If your 27 and never had a girlfriend, is it too late?

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WantToHaveALife
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19 Apr 2015, 2:01 pm

are you too old to be this inexperienced? I turned 27 at the beginning of this year in January, and i'm still single, never had a girlfriend, seriously, although the pain of not having had a girlfriend yet has been painful and frustrating for me for a while, I feel it started hitting the crisis point in my mind, self-esteem wise once I reached 25.

I've had self-esteem, self-confidence issues for a very long time now, never really had a large number of friends or large social circle, I feel that has hurt me a lot with getting a girlfriend since it seems most people meet their future boyfriend/girlfriend through their social circle/mutual friends, etc. I've never had any luck with online dating either.

I will admit, there are times I sometimes feel bitter and resentful towards women, although I do my best to keep it to myself, I never at all mean any harm towards them, when I say bitter and resentful, I mean I am sort of jealous, envious of women because women don't have to be the initiators, as in the onus is not placed on women to do the approaching and asking out, making the first move, etc.

Even though i'm a straight, heterosexual male, I have often said this to myself in my mind for a while now, I have said that I bet if I was born a girl, I very likely would have had a boyfriend a long time ago.

I doubt many of you people in this forum can think of many people my age and older who have never been in a relationship with the opposite sex before, never had a boyfriend/girlfriend. I feel like my youth will be over once I hit my 30's, will be past my prime.



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19 Apr 2015, 2:30 pm

its never too late. Try to look for people with similar interests, joining a certain group activity could help.



1df5e76
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19 Apr 2015, 3:52 pm

I hope not!



Diningroom
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19 Apr 2015, 5:38 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
are you too old to be this inexperienced? I turned 27 at the beginning of this year in January, and i'm still single, never had a girlfriend, seriously, although the pain of not having had a girlfriend yet has been painful and frustrating for me for a while, I feel it started hitting the crisis point in my mind, self-esteem wise once I reached 25.

I've had self-esteem, self-confidence issues for a very long time now, never really had a large number of friends or large social circle, I feel that has hurt me a lot with getting a girlfriend since it seems most people meet their future boyfriend/girlfriend through their social circle/mutual friends, etc. I've never had any luck with online dating either.

I will admit, there are times I sometimes feel bitter and resentful towards women, although I do my best to keep it to myself, I never at all mean any harm towards them, when I say bitter and resentful, I mean I am sort of jealous, envious of women because women don't have to be the initiators, as in the onus is not placed on women to do the approaching and asking out, making the first move, etc.

Even though i'm a straight, heterosexual male, I have often said this to myself in my mind for a while now, I have said that I bet if I was born a girl, I very likely would have had a boyfriend a long time ago.

I doubt many of you people in this forum can think of many people my age and older who have never been in a relationship with the opposite sex before, never had a boyfriend/girlfriend. I feel like my youth will be over once I hit my 30's, will be past my prime.


It's never too late -- and would suggest you start with improving your social skills and making friends (both male and female), as a first step.



AnonymousAnonymous
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19 Apr 2015, 5:48 pm

No, it is never too late for anything involving a relationship. It's been roughly two years since I broke up with my previous girlfriend, yet I often come off as the type who never has had a girlfriend at all.


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autismthinker21
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19 Apr 2015, 6:10 pm

Its like a interview for a job. You get lucky or you don't.


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19 Apr 2015, 10:10 pm

Nope, it's not too late. You're still a young pup, at age 27. :D I have known people well into their 70's that managed to score a girlfriend/boyfriend. There are always people out there looking, you just have to be in the right place at the right time.



CoffinCrawler
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19 Apr 2015, 10:14 pm

OP: I'm 28 and I've never been in a relationship either. I'm a female with Asperger's so I doubt the gender thing has anything to do with it. I've had sex a few times before, but never been in a romantic intimate relationship. Men will initiate conversation with me, but I usually fail to reciprocate the required social behaviors (eye contact, smile, small talk, flirting, etc) to keep them interested in me. I'm also guilty of purposefully turning some men away because I just didn't feel like they were compatible with me on an intellectual and emotional level. Or I found some were moving too quickly for me, such as wanting to have sex right away, and it was overwhelming because I don't connect to people quickly like they do. I have to be more cautious as a female aspie because it's so easy for me to get stuck with someone abusive and not even realize it. It seems hopeless at times, but I still have faith that maybe someday I'll meet someone good for me. As cliché as it sounds, you just gotta keep looking.



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19 Apr 2015, 10:38 pm

I know how you feel.. i am 31 and never had a girlfriend. As others have said though it is never too late. I have come a long way with my social anxieties over the last couple of years you just got to work on that some, that really matters more then anything else with relationships.



cathylynn
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19 Apr 2015, 10:46 pm

i got married for the first time at age 52. have been happily married for 6 years. it's never too late.



michael517
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19 Apr 2015, 10:59 pm

Meanwhile, go read "How to Win Friends and Influence People", by Dale Carnegie.

Then go read "Be Different", by Jon Elder Robison. Then read it again, especially the part about how you bore people with your incessant talking about crap only you care about --- and --- how you can't even tell you are boring them. Good grief, I was doing it to my kids on the way home from church. I have found this WAY HARDER than it sounds. And practice at work, asking people how their weekend was, and then PAY ATTENTION! And check out, the NTs will ask you about your weekend, and as you reply, keep it to less than a minute.

And I am probably boring you right now, come to think of it. Again, way harder than you think.

Then go back and re-read Dale Carnegie again.

I have given up on trying to fix the eye contact thing, I am trying to fix the above problem.



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20 Apr 2015, 1:27 am

michael517 wrote:
I have given up on trying to fix the eye contact thing
You ever try wearing sunglasses? i have heard that helps with overcoming that problem, not tried it yet myself though so I'm not really sure if it actually helps.



sly279
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20 Apr 2015, 2:10 am

27 as well and I think for me anyways it is. I considering moving up my plans. even living to 35 now seems too horrible.



The_Face_of_Boo
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20 Apr 2015, 4:38 am

cathylynn wrote:
i got married for the first time at age 52. have been happily married for 6 years. it's never too late.


Marrying =/= getting a boyfriend/girlfriend.


Marriage is a mutual decision you take after you've been in close relationship for a while.

But your late marriage doesn't reflect your inability of getting relationships in any way, you may had got 100 boyfriends before but you felt to marry the 101th for some reason.

The OP's problem however that he never got any kind of relationship at 27 so he's right to question his ability to get any.



WantToHaveALife
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20 Apr 2015, 6:33 am

CoffinCrawler wrote:
OP: I'm 28 and I've never been in a relationship either. I'm a female with Asperger's so I doubt the gender thing has anything to do with it. I've had sex a few times before, but never been in a romantic intimate relationship. Men will initiate conversation with me, but I usually fail to reciprocate the required social behaviors (eye contact, smile, small talk, flirting, etc) to keep them interested in me. I'm also guilty of purposefully turning some men away because I just didn't feel like they were compatible with me on an intellectual and emotional level. Or I found some were moving too quickly for me, such as wanting to have sex right away, and it was overwhelming because I don't connect to people quickly like they do. I have to be more cautious as a female aspie because it's so easy for me to get stuck with someone abusive and not even realize it. It seems hopeless at times, but I still have faith that maybe someday I'll meet someone good for me. As cliché as it sounds, you just gotta keep looking.


I always find it more shocking to hear of a woman who has never had a boyfriend(and she is past a certain age) than the other way around, because women are not dealt with the card of being the initiator.