Are you emotionally detached out of choice?

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Mr. Powers
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01 May 2015, 5:58 pm

Well, I finally found at least something I really relate to. It was a decision I took over a decade ago and is still holding strong and kinda made sense as to why I'm so extremely closed off today.

I wonder how many there are here like this? And how many are like this in the world?



em_tsuj
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01 May 2015, 8:24 pm

I'm like this. It is a conscious decision now, but I don't think I have full control over it. I first shut myself off when my best friend moved away when I was a teenager. I never opened myself up completely to another person ever again. It wasn't by choice. I just couldn't allow myself to do it. A little over a year ago my whole life changed completely. It almost physically hurt, I felt so alone. I made a conscious choice that time not to have any close relationships. Today I go through the motions of relationships but don't really feel very much for anybody. It hurts tremendously when I like someone and they leave, so I choose not to let down my walls. That way when relationships end, I don't feel pain.



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01 May 2015, 10:22 pm

I've been told I'm like this. Outwardly it apparently appears to others that I'm walled off, that I have barriers up.
And yes I'm distrusting and will want to suss someone out before I interact with them past superficially, but who isn't like that? From inside its not that I'm walled off because I'm afraid of getting hurt - I favour the Buddhist philosophical principle of non-attachment much more than detatchment. I'm interested in engaging, I'm just not going to invest the whole basis for my emotional equilibrium into a conceptual straight-jacket of a relationship with another person.


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olympiadis
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02 May 2015, 10:39 am

It's more of a defense mechanism that gets conditioned in than it is a conscious choice.


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felinesaresuperior
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02 May 2015, 11:01 am

I didnt make a conscious decision to be detached, but might have subconsciously. I was told my cat was going to die, and then she ran away and i was sure she was dead for more than two months, and then she came back and died two months later, and then my other cat died...

and then i started not caring so much, not grieving so intensely in order to survive. i'm detached from people ever since my twenties when i was rejected and hurt so many times that i just gave up on being around people.


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ToughDiamond
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02 May 2015, 11:41 am

I used to quite deliberately dismiss emotions as an outmoded relic of barbarism when I was in my 20s. My hero was Mr. Spock. I changed my mind after a few years, because I had become concerned about my ability to make and keep friends and partners, I had begun to study psychology to find out what makes people tick, and the Relate people were telling me that relationships are about feelings. I began to prefer Captain Kirk to Mr. Spock.

I'm sure I'm still emotionally detached to some extent, compared to NTs, but it's no longer by choice. I really like it when I know how the people in my life feel and how I feel myself, and I wish I always got that right. Emotions rather fascinate me, it's as if a human being is like a car with two drivers - it can be done as long as the drivers learn to co-operate.



cavernio
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02 May 2015, 7:31 pm

olympiadis wrote:
It's more of a defense mechanism that gets conditioned in than it is a conscious choice.


My experience also, at least at this point in my life.

When I was a child I think I purposefully adopted it though. Does wonders for one's focus. Now I don't focus because I find little reason to. Too much edge not enough middle.


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justkillingtime
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03 May 2015, 12:05 pm

I think for me it is about 30% choice and 60% default setting.


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leozelig
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03 May 2015, 12:29 pm

I think the older I get the harder it is to be more emotionally attached to someone. It takes A LOT of effort.



justkillingtime
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03 May 2015, 12:35 pm

justkillingtime wrote:
I think for me it is about 30% choice and 60% default setting.


I meant 30% choice and 70% default setting. I'm having difficulty thinking today.


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