adult meltdowns and anxeity

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how do anxiety and meltdowns manifest themselves in ASD adults? For you personally?

for me it's many of the following

1. a constant search for "answers". I often feel logical answers will cure my feelings of fear and anxiety. Moments like these I spend hours and hours on my computer doing "research"

2. I tend to smother people in order to get answers to my problems. [in other words, I try to mind read and "fish"]. This often results in more anxiety and stress as I worry about being off putting to people. I've done this to employers in the past [not so much anymore as I've learned]. These are jobs I usually don't keep.

3. I become socially withdrawn, I tend to be much more social than the average aspie, but not when I'm anxious and/or stressed. It just becomes to much for me and I tend to tell everyone to "leave me alone".

I also look for "logical answers" -- but alas much of the NT world doesn't run on "logical answers". I find this very disconcerting.

I spend hours doing computer research, and tend to ask too many direct questions which apparently NT's consider to be rude and/or offensive. I have become socially withdrawn even though I have a very outgoing personality. Trying to remember all the "rules" of socially engaging with the NT majority I find exhausting, so I limit my interactions to clearly defined ones -- ie. hiring someone to do lawn work. They work - I pay them and say "thank you".

As far as meltdowns, I have them on a regular basis no matter how hard I try to avoid them. For me they manifest as frustration that builds to the point where I spontaneously burst out crying, and can't stop. Fortunately I am quick to recognize a meltdown coming, can hide from public view, and usually just sob quietly in a restroom. At home when I am alone, I burst out crying while loudly proclaiming any and every curse word I know.

thank you for the reply

hahah the world would work so much better if things were this simple. Leave any drama and politics for anywhere else.

I dream of a world where I can just work my butt off and get paid for my labor. No questions asks, no additional and irrelevent additions required. But alas this is off topic and I'm being a bit to simple

Your welcome.

I also dream of such a world. Even something as simple as hiring someone to do lawn work requires "additional and irrelevent additions" .... the man I hired LOVES to chat and I have to pretend that I am listening and care.