Very poor social skills

Post Reply New Topic

My report last year to enable transition to a new disability benefit said I had " very poor social skills " . I have never been able to pin down a precise or near precise definition of " social skills" . All I know is that I have had a lifetime of difficulty interacting with others- such as difficulty with small talk and initiating conversations, and according to 2 staff at the local mental health centre issues with boundaries and body language .
I have never received help in this area as I am diagnosed with a psychiatric disorder, and not also aspergers/NVLD, and whilst treatment for social skills for SMI is well established in the US it is almost non existent in the UK.
It is hard when you are told something is "very poor" without a good explanation, and offer of help and support although the problem has no doubt been present throughout your psychiatric history and long before that.

Forgive me, but it's not clear from your post whether you're looking for organisations in the UK that might be able to help you improve your social skills, or at least define what social skills are, or if you are just making a statement. Everyone here will empathise with you, and no doubt some people will be able to recommend organisations to approach - it depends what you want.

I was explaining my situation and asking for help and support. I thought that was obvious.

Sorry if I misunderstood you. There are charities and voluntary organisations in the UK who run courses and provide support to help people of all ages with ASD improve their social skills, and I think they will sometimes extend this support to those with other conditions. Sadly I know it varies from area to area, so it rather depends where you live.

Here's some advice: when people ask you to clarify, telling them that your point was obvious is tantamount to calling them an idiot.

It is poor form to use abbreviations like SMI without explanation. Not everyone has the ability to look that up.

It's interesting that people want to leap in and criticise rather than respond supportively to a genuine call for help and support. That kind of tells me my presence here is unwelcome and that I am seen as an intruder.
I am sad about that as I thought this was somewhere I might be understood better.
How do I go about closing my account?

I live in Essex, England.

The organisations I know are in the Oxfordshire area, so that's probably no help to you. However, if you contact autism charities in Essex, they are likely to provide support and courses to help people with ASD improve their social skills; and, as autism is often co-morbid with other conditions such as ADHD, OCD, Bi-Polar Disorder, they will be used to supporting them too. If you explain your situation and are patient with them, they might be able to offer you support or to refer you to another organisation that can.

Incidentally, if you stay on Wrong Planet long enough, I think you'll find that the members here are generally highly empathetic and supportive, whatever condition you have. Many people here are facing serious issues in their lives, so I'm sure they will understand you; so please don't dismiss WP out of hand, it's a good place.

Thank you for your reply, hyperborean.

My post wasn't meant to criticize, rather, it was to give a concrete example of how your social skills are lacking, which, based on the above, I assumed you wanted.

When I talk in public and post on the internet, I try to translate my thoughts and ideas into the language used by my target audience. It is best to only use abbreviations that are in wide use by the general public, such as ALS and MS, which are widely known neuromuscular diseases. It does take a bit of practice to look at what you say from the viewpoint of your audience.

A problem I have is answering rhetorical questions--I often have clever answers to questions that the person asking may actually not want an answer to. Why did he ask the question if he didn't want an answer?

I have similar problems. I was always criticized for not having any friends, and as they called it for "acting like a feral child" as I hid from people. But no one tried to help in any way.

I became sort-of-alright with socializing only after spending literally years closely studying and mimicking other peoples' tone of voice, body language, and slang. I'm sorry I'm of no help to you but I do understand.

I guess I need to get used to this not being primarily a mental health forum , and that terms used by those more knowledgeable about mental health will not necessarily be known here.
For those unaware what SMI means it can mean "Severe mental illness" or "Serious mental illness".

I was shocked to read in my report that my psychiatrist wrote I had very poor social skills. I had friends, I played with kids, I would play jump rope with other kids, I remember playing with my friends at my house, I followed the rules my mom would set for me so I knew how to act. How were my social skills very poor? Especially if I was working hard at being nice and polite and caring about other people and thinking of their feelings. If it were possible I would ask him right now how were mine very poor. But because he is retired and he retired about 14 years ago and I am not sure if his brain is still normal and also the fact he has seen so many patients over the years and diagnosed many people with autism and Asperger's, he might not even remember me and the details so he wouldn't be able to tell me anyway. I never even asked my mom about it either. Maybe I should and see if she knows. She knows me well and I grew up with her and she remembers more about me than I do.

I am generally caring, polite(apart from the occasional human/unintentional lapse) and nice so can't see very poor social skills being related to that. I would guess that many people have what are deemed good social skills but are total bastards as people( thinking of politicians,especially right wing politicians,here).
In my case I wonder whether it relates to things like nonverbal cues/expressions . My ability to socially interact with others has always been impaired and is not helped by the paranoia and social anxiety.

I feel bad when my attention is related to body language. to feel a sense of discomfort from the other, I can easily distract me, and I continue to talk in a very slow, since I'm worrying too much about the other. some time ago, explained to me that body language "negative" of a person is not always related to my person, but with herself. today, when well I can keep the focus of the independent body language of the person, without rushing to feel something that I do not consider good.