Incendax wrote:
...Also, absolutely avoid saying "I'm sorry, but (reason)". Reason is mostly for your benefit, and an effort to make the other person see your point of view. The only times a reason should be used is if the other person directly asks for it, or it is something sufficiently big like, "I'm sorry for not showing up to the party, but my wife went into labor."
But why? Why don't people want to hear why you did the thing that you're apologizing for? Why does it make them so mad, why does it make your apology sound like an excuse?
For me it makes sense to explain that you were not trying to do a bad thing, to do a thing wrong, to do something that would mess up the other person's day. That you thought what you were doing was the right choice because of these factors. Otherwise why would anyone ever ask "why didn't you just..." or "why did you do that" or "what were you thinking?"
And if I was the person who was upset, and someone else were apologizing to me, I think I would rather hear "I'm sorry, I thought it was the right thing because of this or this and this that caused me to make that choice and I didn't know it would screw things up for you in this way" than just "I'm sorry, it was wrong (because for me there's an inference there that you knew it was wrong and you willfully did it anyway, on purpose, knowing that it was against whatever rule or guideline was in place)" without any reason why you did that wrong.
I don't get it. I don't get why "I'm sorry, I did it because of ... and I didn't mean for it to turn out that way" makes people mad, and instead they want to hear "I'm sorry, I knew it was wrong and I did it wrong and it was wrong for me to do that."
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Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 141 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 71 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)
Official diagnosis: Austism Spectrum Disorder Level One, without learning disability, without speech/language delay; Requiring Support
23 Jul 2016, 5:18 pm
