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LordVoldemort
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29 Mar 2007, 2:42 pm

I've never really had any real friends, people I counted as friends were really just using me. But some months ago I started to hang out with a girl in school, and recently we've been meeting outside school too. At first I was only there as "an extra" for her, I was only accepted when her best friend was sick/with someone else/skipping school, but then they had a fight, broke up,and we became real friends.

Anyway, the thing is, she's my only friend, and when she's not in school, I go home because I can't stand being alone with so many people around me. But when I'm with her, I just wish she would leave me alone! And I always thought I'd be happy when I got a social life, but I'm not. I'm scared of her parents, for one thing. And next week she's having a birthday party, and she's somewhat forcing me to come (if I don't she'll get angry, at least that's what she said.)
So what am I supposed to do, when I both want to keep her as a friend, but also want her to leave me alone, and is to scared to say no to her?



Graelwyn
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29 Mar 2007, 3:42 pm

Nice to see another Harry Potter fan here... Well, I don't think you need me to tell you that fear is not a good basis for any relationship, friendship or otherwise... it is not a good idea to remain friends with someone simply because you don't want to be totally friendless when you actually aren't enjoying being in that person's company... I mean, no offence, but how does that rate a friendship? It sounds as if this person is rather controlling as well, which also isn't a great thing. However, if you are quite determined to maintain this idea of friendship, then I would suggest writing a note or letter explaining your issues and giving it to her. That would be easier than telling her face to face.


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larsenjw92286
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29 Mar 2007, 4:43 pm

I think you should balance your time with her.


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29 Mar 2007, 5:35 pm

I think every friend can get annoyed of another, we just have to learn about each others differences and enjoy your time together. I think you should go to the party, hang out for a while, enjoy the cake and possible meet new people. Its a win-win.

You not being happy with a social life probably has more to do with you than the friends youlle make, of course I dont know whats making you unhappy so I cant say.


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30 Mar 2007, 5:00 am

LordVoldemort wrote:
I've never really had any real friends, people I counted as friends were really just using me. But some months ago I started to hang out with a girl in school, and recently we've been meeting outside school too. At first I was only there as "an extra" for her, I was only accepted when her best friend was sick/with someone else/skipping school, but then they had a fight, broke up,and we became real friends.

Anyway, the thing is, she's my only friend, and when she's not in school, I go home because I can't stand being alone with so many people around me. But when I'm with her, I just wish she would leave me alone! And I always thought I'd be happy when I got a social life, but I'm not. I'm scared of her parents, for one thing. And next week she's having a birthday party, and she's somewhat forcing me to come (if I don't she'll get angry, at least that's what she said.)
So what am I supposed to do, when I both want to keep her as a friend, but also want her to leave me alone, and is to scared to say no to her?


You haven't thought this through. You need to decide if you want to be with her or not. And you also need to realize that she is a different person from you, with her own needs, and maybe she needs something from you just like you need something from her. Think about it and try to understand her point of view. If I were you I would let things go on with her for some time longer and "play it by ear", but after a while you will need to make a decision which way to jump.



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30 Mar 2007, 6:11 am

For real! How many people will come to her party? It is very important to her. To have friends be one.

If you want support give it. You just have to show up and go through the motions, she has to live with it the rest of her life.

If she is human she feels out of place at school, home, worse when a teen, and you can free her of a lot of tension just by showing up on time. Do it.

She may not be your best friend for the rest of your life, you need the practice so you can do better with other friends. A lot of stuff has to be learned, we are not born with it even if we are not aspie.

It sounds like you do not get a lot of chances to practice. It is her day, be willing to share her with others just for a little while. Think about making her day. Mutual support is what friendship is about.



LordVoldemort
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30 Mar 2007, 10:32 am

Well, all those advices were pretty good. I guess I'll go to her party after all, and be so friendly I can. And after that, maybe I should try to really think things through, to see if I really wanna lose her. I might just be overreacting, I tend to do that a lot.



larsenjw92286
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30 Mar 2007, 12:20 pm

You're welcome!


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