I have my assessment in 3 weeks and im nervous

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Hi,
I'm not really sure why I'm here. But I have my assessment coming up at the beginning of June, and with the leaflets and info on Aspergers im starting to become much more aware of just how many symptoms I have and im feeling confused and overwhelmed.
I just wanted to meet someone or people on here I guess to keep in touch with who may relate to me, cos all this is new to me (although I have lived with the symptoms all my life, I always just it was normal, but now I'm realising more and more, it's not.)
I'm 26, and I do think I have aspergers but I am not 100% sure.
I have always had intense obsessions, only few, but loved them to a outrageous extent. Currently it's a singer and has been the singer for several years, I often get very distressed and upset when I can't pursue my dream of meeting him/attend concerts etc.
I talk to literally anyone, and people say I can't have aspergers because I'm 'social' but the thing is, I am that socially awkward and have no clue what to say, that I usually say anything to break the awkwardness. Does anyone understand what I mean?
I tend to argue a lot and hold my values close to my heart.
I also struggle with sarcasm and take everything to heart. I used to think it was paranoia but now I realise it's not, it's just me taking things very wrong.
I was expelled from school. And I'm still getting into trouble in my adulthood, but I've more so calmed down and tutors at college are more understanding as I have told them my issues.
I was diagnosed with emotional unstable personality disorder, but I do feel like I have aspergers.
I read a blog once, from an older lady with aspergers, it was the first time I laughed out loud whilst reading, and I had never felt more 'right' and part of a group, than when I read her words and her story and the difficulties, like mine which she had.
I tend not to laugh when other people laugh, and I hate it when people do things that are expected. If everyone says stand up, I will sit down.
I also from a young age have been able to see things people can not, not in a freaky way, but I feel like my sight is over sensitive. If something shimmers in the corner of my eye it's a big deal. Like I can spot one piece of glitter on a carpet overly. I also smell cutlery and cups before I use them, people often take offence to this and think I'm making sure their stuffs clean. My sense of smell is very over the top and if I touch certain things I feel sick, and even get pain in my teeth if I touch cotton wool. Can anyone relate to any of this? Or am I just weird. I've met many doctors and tried counselling but they all say I'm 'too complex' but I think that's because aspergers wasn't in the equation.
My heads battered, I feel like such an outsider. i have two close friends but can argue with them, and I push them away because of my behaviour.
I'm also the most indecisive person ever. I can never make a decision.
️Anyway, rambled on and don't even know what my question is, but I suppose I iust want to get it all out. And see if anyone relates to the things I do.
Hope to meet some nice people through this. Thanks for reading
Xx

Welcome to the site. I relate to your argumentativeness and holding your values close.

Welcome.

I am similar situation as you - I am undergoing a diagnostic process (I have a half-official diagnosis by autism specialist since last year, but I still need the differential diagnosis from psychiatrist and psychologist). My assessment is also almost 3 weeks from now, at the beginning of June. Thinking about it is certainly overwhelming and confusing.

Let's go through it together!

No longer than yesterday I started questioning my traits again because an office lady that sees me for 5 minutes every 2 months told me I come across as nice, outgoing, confident, empathic girl and she would never guess I have any trouble with social interaction. I indeed may look like that because I am constantly smiling in social settings but it is an act and it doesn't help getting my real feelings acknowledged. For example I might just say "It is really stressing..." with a smile and get no answer from people around (or hear "It's going to be fine." at best) but then I get a full blown meltdown after leaving the place and getting somewhere where I can be alone and drop my act. When I say something is stressing me I mean it is so stressful I am on my limits but my smile and the way I say it apparently makes people think I am only telling them I am slightly nervous.

This doesn't surprise me. I've come to see that people tend to prioritize "body language" over speech in their understandings (or misunderstandings) of others.

Thanks for mentioning that, starkid. Sounds like an useful statement to keep in mind.

Jasparch, I'm in the same kind of situation too. I deeply think that Asperger/autism/whatever the name is the key to understand my struggles, but I can't escape the doubt as a reasonable person. I'm also nervously waiting for an appointment I have in two weeks in one of the officially competent institutions of my country.

Reading blogs of people with Asperger and being astonished by how f*****g well one can relate to it, I think it is a common starting point amongst people who seriously consider being autistic (at least it was for me). I would be curious to know the percentage of the said people who actually got a positive diagnosis.

I also see things people around me don't see/pay attention to. I smell glasses, bowls, cups and plates before using them. I'm getting more and more obsessed by a musician (John Frusciante) for 5 good years. I don't think you're weird, or at least you're not weird alone.

Oops, I'm sorry. I didn't saw that the thread was in the Woman's Discussion. (I came here through starkid posts, because I find them interesting)

My little brother has autism offically and now I'm going to the doctor aged 21! I had speech problems as a child, anorexia as a teen (in hospital) and suffer high anxiety socially to the point I'm 'monitoring' everything I say or do.i'll often write a fb status only to delete it 2 or 3 times and then not post it! I get very confused over when to say hi to people or text people as I feel to weird about it and just think if they wanted to speak to me surely they'd text me! I think I used to be so much more upset about not having female friends but now I just accept it and do my own thing! I work as a stripper (I know weird, seeming as being social seems like a big part of stripping) but the thing is it's reallt good for me. I dont have a boss(bosses are hard for me to deal with) there are set situations and phrases you can use and lots of tips and info online about how to persuade people to pay for dances and how to develop your dance 'character' and everyone there is eccentric so to them I just seem a little odd and quirky which in that industry being different is a good thing! The only thing i think i could get help with now as a adult is dealing with internal anxiety, maybe work on having female friends and understanding unspoke communication, also people say I wear my thoughts (meaning I am to expressive) although im not aware of it and sometimes offend people which upsets me it would be good if i could be more flexible too so hopefully a diagnosis offically could get me the help (sorry for my spelling!) xxxx

Wow you are all so lovely.
I also write a facebook status, delete it, or write it and worry about how im perceived.
Thanks for all your lovely replies, my favourite sentence was 'you're not weird, or at least you're not weird alone.'
I often find things take over my life, like I may have plans for days and weeks but if somethig else strikes my attention, I will be totally drawn to that one thing, and forget the rest. Also majorly indecisive and change my mind so quickly about EVERYTHING!
It's really stressful. I had a pre assessment they said I fulfill criteria. Just really would love a pen pal type thing. Will anyone be one? Long term kinda thing. Like to send long emails to? And reply to eachother just think sharing it will help. If you do, inbox me with your email add and info.
Thanks for all the replies and thanks in advance for any future replies.

Hi guys Ah my head is battered!! !!
So I had my assessment today.
He told me he needs more information.8 started crying and I told him I can't handle life anymore. Being branded with a persoanlity disorder, bipolar tendencies , being given tablets nothing working, getting in trouble at school, college, arguing with members of authority, having obsessions to where I can't breathe and cry over it, social awkwardness, not knowing when it's my chance to speak, not knowing what's right and acceptable to say in a conversation, not picking up on social cues, aspergers is my gateway to a better future, I know I have it, I fall into the criteria so deeply. Thinking bad now he was nice but he said what would you do if I told you you didn't have it and I just broke down and said I would feel like life is not worth living, because it's the only explanation for my behaviour, and if it's not that, and it is a personality disorder, I can't handle it, because I point towards aspergers much more and none of the therapy has worked for that!
I hope im making sense to you guys.
Does any one understand what I mean?
Am I acting not logical?
I am depending on this diagnosis. EVERYTHING makes sense to me here, I relate to so many of you, I finally, for once, feel a part of a community.
I'm scared he will tell me I haven't got it. Although he has said, I need more info. Coming back on 18th June.
Any advice to calm me would be so greatly appreciated.
Tthank you for reading x

He needs more info so there is nothing to worry about yet.

It was just first assessment, right?

They can't say anything more than that when they first met you no matter how autistic you seem. You will need to have some tests done and they will have to spend enough time with you to know you better. As long as you do the tests truthfully, gather enough info about your childhood traits and act how you usually act Asperger should pop up.

And even if not - think of it this way: if it isn't Asperger or even if it is but they diagonalize you with something else the symptoms will be close enough for you to get some benefit from therapy and accommodations at school/workplace. You say you were taking some drugs for your problems before and they didn't help but it might just mean the specific drugs were not working for you - some people are immune to some drugs and they need alternative ones. Drugs can be used in Asperger too, for example to threat anxiety, depression or sensory defensiveness. They won't heal all problems but they make live easier.

And therapy groups for social anxiety and some personality disorders can teach you how to successfully deal with people and your emotions. I have a feeling the therapy for ODD would especially help in your case because you tend to argue with authorities and seem to intentionally act against the majority("I tend not to laugh when other people laugh, and I hate it when people do things that are expected. If everyone says stand up, I will sit down."). You might even have it and still have Asperger because ODD can be AS comorbid (apparently 1 in 10 people with AS have it) although it might just mimic AS too.

My assessment coming up in 5 days. Wish me luck!

When I went through the assessment, I had similar thoughts. At the time, I had no idea what I would be diagnosed with (Asperger's or some combination of Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, Schizoid, General Anxiety Disorder, etc.).

Even after being diagnosed, I was quite a bit skeptical of the entire process. This, despite the fact that I had a fairly complete battery of tests performed.

Fast forward 2 years and I finally realize that, ultimately, it doesn't matter what I was diagnosed with. As the diagnosis didn't change who I am. I am still the same person I was before the diagnosis. Without a doubt, the diagnosis does help me better understand my differences (and why things are the way they are for me). It also frees me to be more accepting of myself. And, to avoid that pressure of trying to be more like everyone else.

What is comforting, is that you are not alone. And, there are others who are just like you.

Thanks for that reply
My sister always says the same.:. That I am still me..:
But for some reason, it means a lot to me, I need to know the diagnosis because I am at loggerheads.... Personality disorder meds, mood stabilisers , CBT none has worked and I don't feel I fit into that properly , with aspergers I guess I do more now that I have read up on it.
I know I'll be the same person, but I never was happy with the person before, so how can I be still? I need to discover who I am, and why i act how I act, meet people similar and sort out methods of just coping!
He's coming back18th, see what he says then. I'm feeling much more calm now.
I just am scared...
If he says no I'll feel like hitting a brick wall..
But I should be ok. Whatever will be will be. Just been swamped with depression and anxiety latey so. Everything's like magnified:
X

OK, that's it for now.

I had my assessment today but I think it went well - diagnosis wise.
I didn't like it. The psychologist was asking me hard question such as "What happened since last visit" (last visit was over a month ago - couldn't he be more precise?) and classic "How do you feel?".

I got confused a lot, disconnected once (I gave up on the question, turned off thinking process and started playing with my hands to kill time, lol), misunderstood/didn't understand the question a few times and even told the guy to stop blinking his eyes because it was distracting me (he was blinking way more than necessary). LOL

In the end he came to conclusion: "Apparently you have trouble recognizing other people emotional states, understanding emotional intimacy and naming your own feelings" and when I agreed he made a "checked" sign in air, said "So we are don't with the first aspect of diagnosis" and invited me for next visit - in over a month.

I am wondering what "aspect" of Asperger it was supposed to be because for me what he "checked" seems to fit alexithymia more which isn't in the ASD diagnostic criteria (although I heard about 85% of aspies people have it) but it maybe he knows what he is doing. Maybe it is his version of " Persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction across multiple contexts".

At least he correctly identified the traits and he told me "it's OK if you cannot answer, that's what I am checking by asking such questions" when I was getting irritated by my inability to answer them so it seems to go well so far. Other psychologists asked me similar questions before but I was never getting any explanation of why they ask me this and they never shared any conclusion with me so I was finding it a pointless chit-chat.

Your assessment seems really drawn out. Does the doctor run a busy practice?

Yes.

There is always a crowd in the waiting room and the waiting time in bad hours can be even a few hours (noone can predict it because some people stay there up to a hour and some just enter, get prescription and go out and the doctor doesn't give you specific time to show up).
I was lucky coming at a good time today - there was just 1 person in the waiting room before me and one in the doctors office so I was waiting only about 30mins before being called. By the time my visit finished the row after me increased to 5 people.

It's a free practice, the only one in our city. And the doctor is there just two days a week.

Oh, btw. I meant "done", not "don't" in the sentence you quoted. Too bad I can't edit my post anymore.

How did your appointment go? I've just been formally diagnosed (I self diagnosed a year ago) and I can identify a lot with what you write. I felt like I was having a breakdown. Hugs to you (if you like hugs). Diagnosis is a horrible process