How do I learn communication skills?

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My parents say I have none and I will never get a job and that I am a failure.

How do I learn communication skills?

I do not have autism I am looking for an excuse for being a failure. I need a job to prove them wrong but they are right in that I do not have any skills or qualifications whatsoever. How do I learn them? I don't know where to start.

What communication skills are needed for jobs?

I don't have any aspirations, any job will do.

Sorry if this is the wrong subforum, didn't know if it comes under social skills or work and finding a job. If it belongs in work and finding a job please move it, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do it wrong.

I think you're pretty witty--a good start!

I think you enjoy having fun.

In job interviews, you don't have to be ingratiating. All you have to do is seem competent. Shake the interviewer's hand firmly, but not too firmly. Answer "fine," to "how are you doing?"

Answer any questions related to your resume/CV while trying not to look down. Try to make eye contact, but not too intensely. You don't really have to smile--but try not to frown or seem depressed.

Research the company for which you are interviewing.

My personal feeling is that you are better than you think at being "social." You already have the humor thing down pat.

Try to practice interviewing techniques with friends or family.

I really think you'll do fine, Liketrees. Honestly I do!

But why do my parents say I have none? I guess they're just telling the truth. I don't know why but I just can't seem to do eye contact. Just makes me scared for no reason. Do people actually hire those without any communication skills and no qualifications? I guess I sort of have qualifications, but nothing worthwhile. Jobs are competitive, aren't they? Anybody would be a better candidate for a job than me. I don't know what to do or how to learn to be a regular human being.

I honestly have the feeling your parents expect you to be a perfect clone of an Emily Post type of person.

I wish I could actually see you in action. I bet, with a little tinkering, that you will come off fine.

Your parents should be trying to help you, rather than pointing out the friggin negative all the time!

That's what a Reactionary is: Someone who REACTS, yet offers no solutions!

If I were like 20-30 years younger, I'd certainly be honored for you to be my girlfriend. We would have had fun together. I don't mean in a sexual sense at all.

It sounds to me like you're very self-critical...which seems reasonable if your parents are putting you down a lot. If everyone around you is telling you you're terrible, it makes sense that you might start to think that about yourself.
I can imagine someone in that position might be very anxious in social situations - perhaps worried that you may do something wrong.

People with social phobia tend to spend so much time worried about themselves in social situations that they pay too little attention to what is happening around them. The result is that they can seem distracted to others, and actually come across worse in social situations - their anxiety over doing something wrong sabotages them. The other thing that can happen with social phobia is because people with it are so self-focused, they see every mistake they make and make a huge deal about it in their own heads. They can be very hard on themselves even when they didn't do anything that bad.

I would read up about social phobia and possibly depression if I were you. If it seems like what you've got, consider seeing a psychotherapist for cognitive behavioral therapy. CBT can be effective in treating both and may help you to become more self-confident, which can eventually translate into other kinds of success. Good luck.

They do not think I have depression. I sleep and eat normally and have no physical symptoms of it. There has been no mention of social phobia either so I don't have that.

you might not be as "bad" as you think you are.

I'm certainly not as "bad" as some people think I am

The reason I threw out depression as a possibility is because you describe yourself in very broad and very negative terms. This is the sort of thought pattern associated with depression. Perhaps you're not depressed, but if you truly believe what you are saying about yourself, I can imagine that you may become depressed over time.

In either case, it's not productive for the sake of problem solving to talk in broad and general terms about our problems. Lets get specific. You say you lack communication skills, so give some examples. When have your communication skills tripped you up? What did others say? What did you say?

Regarding communication skills for jobs, I can already imagine you doing one thing wrong - that's being overly critical of yourself. Job interviews require putting your best foot forward. You shouldn't lie, but you also shouldn't focus exclusively on your faults. Everyone has some strengths, and if they're not objective strengths, they're relative strengths. I'm better at listening to people than I am at lifting heavy objects. So in a job interview I'm going to emphasize that I'm a good listener. Think of a job and think of 10 reasons that you would be a good worker in that job. Then think of 5 reasons that you would enjoy that job and be a good fit. When you're done with that, read these tips: http://www.quintcareers.com/more_teen_j ... egies.html

Well when I tried to get work experience when I was 14 they got rid of me after a day which was fantastic. I turned up on time and did everything they said for me to do. But they didn't want me and I was free labor so I don't know why anyone would pay to have me work if I'm being totally honest. This place had tonnes of other 14 year olds in the past who got through the week no problem. So yeah, apparently they're so bad they didn't want free child labor. I don't even know where I went wrong so I don't know how I'd get a job and keep it. How on earth am I supposed to have any sort of confidence in myself? I don't even know what it is I'm doing wrong so how do I stop it?

I've been reading through these posts and would like to contribute based on my own experiences.

First and foremost, theres an excellent book called How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie. Its not going to teach you to maintain eye contact or use the right distance, but it does present you with some excellent fundamentals.

Now when it comes to communication, Aspies and ADHD do struggle quite a bit.. each with their own deficits. But its important not to have an US and THEM approach. Everyone struggles with communication to a degree and that degree fluctuates depending on the environment. What this means, is that everyone can empathize with our situation more or less, even if we're challenged to empathize with theirs.

If you use the principles of the book I recommended, and actively TRY to communicate, than than may be enough. The reality is that it will never be our strength, but that doesn't nescairily mean we can't capitalize on our weaknesses. Showing good character and demonstrating a genuine interest in the other person or their interests (by finding common ground and exploiting your own interests that you share in common) is enough to bridge the gap. Most people will take the time to listen and contribute to the discussion if you're worth it, and if they don't than they are probably as*holes not worth talking too anyways.

From what I'm reading it always seems to be a challenging us agaisn't them. They didn't do this, I didn't do this. I'm bad they are better etc. Lets remove that and start thinking about us as a member of a broader team or community. I'm of the belief that we all have different strengths and weaknesses, and that ours in particular are more polaric. If you are able to demonstrate your strengths in a good team environment your weaknesses will be picked up on and mitigated. Its not easy, but it is more than possible. And having that expectation which is still a huge win in its own right is a lot more realistic than believing that your going to become the king of communication.

I don't have Asperger's or ADHD. I don't have anything at the moment. What if I'm an as*hole and I don't know it?

No...I don't think you're an as*hole.

I just think you're at a crossroads in your life. You're in that transition zone between adolescence and adulthood.

I wish you could work as an assistant in autism research. You would impress the head researchers with your knowledge.

I don't see how being to remember bits of data would ever come into use, though. The things I can remember can just be looked up. This is the worst superpower ever.

It helps you in the autism research sense. You have a good idea about autism, which most therapists don't.

An ideal situation is when there is a liaison between the researchers and the therapists.

Research is far ahead of the actual knowledge of therapists.

In the meantime, why don't you try a data-entry sort of job?

I'm not the one conducting the research though. I'm just reading research already done and absorbing the data. I can do that with anything so long as I find it interesting. I doubt that has any practical usage to the field.

I don't know how to get a job. I'd like a job but I don't know who to ask and what to say.