have AS traits and also some difficulties.


cberg
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Dec 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,999
Location: Boulder CO

22 Mar 2015, 2:34 pm

TheCrookedFingers wrote:
I don't think you should feel guilty. You managed to get something positive out of an apparently unhealthy interest, that is admirable. And even if you hadn't, as long as you didn't condone those actions or think about imitating them, I don't believe you were doing anything wrong.


Having seen this very process of realization firsthand from atrocity to reconciliation, I agree; you can either study history in all its' gritty detail or doom yourself to watching it happen all over again, from any number of perspectives.


_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos :mrgreen:


NEtikiman
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Apr 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 576
Location: Massachusetts, USA

22 Mar 2015, 2:49 pm

I think it's important to investigate and understand even the darkest aspects of humanity. I was similarly obsessed with Columbine for several months. And Charles Manson for about a year and a half.

I think the stigma associated with this kind of obsession is similar to the "violent video games lead to violence" arguments. People see someone with those interests and worry that they'll commit similar acts. This is very narrow-minded.

There is valuable information to glean from these dark events and pretending that every aspect is purely evil hinders intellectual progress.

I mean, the Nazis are about the evilest we've seen in the past 100 years, but they were the first to talk earnestly about animal conservation and the dangers of tobacco (not to mention the countless medical advances). If we ignored those important developments, where would we be?


_________________
Don't want the truth? Don't come to the park!


starfox
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Mar 2015
Posts: 1,012
Location: United states of Eurasia

22 Mar 2015, 2:55 pm

NEtikiman wrote:
I think it's important to investigate and understand even the darkest aspects of humanity. I was similarly obsessed with Columbine for several months. And Charles Manson for about a year and a half.

I think the stigma associated with this kind of obsession is similar to the "violent video games lead to violence" arguments. People see someone with those interests and worry that they'll commit similar acts. This is very narrow-minded.

There is valuable information to glean from these dark events and pretending that every aspect is purely evil hinders intellectual progress.

I mean, the Nazis are about the evilest we've seen in the past 100 years, but they were the first to talk earnestly about animal conservation and the dangers of tobacco (not to mention the countless medical advances). If we ignored those important developments, where would we be?


Agreed.

I didn't know that about the nazis. Hmm learned something new :)


_________________
We become what we think about; since everything in the beginning is just an idea.

Destruction and creation are 2 sides of the same coin.


cecilfienkelstien
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 May 2006
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,820
Location: Ontario Canada

22 Mar 2015, 3:11 pm

I knew an aspie who read the unibomber manifesto and found it interesting. I wouldn't feel quilty. You had an interest in something. I enjoy reading about Serial killers myself. Have you watched the film from 2003 it is called Elephant. It was made by Gus Van Sant. It is loosly based on Columbine. I am not trying to stoke your interest and make you feel quilty. It is just I understand when you mention about interest that you need to find out everything. Every nook and cranny.


_________________
I like to talk about Asperger'srelated issues as well as Asperger's related interest. So PM me!


[email protected]
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Mar 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 709

22 Mar 2015, 4:32 pm

NEtikiman wrote:
I think it's important to investigate and understand even the darkest aspects of humanity. I was similarly obsessed with Columbine for several months. And Charles Manson for about a year and a half.


Bugliosi's 'Helter Skelter' came out while was in High School (I even went to one of his lectures and got my copy autographed) and I was fascinated by Manson for a couple years, which led to my obsession with The Beatles (I was too young to appreciate them at the height of Beatlemania), and that interest has lasted a lot longer.

I wrote a horror novel that contains a serial killer with a serious Oedipal complex and features graphic scenes of necrophilia, but I didn't do any personal research on either. I don't feel guilty about it, if it makes the reader uncomfortable and totally grossed out, that's exactly what I was going for. :D


_________________
"I don't mean to sound bitter, cynical or cruel - but I am, so that's how it comes out." - Bill Hicks