'shutdowns' and dealing with them

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Hi everyone, I'm new to the site, I've been reading a few accounts of people's experiences of "shutdowns".
I've been researching my own symptoms a lot recently, and one thing that used to come up a lot in social situations was, if anything came up I didn't know how to deal with, I would become totally silent. Like my brain would go into complete overload trying to deal with what happened, to the point where I couldn't say anything, or even move sometimes. This came up a lot in a flat I used to share with friends, but since I've been living alone I've noticed it doesn't happen as much. I think having my own space to retreat to is quite a big help.
Obviously at the time I didn't think anything about autism, I just didn't know what was going on. the symptoms were so bad back then, that I'd literally battle hour to hour just to get through... one little thing could send my head into a spin for the whole rest of the day. I still don't really know whats going on, I've been blindly battling through situations for years, this is just the start of my journey to figure out what has been happening in my head. Do other people find that symptoms get milder as you get older, or just easier to control and work around?
Any one else have any experiences of what I mean by shutdowns?
I've been thinking of going to a doctor for a diagnosis, but to be honest I can't risk anything affecting my job and I'm really worried that would happen. For me personally I haven't had many issues at work, because I'm talking about something I have expertise in, the situation is a logical one, I can get on quite easily day to day. I have never made friends at work though, I don't understand why people would want to be friends with their colleagues.n I've heard that if you are diagnosed you have to tell your employer by law. since I've never had any shutdown experiences at work, the last thing I want is to affect my job....

I do not know where you live but in most places you do not need to tell your employer.

I can tell you how I deal with shutdowns as well as meltdowns. I always monitor my stress levels and, I try to get to a secluded place to vent, before things get out of control. It's like constantly pumping pressure into a tank. You have to open the relief valve and let some of the pressure out and, If you don't, the tank will explode. You are just gonna have to learn to managed this and vent when you need to or have an opportunity to do so. It's like taking a piss now, when you don't need to, so your bladder is empty and you won't have to do it later on.

My shutdowns happen at different levels. Sometimes I just become extra withdrawn and robot like. Sometimes I become catatonic. That can result in me basically sitting upright, motionless, glassy eyed, vacant expression. Or curling in a ball motionless and making no sounds. I always have a caregiver, either family or teacher with me. So they have different methods of bringing me out of it, either as it starts or during. If I detect it happening, deep breathing and sometimes slapping myself (like on the leg) can avert a shutdown. Drinking cold water helps me too.

My sister likes to bring me to the mall, I like to go too but she stays too long and I often shut down, then when she talks to me I cannot respond which frustrates my sister. The best thing i can do is isolate myself for maybe a half hour or more, drawing, listening to music or watching Sonic Boom.

I think this is something every human being can potentially experience, but it probably takes a lot more to overwhelm someone who doesn't have Autism and leave them in a temporarily stupefied state.

For myself, I can often be garrulous in conversation -great way to camouflage yourself- but to me they're just words. When it comes to expressing feelings, particularly in situations where I am obligated to against my will, I often tighten up and the power of speech leaves me. My mind goes completely blank and I'm looking at my shoes. Emotions will flash in front of me but I'm unable to give them voice.

I've learned its better to say nothing at times like that than potentially say the wrong thing, because during those states my conscious self doesn't have full access to all of the information I otherwise would and thus my decision-making processes and speech patterns can be affected. I probably do harbor a deep-seated fear of falling into such situations around people who don't know me, it panics me to imagine having to explain myself at such a time.

Smiling and laughing or cracking a joke is a great way to diffuse these situations, sometimes I'm able to do that unless things hit me particularly hard.

Thanks everyone for your help and advice. I've been developing ways to come across as normal for years, and returning to an isolated place is always something that seems to help. These days, knowing an exact time later in the day to get back to my 'safe spot' is a big help. it doesn't make situations much easier but it helps to at least take away the unpredictability. I'm self employed and live alone, which helps me to control most aspects of my day to day life, knowing I can escape if I have to. Also the fact that my work involves me talking about my area of expertise, and there a never groups of people to deal with means I've had no problems in my work for years.
socially I don't struggle with shutdowns anymore as much, mostly because I've changed my lifestyle and surroundings so much so there are no triggers. When I was younger, I lived with flatmates, and we shared a communal living area. I used to shutdown when anyone came over I didn't know, when someone asked me something (especially about me), if any of my flat mates wanted to go out somewhere at an unexpected time. They didn't understand and neither did I, I lost touch with them all when I moved out. They probably assume I just didn't like them. it got worse I ended up shutting down even at the thought that one of those things might happen, even just by being sat in the communal area eventually. living and working on my own have definitely helped, I'm in a position to look back and understand it a lot better.