Guilt or shame over taboo interest and relief when it's over

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I was wondering if this was a common feeling. For some months, nine or ten, I was obsessed with the Columbine High School Shooting. I felt guilt and shame about it and this weekend when I suddenly noticed I'm not as interested as I was I felt immense relief. I am glad I learned what I did from it and read both shooters' journals (Klebold's especially contained surprisingly intelligent ideas, which made me realize that everyone has something good to offer this world even if they do something horrible; I no longer hate people, but their actions). But I am immensely relieved I'm not as interested in the whole thing as I was. As has happened with other special interests, even with acceptable ones like Harry Potter or animals, it felt like an addiction or illness.

Is this a common feeling when dealing with a taboo special interest?

I think that's common. In fact I had the very same interest for a while at one point. Not anymore tho

I'm having one at the moment with serial killers which is very awkward, people like John Wayne Gacy and Ted Bundy and Gary Ridgway. I'm just hoping it goes away soon.

I don't think you should feel guilty. You managed to get something positive out of an apparently unhealthy interest, that is admirable. And even if you hadn't, as long as you didn't condone those actions or think about imitating them, I don't believe you were doing anything wrong.

I don't feel guilt or shame over my interests, I only feel interest. I've been into some pretty weird things too, so it just doesn't bother me. I was researching about Columbine a year or so ago and did it for months, even found pictures of bodies, watched the video tape, etc. One thing I've been interested in for a while is human decomposition. I'd love to go to the Body Farm, but I won't go. I've worked in a funeral home and that sparked my interest in decomp and I research it a good bit. Now that's an interest you should probably close the screen on with people walk into the room, but I say "Oooh, come here, look! This is a human body that was left in the elements for two weeks and if you look right here you can hey, HEY! Come back, really it's interesting! Oh my God! You are so squeamish. It's going to happen to both of us one day you know! Even with embalming! Don't you call me gross, you go to your room!" It actually happens like that because I want to share my interests and I think that others would find it just as fascinating if they would just give it a chance. I'm usually wrong.

Don't let having strange interests make you feel bad. It's really ok.

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I wrote that hastily and forgot a key point: one reason I was guilty was that it began as a crush on Dylan Klebold (physical only - very physical; something about big noses, long chins, blue eyes and longer hair on a dude) and I thought if I looked into the bad stuff he did more it would go away. It did help a lot but when I read the journals I felt guilty about seeing both him and Eric Harris as whole people with some good ideas instead of just the horrid acts they committed, but then I realized that was actually something good. I don't hate people anymore because of it and actually learned some cool trivia, like about how a girl was in love with one of them and wrote to Mike Judge about how a King Of The Hill episode helped her grieve when she'd been pressured not to and how one of them is credited as a co-writer in the metadata for a song by Sleeping At Last because the songwriter was inspired by ideas or thoughts in his journal. So all in all I don't regret it. I'm glad I learned what I did, but I'm also glad the interest is over.

I don't think you should feel guilty about it. I've had some disturbing interests, such as an interest in drug addiction, an interest in child abuse and trauma, and an interest in psychopathy. All of these have had positive results, including getting me As in psychology classes and teaching me valuable lessons about people.

Deep down, you probably just don't want it to happen to you. I think that is why a lot
of people watch horror/thriller films - apart from the relief when the film
ends, on some level they see them as training films in case it should
actually happen. Men in particular, because they feel they may have to "take charge".

I think it's important to investigate and understand even the darkest aspects of humanity. I was similarly obsessed with Columbine for several months. And Charles Manson for about a year and a half.

I think the stigma associated with this kind of obsession is similar to the "violent video games lead to violence" arguments. People see someone with those interests and worry that they'll commit similar acts. This is very narrow-minded.

There is valuable information to glean from these dark events and pretending that every aspect is purely evil hinders intellectual progress.

I mean, the Nazis are about the evilest we've seen in the past 100 years, but they were the first to talk earnestly about animal conservation and the dangers of tobacco (not to mention the countless medical advances). If we ignored those important developments, where would we be?

I knew an aspie who read the unibomber manifesto and found it interesting. I wouldn't feel quilty. You had an interest in something. I enjoy reading about Serial killers myself. Have you watched the film from 2003 it is called Elephant. It was made by Gus Van Sant. It is loosly based on Columbine. I am not trying to stoke your interest and make you feel quilty. It is just I understand when you mention about interest that you need to find out everything. Every nook and cranny.