How do i deal with friends that don't understand Asperger's?

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oharris1997
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29 Jun 2015, 10:46 am

I have recently been diagnosed with Asperger's and I have told my close friends (well actually only friends) about it. They are supportive but I don't think they quite understand what it is I have. I have tried to explain as much I can but I'm really not very good at describing things so just bombard them with facts, which they have told me is hard to relate to. Is there a better way to help them to understand Asperger's?


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MoonAndStars
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08 Jul 2015, 2:51 am

You could perhaps find a blog you relate to and then show them that? Or maybe start writing your own blog. Keeping a diary of your day to day life could help them see things through your eyes, how it really is, rather than clinical facts they can't relate to. Facts often don't come with real life examples for people to understand, it's difficult to put yourself in someone else's shoes without having examples that they may have been in themselves.
For instance, people don't usually understand my illness phobia. I explained it to my husband as him imagining someone locking him in a room full of giant spiders (because he's terrified of them), and so he understood much more after that.



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08 Jul 2015, 3:45 am

Not something I would worry about but you could perhaps try to find some documentaries on ASD or perhaps you could locate relevant Vlogs on others' experiences with Asperger's & watch them together. This one seems to have good reviews on it and is less than five minutes in length that might make sense to them...


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nurseangela
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08 Jul 2015, 4:07 am

I wouldn't bombard them with information unless they ask. They may not be ready to learn about AS and they may actually be wondering why it matters. They were your friends before diagnosis and are still your friends after. If something comes up and they don't understand why you are acting a certain way or saying something unexpected, then that would be the perfect time to enlighten them about AS.


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08 Jul 2015, 5:08 am

I agree with all replies so far -- with nurseangela's suggestion to not bombard or anything, just explain to friends when and if the occasion arises that there is a behavior they don't understand which you could explain, and then explain to them then.

As for that explanation, I agree with the other responses suggesting pointing your friends in the direction of a good blog or YouTube channel or video where Asperger's is explained succinctly. I've also printed out a page of traits I found on one of many good websites, and I highlighted my particular traits on this list, and showed it to a friend to let them get a quick idea of what kinds of things are difficult for me.

So, printing out something from a web page, showing a blog or video someone has made, which sums up your Asperger's too, nearly enough, are good ways to give a friend a basic education.


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On the other hand, friends will never need an explanation, and enemies bent on disliking me will never accept one.

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08 Jul 2015, 6:57 am

We have a GREAT guide / tool, right here on WP:

Dude, I'm an Aspie!










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heatherjadejune01
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30 Jul 2015, 6:41 pm

Hi! I am recently going through the same thing... I have currently told eleven of my "friends" about my recent realisation (that I have it, I only found out a month and a half ago) and three of them, the first three I told, didn't understand it. They just didn't get why I was so obsessed with the fact that I have it (hey, it's a pretty big bombshell) and they kept going on about how I probably didn't have it and an Internet test didn't tell me that I had it (yeah, it was after I took the test that I realised, but I've done a lot of research and I know that I have it.) Anyway they didn't understand how I felt about it, they just went on and on - that's when I realised they weren't my real friends. We were actually already in a debate about whether my new friends Cerys and others were just using me for my brains, but that's another story. Anyway, they are out of my life now. Hopefully. However, my Aspergers is ruining my relationships with other people as well. I'm scared that my new friendships aren't going to last because I don't want to meet up everyday, I just want to stay home and watch Netflix on my own in my bed. They won't understand that, and I don't think they ever will. It's hard to understand it unless you have it yourself. I have a couple of friends who have said they'll be there for me and this isn't going to change their opinion of me - if your friends are like this, you probably have nothing to worry about; because they don't need to understand they'll just be there for you anyway. Conversely if you friends are right b*****s like the three I mentioned, kick them out of your life. I'm sorry this is long winded and half of this probably isn't even relevant but i hoped it helped ☺️



dobyfm
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02 Aug 2015, 6:22 pm

Explain to them as hard you can how it is like having Asperger's. Be prepared that they may get frustrated with you at times, but that is normal. You can also advise your friends to search on Google "Things to never say to someone with Asperger's". These are actually very helpful and can help someone understand. My sister understood my problem better after reading those.



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03 Aug 2015, 10:24 pm

Frankly, in my not a few years of experience, ithas not been worth saying anything to 95%. A few - often spectral like you - get you enough that you can talk about it - but I think that has to come first. I mentioned it to my brother and got yelled at for "using Asperger's as an excuse for my evil ways".