Rants

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Bloody woman upstairs. Fancy living in an apartment below a person who is an insomniac and a compulsive cleaner. We can tell exactly what she is doing by the sound of her feet toing and froing above us every day, and now that she's self-isolating we hear her every minute of the day. She vacuums her apartment about twice a day, pulling out furniture so that she can get into every corner. We can hear the vacuum rumbling across the floor above us and it is so irritating! I don't think she has carpets in her apartment either. And each time she goes in or out of each room she slams the door behind her, and she produces other bangs that makes us jump.

But what can one do in a situation like this? You can't tell her not to move about in her own home, can you? You can't make her feel afraid to move around too much in her own home. I just wish we lived below someone who was a bit less active and didn't have sleep deficits. If I can't sleep at night I don't start doing housework at 2am. I do a quiet activity like reading a magazine, watching TV quietly, surfing the internet, and any other activity that is more appropriate to do at night.

All dad does is moan. He has a guitar, he has books, he has floor space. And he's 'bored'...

Stop telling me you're bored & go do something other than watch TV. Or at least stick on Netflix not the news 24/7.

So so sooooo lonely
I just want to be safe in Jeddah where things were nicer with family
The extended family here are just token family they dont actually do anything bsides ask once in a while how you are.. The ones in Jeddah had better hearts. Even though the ones here originally were in Jeddah n Riyadh they act so distant

^Culture difference i imagine. I often hear this from people i know who immigrated to the west, that they feel lonely. Middle east countries seem more social in general compared to western countries.

But the family i have here grew up there till their twenties ...their parents are here too.

Also if you look at ppl who lived in N America for generations their families meet up and do things. Go places like aquariums amusement parks etc As well clubs at things like church or community centre. Etc.
My family here do none of it .. If they do they do it on their own

my rant is: i don't want to study but i also don't want to be useless but i also don't want to study.

I will never truly be happy again.

How does one get delivery drivers to use the doorbell? How am I supposed to hear a knock on a locked screen door? No sense.

(Not actually looking for answers. I just tend to vent in question form.)

The thing that cannot be said but always sad. but i have lots of good things happen

.. I'd sooner let it die, or even outright kill it than letting it suffer longer under our so-called 'care'.
If it truly up to me, I'd set it free where real care can certainly happen but NOOOooooo.


And hell no I refuse to volunteer, judgment be damned.
I choose NOT to love and already decided to choose not to act on care. Conscience or empath's empathy be damned, this is my choice.

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Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

Another day .
another day spent productively ostensibly but when the kids leave I know I have no more energy to think properly

The woman messed up my life almost 8 years ago. My mom confirmed it wasmedical malpractice. And covid19 means no appointments. Even before it was hard to get an appointment and the system here is so convoluted and i doubt there is a solution
Just suicide but no means and the inclination isn't as strong as the sense of duty

I don't know what to feel when confronted with people's hate and evil acts anymore. I can't comprehend hateful people and start to feel hateful myself and i don't want it and start to ignore things. But then i feel irresponsible.
Just wish i could live in my own bubble forever, like the current quarantine situation. when i was trying to be a sincere and friendly person people seemed annoyed with me and even made fun of me. To this day i believe being too kind and open with people is a mistake. Because some people are jealous of that openness, sometimes treat you as a ret*d and like to hurt you. Be yourself is the worst advice ever, to people like me at least. I couldn't live in this hell of a society without hiding myself.

I wish my boyfriend didn't put smoking first before anything else. He spends so much money on cigarettes then wonders why he hasn't got any money for other things like birthday cards for loved ones. He didn't even get me a birthday card because he couldn't afford it but he still always seems to have packs of cigarettes that he buys from the store. To make things worse, he has COPD and a bad cough (smoking-related), so he should be self-isolating, but he still goes out to get cigarettes. And I bet that's what a lot of other smokers are doing, smokers who have health conditions or compromised immune systems that should be self-isolating. I will certainly not buy his cigarettes, as I do not want him smoking at all. But each time he goes to light another cigarette he says, "I'm stressed." But in actual fact, his smoking is actually the CAUSE of his stress right now. He can't sleep properly because of his coughing that gets worse when he lies down, but complains about having to sleep upright in a chair. He's at more risk of getting ill from coronavirus which is causing him panic attacks. His COPD is caused by years of heavy smoking. He tells me to be quiet whenever I try to help him quit or even try e-cigarettes, but then yells at me when he can't breathe due to his lungs getting tired from coughing too much.

So whatever I do is wrong. Smoking has really taken over his mind and life, and he is suffering physically and mentally from the bad effects of smoking but won't listen when people are trying to help. I get a good night's sleep in our lovely, comfy bed, because I don't have a self-inflicted cough. (I'd be more sympathetic if his cough was not caused by smoking or he was at least trying to help himself).

I know nicotine is addictive but as a non-smoker I just don't know how it gets to be so addictive. I mean, ingesting toxic chemicals into the lungs is just baffling to me. There are plenty of other harmful habits to abuse your body with, but smoking is the WORST and the most non-essential. Your lungs need you during this crisis, and if you carry on abusing them then you are just putting more strain on the NHS and are actually taking the piss really. Sorry if that sounds harsh to all the smokers here who think that smoking is the cure for stress, but it's just how I feel.