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Jayo
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04 Apr 2015, 9:47 pm

Ah, the time-honoured NT ritual of nattering behind people's backs about them, what good sport (sarcasm) :P

But really, this is something I've tried to avoid - at work and in other contexts - chalk it up to the "glass houses" mentality. That, and if you're not the most "popular kid" in the crowd, then any gossip coming from you about someone will be more likely to find its way back to that person. :o

Or worse, when somebody wrongfully accuses YOU about gossiping about them, because somebody falsely told them you said such-and-such about so-and-so. THIS is definitely a mark of what people think and feel about you :(

Of course, we often find ourselves on the receiving end of gossip - heck I know I did for many years, until I left for a less gossipy and high-schoolish culture. Basically predictable comments like "he's so brilliant, but he just doesn't get simple things, he doesn't see the big picture, he's spaced out...etc." The only behind-the back pejorative I remember getting was "Rain Man" at the age of 27, just before I got my ASD diagnosis. Apart from that, I can't say that I have ever gotten any outright slanderous comments, like "Jayo is a drug addict" or "he's a pedophile".

In any case, I would advise NOT confronting anyone who you suspect has gossiped about you - either individually, or as a group of people - 99% chance they'll deny it. They will likely get more hostile with you too, or crack jokes to your face that you're paranoid and need to get help, or something of the sort. It's not like people would ever gossip via email, where there's a paper trail to substantiate the foul deed. Sigh. :(



invaderhorizongreen
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04 Apr 2015, 9:51 pm

My policy is if it is not between me and a said party, I want nothing to do with it. On top of that if one does not witness with ones eyes, don't witness it with your mouth.



jk1
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04 Apr 2015, 10:39 pm

Gossip is beyond our control. It just spreads like the flu. Even if it's complete rubbish, surprisingly many people simply believe whatever they hear. Or maybe they just want to believe it because they love dramas. Many of the nasty rumors are just exaggerations and blatant lies that come from the creatively bitchy minds. It's frustrating and sad that the majority of the people simply believe rubbish and have totally wrong ideas about you.

When you hear gossip, it doesn't usually tell you much about the person that is gossiped about, but it tells you more about those that tell you the gossip - they cannot be trusted.



DarkAscent
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05 Apr 2015, 2:34 am

I've had to deal with gossip before.

There was a rumour that a friend who I used to me close with and I fancied each other because we used to playfight (we used to pull each other's hair just to annoy the living hell out of each other and to make each other laugh) and study together. I guess it's because our classmates saw the playfighting as flirting because we're both the opposite gender. Then my classmates found out I really did have a crush on him (he worked it out and told a few people - one of these was one of my closest friends who already knew) and that went round the sixth form too. :oops: I felt like I was going to die of shame and embarrassment afterwards. :oops:

Gossip makes you lose trust in people. I never trusted most of my classmates in secondary school because so many of them were into gossip and making bitchy remarks about people. And, Jayo, I agree. When someone (like a friend) accuses you of spreading gossip about them, it shows you how much they think of you and how much they trust you. It hurts a lot when this happens.



League_Girl
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05 Apr 2015, 5:09 pm

How I deal with gossip:

Don't use names
Don't repeat what I have been told or what I have overheard about someone


That way I avoid being part of it. I never know who to trust and if someone will just go to another person and tell them. It's just like the game of telephone and that is how rumors start. If someone asks me what they have heard about someone, I tell them I did hear about it but it's just a rumor because I don't know if it's true.

I think if everyone kept stuff to themselves they were told about another person, it would help prevent gossip.

My mom told me this story when I was about 19. My brother's ex girlfriend came to our house and she trashed his room. She poured pop in his shoes and I don't remember what else she did but she left no damage. Her plan was she does that and my brother sees the mess and calls her and asks her to help clean it up. It backfired instead because he called his new girlfriend and she found out about it and got mad. So she tries to make my brother look bad by going to school the next day and bragging to her friends about it and her friends told other kids about it and other kids told other kids and pretty soon everyone was hearing how she slashed his mattress, broke his window, and leaving other property damage and even teachers were hearing that rumor from their students and kids were telling my brother how crazy she is and good thing he broke up with her. The whole thing backfired on her and she made herself look bad and crazy. It all turned around on her. Oops I just gossiped. :roll: But someone mentioned rumors so I told this story as an example how rumors start thanks to gossip. Kids could not just keep that story to themselves, they thought it was so cool so they had to share it with others. I think that is what she intended to happen but instead it turned into a bunch of rumors and then everyone believed things about her that never happened and instead of making her ex boyfriend look bad and having everyone think she is so cool for getting back at him, she made herself look bad. It did her no good.


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Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses.