Rants

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For many years I thought I could conquer my social ineptitude but it just gets worse. It’s a dog eat dog world. I knew it was tough but I never realized just how much. For many years I still held onto one belief called hope but that along with everything else is fading steadily. I’m tired and frustrated. There is nothing I can be optimistic about at this point in my life.

Ew. Robodogs can't come soon enough. Hope it wasn't too stinky.

I'm exactly where you are. I'm way beyond hope now, even courage. I think it's just habit that keeps me going most days.

Let's hope it's a case of 'it's always darkest before the dawn'.

Eh, foolish youth, trying to act smart in front of each other. Don't let them intimidate you. Footpaths ARE for walking on. SMH...

When you remember thinking that you were being nice to a person in a wheel chair by asking them if they would mind being pushed and they take advantage of you by asking for money.

I f---g hate apathy. The first things kindergarteners should be taught is exposure by behavioral economic experts and scientists giving extensive talks with kids about how addiction, apathy and the human impulse to 'rip each other off' is embedded and how 'they're the good ones' not yet screwed over on which all hope is riding on.

No more apathy, only pressure. .

I so hate my upstairs neighbour. I'm sure she never has carpets or any type of flooring, because it sounds like she's always walking on bare floorboards. And she's the type that is always there all the time (I don't think she works), and she doesn't stop walking around her apartment. If I'm in all day, all I can hear is her walking around all day long, and no matter what room I'm in she always seems to be above that room. It's like she never sits down, she's always on the move. My boyfriend says she might be a compulsive cleaner, as we are always hearing the vacuum going.
But sometimes when I'm having a pyjama day, I like to hear the birds singing or the rain pouring or other natural noises like that, but all I hear all day long is her moving about above me.

Obviously she's unaware that she's making all this noise, but we don't like to tell her because that might make her feel restricted to move about or do anything in her own home, and we'll feel guilty. But it's just annoying that we have to live underneath a rather eccentric person who has no carpets and constantly walks around all day and even night (I think she's an insomniac). She lives on her own and I never see people going round there.

There's no point posting negative crap on WP.
Negative crap is my f****d up way of trying to get everyone else to solve my problems, and let's face it, my problems can't be solved, so suck it up princess.
It's attention seeking, ego stoking rubbish.
And all the advice is the same old same old anyway.
I may as well be f*****g happy, or indifferent at least.

Someone needs to fix my brain FAST

~"It's a cartoon, why wouldn't it be for kids?"

When you think how the same ppl who enjoy 'Sausage party' and 'Happytime murders' would judge and heckle you for liking 'Jin-roh: the wolf brigade' and other seinen like anime productions.

Something probably (objectively) bad happened.

He knew. I'm pretty sure he remembers.

He keeps hinting he knows and it wasn't a big deal or a bad thing. I go between those two emotions and thinking it was a bad thing. He won't handle the possibility it was bad.

I wouldn't mind except he keeps alluding to it and making jokes.

That pisses me off. Cos he clearly didn't/doesn't give a f**k. Tribalism at its worst.

How often is classism sustained by some b---d clerk who never grew up beyond the stereotypes of having possible temperament spread thinly/ their f---g apathy by repetitive activities?

I hope that uppity Fillipino seeming clerk isn't at the ~'housing Hamilton' place >:l .

....so much racism towards black ppl both demographics of 'the diaspora' and non-diaspora groups seem to be based on how (given the aftermath of the historical treatment/intergenerational wealth theft/screwing over of freedom of the former) you are consistently presented as a consummate and utter ridiculous walking, living inferiority complex who is 'always fair game' for ridicule to be associated with anything shameful..for some reason..https://youtu.be/kBwVWrBk_uo?t=114 .

While I am at this, let me admit this--in this apparent 'safe space'. I've never really found black ppl (black women) too attractive but I sure as h--- know not to ridicule and disparage them or anyone on the basis of appearance. Heinous racial policies (ex. phrenology's influence) have been taken for granted and enacted before. Utter testaments to human stupidity and their materiality on so f---g shallow a basis. The poignancy of the infamy of how black ppl have been treated is not lost on me...I will admit that the utterly unjustified apathy of a jacka-- of female who identify's 'culturally' as black, who I used to have feelings for me 'flares up' within me as well as (does it count if you 'pretend(?)' to live as if your not to an extent Indo-Carribean(?)))...observations I made at the call centre.

Nota, que muchos depiciones acerca de gente moreno son basado a lo menudo con personas morenos Angloparlante en mente/Notice, many depictions about black ppl are commonly based with English speaking black people in mind. It took me years to figure out what mestizaje meant to me and it's importance; half-Native, half-white. If I knew I was to a 'fair extent' black given conspicuous features and a background to black ppl demographics say in the Dominican Republic, Peru or even El Salvador for that matter, things could have been different. Goodness knows how 1st and 2nd generation sub-Saharan Africans process this either with an 'apparent' indifference or making efforts to differentiate themselves with questionable levels of 'annoyance' when it comes to how ppl might project on them...that's before getting into the issues with how understated and misunderstood English speaking Caribbean black ppl feel in trying to establish themselves as something more than over-commodified vacation areas, unambigiously built on the backs of slavery's horrors which functionally ended decades before the infamy of what it would take to stop in the .U.S.

Being Hispanic should 'black ppl mean something different to me'...being Hispanic why would 'black ppl mean something different to you'? ..good question.

Country music, camping and local sports..there is more to 'white ppl' than that.

still waiting for the police to question the neighbors about anything related to the fire
or ain't they,
no, brutal phoney electricity "officials" claim you must let them in or your electricity gets cut off, wtf - iz that,
some aggressif smartmeter pushers?

hmm..how heartened I feel when someone responds to me..

___

--Jasmeet Singh/'Jusreign' in a video.

I forget which one I would be quoting nor do I feel energized to seek out a proper citation. I find him really annoying and despite the good intentionality of a 'Toronto immigrant offspring trying to reflect his community' vibe that he tries to go for (apparent soon-to-be Seth Meyers replacement Lilly Singh does it only a bit better), it increasingly comes off to me as 'quasi-non-endogamous bro culture representative of a minority representing 'working class' inferiority complex'.

The sort of thing that I you try to avoid/ saw as a major final cause of an education/learning system which wasn't suppose to l:< fail you, as apparently ppl ~60 years before you thought and the sort of thing (humour, the sense of humour) which you don't think is going to age well or at least would think wouldn't age well depending on how politics et al develop.

Mexie. Female Toronto Caucasian Canadian whose videos are nicely thorough in discussing theoretical politics.
JJ Mccullough. Leftist in her speaking. Former(?) Vancouverite resident Caucasian Canadian only ~5 yrs older than me and can still pull off meaningful videos about Canadian history and current politics though that density isn't as much his 'meat and potatoes' as it is for Mexie. He is also apparently a conservative and gay.

https://youtu.be/dpYRZdw0UpA?t=46

THOSE. The more often than not non-frivolity of meaningful videos about domestic issues coming from ppl in my age demographic..I can't help but think that if someone in a minority were churning out stuff like Mexie or JJ aside from the criticism of espousing 'victim politics' ('it's a given' you can expect by Youtube commenters, Caucasian or not), they would be relatively shrugged off by ppl like Jasmeet who see the validity but barely really tap into that sort of intellectual effort b/c 'bro culture' or the culture from elementary or high school or post-secondary social circles is more familiar and enticing to espouse even though you realize it's the sort of thing you wouldn't wish anyone to struggle with. Anyone to continue struggling with.

To his credit the video where he explains his experience at a factory was great for not taking for granted, the stuff I grew up avoiding/fearing from what pains and demeaning I heard from my parents whilst showing the realities of non-'Canadian niceness'/mildness.

Sucky

I would buy her a lovely pair of soft slippers in a beautiful colour, wrap them in a bow and leave them outside her door after pressing the bell. Maybe she'd take the subtle hint.

Well, sometimes it's nice just to vent, and you never know, someone may have the solution to your problem. Hope you're feeling better about it soon anyway, whatever it is.