Within the last week or so, I decided that I probably don't have Asperger's because I don't have enough of the traits at a cliinically significant level and can't remember enough of my childhood, and what I do have seems like it could be accounted for by Sensory Processing Disorder.
I went to my last day of neuropsychological testing yesterday, and the questions the examiner asked about thinking people were trying to harm me made me think of schizotypal pd, so I looked it up, and it seems like it would be very easy for someone to view me this way and diagnose me with this, with which I'd be very uncomfortable.
The traits that definitely fit are:
behavior or appearance that is odd, eccentric, or peculiar
lack of close friends or confidants other than first-degree relatives
I'm thinking that what I considered to be sensory sensitivities and possible auditory processing disorder will be interpreted as:
Quote:
unusual perceptual experiences, including bodily illusions
How could someone distinguish between those?
I don't have magical thinking or ideas of reference, and I'm not superstitious. However, I have heard one or two things that could be auditory hallucinations; it really bothers me that I have no one to ask "did you hear that too?" I hear something like creaking sounds in the walls, usually at night while I'm waiting to fall asleep, but I just assumed that it was typical architectural settling sounds; on the other hand, my apartment isn't terribly old so why would the walls be creaking? The building doesn't seem terribly new, though, either. But then, the sounds sometimes wake me up when I'm half asleep; could my brain manufacture a hallucination while I'm half-unconscious?
I'm very distressed that I could be hallucinating and not even know it. I was ok with possibly having AS, I'm ok with possibly having auditory processing disorder or sensory processing disorder, but half the symptoms of StPD basically just constitute going crazy, and it's horrifying.
I'm also worried that my traits are going to be misconstrued by the people who assessed me and I'll get an StPD diagnosis that I don't merit, but that it's too late and couldn't be prevented because they didn't ask me enough questions. I'm usually somewhat zombiesh by the time I arrive at the assessment center because of the sensory overload of being on public transportation for two hours or more, and that can easily be construed as
inappropriate or constricted affect.
Basically, I'm freaking out.